Animal Jokes

What’s this baby duck shouting about? Give us a funny caption below.

This is one very funny picture of a dog.

Please add your funny picture caption below.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.’

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

Pig Joke 1
Why did the pig go to the casino ? To play the slop machine !

Pig Joke 2
What do you call a pig with three eyes? …A piiig

Pig Joke 3
A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”

Pig Joke 4
A pig’s favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York.

Pig Joke 5
All our pigs are learning karate. Oh, I don’t believe that No? Well, just watch out for their chops.

Pig Joke 6
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it “Ham Hocks”.

Rabbit Joke 1
A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why? The rabbit had two b’s already.

Rabbit Joke 2
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from? Mother Rabbit: I ll tell you when you re older. Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now. Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician’s hat.

Rabbit Joke 3
Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory? Alike did was stand around making faces.

Rabbit Joke 4
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!

Snake Joke 1
There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they re dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned? . Then the second Snake says “Why do you ask?” The 1st one replies: “I just bit my lip!”

Snake Joke 2
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed. Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?” “The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”

Various Animal Joke 1
What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away!

Various Animal Joke 2
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !

Zoo Joke 1
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they ll go?” The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

Zoo Joke 2
One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”? “Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

Mouse Joke 1
One lab mouse to another: I’ve trained that crazy human at last. How have you done that? I don’t know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese.

Mouse Joke 2
What do mice do when they re at home ? Mousework !

Mouse Joke 3
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat ? Here Kitty, kitty, kitty !

Mouse Joke 4
What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !

Mouse Joke 5
Why do mice have long tails ? Well, they d look silly with long hair !

King Kong Joke 1
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. “That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. “What I mean,” said Tim, “is I d like to see something really cheap.” The clerk handed him a mirror.

King Kong Joke 2
Why did King Kong join the army? To learn about gorilla warfare.

Insect Joke 1
What goes hum-choo, hum choo? A bee with a cold !

Insect Joke 2
What is a bee’s favourite classical music composer ? Bee-thoven !

Insect Joke 3
What does a queen bee do when she burps ? Issues a royal pardon !

Insect Joke 4
Where would you put an injured insect ? In an antbulance !

Insect Joke 5
What do bees do if they want to use public transport ? Wait at a buzz stop !

Insect Joke 6
What do you call a bee Who’s had a spell put on him ? He’s bee-witched !