Adult Jokes

The travelin’ Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel.

As they undressed, he said, “I’m from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything.” The girl only nodded and smiled.

As they began to make love, he exclaimed, “Golleeeee, lil’ Lady! What part of Texas y’all from?”

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard.

“I’m lost,” said the man.”Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”

“OK,” said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

A PROSPEROUS businessman propositioned a beautiful girl and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500. When he was ready to leave in the morning, he told her that he didn’t have any money with him but he would have his secretary write a check for it and make it out as “RENT FOR APARTMENT”

On the way to the office, he decided that the whole thing wasn’t worth the price he had agreed to pay. So he advised his secretary to send the check for $250 and include the following note:

Dear Madam:

Enclosed is my check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount we have agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression:

Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any chance of contact, which could happen pretty easily, since he had been desperate for quite a while.

Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him & sees the poor guy curled up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire. Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of her night table, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him.