What’s this baby duck shouting about? Give us a funny caption below.

This is one very funny picture of a dog.

Please add your funny picture caption below.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.’

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

JACK NICHOLSON: ’cause it f…..g wanted to. That’s the f…..g reason.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken ‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken,”Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

PLATO: For the greater good.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road ….it transcended it.

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.

ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.
Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with an eterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.
The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.
Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Pig Joke 2
What do you call a pig with three eyes? …A piiig

Pig Joke 3
A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”

Pig Joke 4
A pig’s favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York.

Pig Joke 5
All our pigs are learning karate. Oh, I don’t believe that No? Well, just watch out for their chops.

Pig Joke 6
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it “Ham Hocks”.

Pig Joke 7
Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business? He couldn’t get it off the ground. .

Pig Joke 8
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother’s day? What did they do? They threw a sowprize party.

Pig Joke 9
Did you hear about the pig’s vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up as bears and raided all the garbage cans.

Pig Joke 10
Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.

Pig Joke 11
Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage In November? She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.

Pig Joke 12
Did you hear the story about the razorback hog? It’s pretty dull.

Pig Joke 13
Do pigs like Backgammon? No, they prefer their backs scratched.

Pig Joke 14
Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a little sty. Then you d better buy a little pig.

Pig Joke 15
FARMER: Who raided my vegetable patch? PIGLET: Beets me!

Pig Joke 16
FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves you? SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

Pig Joke 17
Have you heard about the pig who took up disco dancing? He liked to swing his weight around.

Pig Joke 18
How can you recognize a Gnome Pig? They re the ones with the little red hats.

Pig Joke 19
How can you tell the pig is a failure as Easter bunny? By the egg on its face.

Pig Joke 20
How did the little pig win at Monopoly? He built hotels on Pork Place.

Pig Joke 21
How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!

Pig Joke 22
How do you get your pigs to sleep at night? No problem. Everyone here goes to bed with the chickens. You must have a very large chicken house.

Pig Joke 23
How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance!

Pig Joke 24
How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep? She reads them pig tales.

Pig Joke 25
How does a pig write home? With a pig pen.

Pig Joke 26
I told you not to let those pigs In my office. Now, look What’s happened. They’ve eaten all the dates off my calendar!

Pig Joke 27
If an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and a donkey is the symbol of the Democratic Party, what is a pig the symbol of? Any party where there’s lots of food.

Pig Joke 28
If you drop this book in a pig pen, what should you do? Take the words out of their mouths.

Pig Joke 29
Is it true the pigs went over Niagara Falls in a barrel? No, that story’s just a lot of hogwash.

Pig Joke 30
Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets? No, it’s theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention.

Pig Joke 31
Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It’s called a garbage compactor.

Pig Joke 32
Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It’s called a garbage compactor.

Pig Joke 33
MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today? FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink! SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink! THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof! MOTHER PIG: What? THIRD PIGLET: I m taking a foreign language.

Pig Joke 34
Name the pig’s favorite Shakespeare play. Hamlet.

Pig Joke 35
Pigs don’t look very smart to me. Sure, they are. You ever see a sow try to make a silk purse out of a farmer’s ear?

Pig Joke 36
Pig’s explanation for the creation of the Universe: The Pig Bang Theory.

Pig Joke 37
SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three candles for your party? PIGLET: I d rather have three cakes and one candle.

Pig Joke 38
Sports fad invented by pigs: Mud wrestling.

Pig Joke 39
The hog was a failure as a TV talk show host What happened? He turned out to be a big boar.

Pig Joke 40
The kids are crazy about a new piglet toy. When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off their plates.

Pig Joke 41
Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly? They squealed on each other.

Pig Joke 42
What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough? “I m afraid that’s all going to waist.”

Pig Joke 43
What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet? “Behave or Frankenswine will get you.”

Pig Joke 44
What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples? “Don’t tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.”

Pig Joke 45
What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough? He ate it quickly, before the others could ask him to share.

Pig Joke 46
What did the pig say when his brother rolled on him? “Heavy!”

Pig Joke 47
What did the pig say when it found a fly in its soup? “Yum Yum.”

Pig Joke 48
What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail? “That’s the end of me!”

Pig Joke 49
What do hip pigs call their ladies? Fine swine.

Pig Joke 50
What do little piglets do on a Saturday night? Have a pigjama party!

Pig Joke 51
What do little pigs want to be when they grow up? Garbage collectors.

Pig Joke 52
What do piggys take when they are sick? Pigicillin!

Pig Joke 53
What do pigs do on nice afternoons? They go on pignics.

Pig Joke 54
What do pigs drive? Pig-up trucks!

Pig Joke 55
What do pigs like with chow mein? Sooey sauce.

Pig Joke 56
What do you call a crafty pig? CunningHam

Pig Joke 57
What do you call a lady pig planting seeds? A sow sow.

Pig Joke 58
What do you call a pig in a steel foundry? A pig pig.

Pig Joke 59
What do you call a pig that took a plane? Swine flu!

Pig Joke 60
What do you call a pig thief? A hamburglar!

Pig Joke 61
What do you call a pig who overacts? A ham ham.

Pig Joke 62
What do you call a pig with good table manners? Sick.

Pig Joke 63
What do you call a pig with no clothes on? Streaky bacon!

Pig Joke 64
What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog!

Pig Joke 65
What do you call a pig with the flu? A swine swine.

Pig Joke 66
What do you call an oversize motorcycle for pigs? A hog hog.

Pig Joke 67
What do you call pigs in a demolition derby? Crashing boars.

Pig Joke 68
What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs? A pig tail!

Pig Joke 69
What do you do for a pig with sore muscles? Rub him with oinkment.

Pig Joke 70
What do you get when you cross a pig with a canary? I don’t know, but when it sits on your electric wire and sings, all your lights go out

Pig Joke 71
What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant? A very large animal that knows a lot of jokes.

Pig Joke 72
What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment!

Pig Joke 73
What do you say to a naked pig? “I never sausage a body.”

Pig Joke 74
What does a pig use to write his term papers with? Pen and Oink!

Pig Joke 75
What goes “knio, knio?” A backward pig.

Pig Joke 76
What instrument do piggys play in a band? Pigcussion!

Pig Joke 77
What is a pigs favourite ballet? Swine Lake!

Pig Joke 78
What is Chuck Norris “best karate move”? Pork Chop!

Pig Joke 79
What is the pig’s favorite musical instrument? The piggalo (piccalo).

Pig Joke 80
What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon? Sow-r dough bread.

Pig Joke 81
What kind of furniture do pigs like best? Overstuffed.

Pig Joke 82
What kind of pig do sows dislike? Male Chauvinist Pigs.

Pig Joke 83
What position does the pig play in football? Loinback.

Pig Joke 84
What should you say to a pig on roller skates? Don’t say anything. Just get out of the way.

Pig Joke 85
What soft drink do pigs like best? Root beer.

Pig Joke 86
What song do pigs sing on New Year’s Eve? Auld Lang Swine.

Pig Joke 87
What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot.

Pig Joke 88
What world athletic sporting event is held every four years? The Olympigs!

Pig Joke 89
What would a pig name a chain of food stores? “Stop “N Slop Markets”

Pig Joke 90
What would happen if pigs went on strike? They d form pigget lines.

Pig Joke 91
What would happen if pigs could fly? Bacon would go up!

Pig Joke 92
What’s that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head? Didn’t you tell me to put out a stop swine?

Pig Joke 93
When is a pig an ecologist? When he recycles garbage into ham.

Pig Joke 94
When pigs get a toothache, who do they see? Painless Porker.

Pig Joke 95
When pigs have a party, who jumps out of the cake? Nobody. The pigs all jump in.

Pig Joke 96
Where did the piglets study their ABC s? At a school for higher loining.

Pig Joke 97
Where do bad pigs go? They get sent to the pen.

Pig Joke 98
Where do retired pigs go for warm weather? The tropigs!

Pig Joke 99
Where does a woodsman keep his pigs? In his hog cabin!

Pig Joke 100
Where is the most open green space in New York City? Central Pork

Pig Joke 101
Which of these jokes do the pigs like best? The corniest ones.

Pig Joke 102
Who is the greatest painter of this century? Pigcasso!

Pig Joke 103
Who sends flowers on Valentines Day? Cupigs!

Pig Joke 104
Why are pigs such early risers? Did you ever try to shut off a rooster?

Pig Joke 105
Why are pigs such great football fans? They re always rooting.

Pig Joke 106
Why are there so many piggy banks? Pigs don’t like to hide their money in the mattress.

Pig Joke 107
Why can’t there be a Santa Pig? Pigs don’t fit in chimneys.

Pig Joke 108
Why couldn’t the pig pay his bill? He was a little shoat.

Pig Joke 109
Why do pigs have flat snouts? From running in to trees.

Pig Joke 110
Why did the big pig want to go on stage? There was a lot of ham in him.

Pig Joke 111
Why did the little pig hide the soap? He heard the farmer yell, “Hogwash!”

Pig Joke 112
Why did the little pig try to join the Navy? He loved to sing, “Oinkers Aweight”

Pig Joke 113
Why did the little piglet fall in love with the hog? Because he was such a sloppy dresser.

Pig Joke 114
Why did the pig go to the casino? To play the slop machine!

Pig Joke 115
Why did the pig join a muscle-building class? He thought “pumping iron” was a new juice dispenser.

Pig Joke 116
Why did the pig join the Army? He heard the food was a mess.

Pig Joke 117
Why did the pig run away from the pig sty? He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grunted.

Pig Joke 118
Why did the pig wear yellow coveralls? He split a seam in his blue ones.

Pig Joke 119
Why did the piglets do badly in school? They were all slow loiners.

Pig Joke 120
Why did the piglets get in trouble in their biology class? They ate all the specimens.

Pig Joke 121
Why did the piglets get in trouble in their stained glass class? They stained it with mud.

Pig Joke 122
Why did the pigs paint their hoofs green? It was Saint Patrick’s Day.

Pig Joke 123
Why did the spotted pigs run away? They thought the traveling salesman told the farmer to put his name on the dotted swine.

Pig Joke 124
Why didn’t the Blonic Pig get a TV series of his own? He made the mistake of going to a barbecue with the Bionic Man and the Blonic Woman.

Pig Joke 125
Why didn’t the piglets listen to the teacher pig? Because he was an old boar.

Pig Joke 126
Why didn’t the pigs eat the rotten eggs in their feed trough? They were saving the best for last.

Pig Joke 127
Why do pigs like February 14th? They get lots of Valenswines.

Pig Joke 128
Why do pigs love Halloween? There’s lots of hogsgobblin.

Pig Joke 129
Why do pigs run into trees? To shake out the alligators. I’ve never seen an alligator In a tree. That’s because the pigs do such a good job.

Pig Joke 130
Why doesn’t Santa hitch his sleigh to a pig? Pigs don’t have red noses.

Pig Joke 131
Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny? Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

Pig Joke 132
Why was the pig unhappy in the Minors? Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.

Pig Joke 133
Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig? He knows a little ham goes a long way.

Pig Joke 134
Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden? We re raising mashed potatoes.

Pig Joke 135
Why isn’t there a Superpig? It’s too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.

Pig Joke 136
Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team? Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

Pig Joke 137
Why won’t pigs take up jogging? They don’t like to get that far from the table.

Pig Joke 138
Why won’t the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage? She’s afraid they ll bring down the house.

Pig Joke 139
Why wouldn’t the bird let her chicks go near the pig pen? She didn’t want the pigs eating shredded tweet.

Pig Joke 140
Why wouldn’t the piglet’s mother let her read romantic novels? She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.

Pig Joke 141
Why wouldn’t the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn’t want them to grow into wart hogs.

Pig Joke 142
What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough? “Mmm. Canapes.”

Pig Joke 143
What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York? Pigpockets.

Pig Joke 144
Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized his story? Because they called it garbage.

Pig Joke 145
Why did the pig send his story to New York? He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.

Pig Joke 146
What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine? Boaris Karloff.

Pig Joke 147
What did the pig call a manuscript? A shoat story.

Pig Joke 148
What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes ? A swine gut !

Pig Joke 149
What kind of tie does a pig wear ? Pig’s tie !

Pig Joke 150
Why do pigs never recover from illness ? Because you have to kill them before you cure them !

Pig Joke 151
What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy goat? A crashing bore.

Pig Joke 152
The teacher was furious with her son. “Just because you’ve been put in my class, there’s no need to think you can take liberties. You re a pig.” The boy said nothing. “Well! Do you know what a pig is?” “Yes, Mom,” said the boy. “The offspring of a swine.”

Pig Joke 153
Who do they get for Babe the pig’s dangerous movie scenes? A stunt ham.

Rabbit Joke 2
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from? Mother Rabbit: I ll tell you when you re older. Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now. Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician’s hat.

Rabbit Joke 3
Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory? Alike did was stand around making faces.

Rabbit Joke 4
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!

Rabbit Joke 5
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit? It was an inn-grown hare!

Rabbit Joke 6
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!

Rabbit Joke 7
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.

Rabbit Joke 8
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!

Rabbit Joke 9
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!

Rabbit Joke 10
How do rabbits get to work? By rabbit transit!

Rabbit Joke 11
How do you know when there’s a rabbit in your bed? You can smell the carrots on his breath.

Rabbit Joke 12
How do you know when you re eating rabbit stew? When it has hares in it.

Rabbit Joke 13
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don’t feed it.

Rabbit Joke 14
How do you make a rabbit stew? Keep it waiting.

Rabbit Joke 15
How far can a rabbit run into the woods? Halfway. After that she’s running out of the woods.

Rabbit Joke 16
How is a rabbit like a plum? They re both purple, except for the rabbit.

Rabbit Joke 17
Lara Rabbit: Do you think that’s Sophie’s natural color? Zara Rabbit: Only her hare dresser knows for sure.

Rabbit Joke 18
May I buy half a rabbit? No, we don’t split hares!

Rabbit Joke 19
My friend is nuts. He thinks he’s Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn t. How do you know he isn t? Because I am.

Rabbit Joke 20
Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me? Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.

Rabbit Joke 21
Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I m all out of carrots. What should I do? Friend: Don’t worry; be hoppy!

Rabbit Joke 22
Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad? I believe he’s eating your lettuce.

Rabbit Joke 23
What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.

Rabbit Joke 24
What book did the rabbit take on vacation? One with a hoppy ending.

Rabbit Joke 25
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat? Thistle have to do!

Rabbit Joke 26
What did the bunny want to do when he grew up? Join the Hare Force.

Rabbit Joke 27
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely, it’s a gift!

Rabbit Joke 28
What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear? Hare today, gone tomorrow.

Rabbit Joke 29
What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter? Deviled eggs!

Rabbit Joke 30
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring.

Rabbit Joke 31
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!

Rabbit Joke 32
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.

Rabbit Joke 33
What do you call a rabbit who is real cool? A hip hopper.

Rabbit Joke 34
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.

Rabbit Joke 35
What do you call a rabbit with no clothes on? A bare hare.

Rabbit Joke 36
What do you call a dumb bunny? A hare brain.

Rabbit Joke 37
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper ? Warren !

Rabbit Joke 38
What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits? Wheelburrows!

Rabbit Joke 39
What do you call a rabbit that plays with foxes? A dumb bunny.

Rabbit Joke 40
What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes? A funny bunny

Rabbit Joke 41
What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery? A yeaster bunny!

Rabbit Joke 42
What do you call an affectionate rabbit? A tender, loving hare.

Rabbit Joke 43
What do you call an easy-going rabbit? Hoppy-go-lucky.

Rabbit Joke 44
What do you call an operation on a rabbit? A hare-cut.

Rabbit Joke 45
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone’s forehead? Unsightly facial hare!

Rabbit Joke 46
What do you call an unusual rabbit? A rare hare.

Rabbit Joke 47
What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon? A hare dare.

Rabbit Joke 48
What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.

Rabbit Joke 49
What do you get when you cross a bumble bee with a rabbit? A honey bunny.

Rabbit Joke 50
What do you get when you cross a bunny with a leek? A bunion.

Rabbit Joke 51
What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider? A harenet.

Rabbit Joke 52
What do you get when you cross a bunny with an orange? A pip squeak.

Rabbit Joke 53
What do you get when you cross a frog and a rabbit? A rabbit that says, “Ribbit.”

Rabbit Joke 54
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

Rabbit Joke 55
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire? A bunny with money.

Rabbit Joke 56
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

Rabbit Joke 57
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.

Rabbit Joke 58
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.

Rabbit Joke 59
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.

Rabbit Joke 60
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote? One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!

Rabbit Joke 61
What job do rabbits at hotels have? Bellhop.

Rabbit Joke 62
What kind of cars do rabbits drive? Hop rods.

Rabbit Joke 63
What must a policeman have before searching a rabbits home? A search warren!

Rabbit Joke 64
What should a rabbit use to keep his fur neat? A harebrush.

Rabbit Joke 65
What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old? Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

Rabbit Joke 66
What’s a rabbits favorite book? Hop on Pop.

Rabbit Joke 67
What’s a rabbits favorite dance? The bunny hop.

Rabbit Joke 68
What’s a rabbits favorite movie? Rabbits of the Lost Ark.

Rabbit Joke 69
What’s a rabbits favorite musical? Hare.

Rabbit Joke 70
What’s a rabbits favorite song? “Hoppy Birthday to You.”

Rabbit Joke 71
What’s a rabbits favorite TV show? Hoppy Days.

Rabbit Joke 72
What’s a rabbits favourite car? Any make, just as long it’s a hutchback!

Rabbit Joke 73
What’s the best way to catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him

Rabbit Joke 74
What’s the fastest way to send a rabbit? Haremail.

Rabbit Joke 75
When do rabbits have buck teeth? When their parents won’t get them braces.

Rabbit Joke 76
Where do rabbits go after their wedding? On their bunnymoon.

Rabbit Joke 77
When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train? When it’s on the train.

Rabbit Joke 78
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!

Rabbit Joke 79
Which rabbit is a famous comedian? Bob Hop.

Rabbit Joke 80
Which rabbit stole from the rich to give to the poor? Rabbit Hood.

Rabbit Joke 81
Which rabbit was a famous female aviator? Amelia Harehart.

Rabbit Joke 82
Which rabbit was in Western movies? Hopalong Cassidy.

Rabbit Joke 83
Which rabbits were famous bank robbers? Bunny and Clyde.

Rabbit Joke 84
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.

Rabbit Joke 85
Why are rabbits never gold? How would you tell them apart from goldfish?

Rabbit Joke 86
Why couldn’t the rabbit fly home for Easter? He didn’t have the hare fare.

Rabbit Joke 87
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!

Rabbit Joke 88
Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant? He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.

Rabbit Joke 89
Why did the rabbit have trouble hopping? Because he always kept one foot in his pocket for good luck!

Rabbit Joke 90
Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery!

Rabbit Joke 91
Why do rabbits go to the beauty parlor? For hare care.

Rabbit Joke 92
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world? It has 4 rabbits feet.

Rabbit Joke 93
What do you get if you pour boiling water down rabbit holes? Hot, cross bunnies !

Rabbit Joke 94
Q. Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? R. Charged With Battery!

Rabbit Joke 95
Q: What do you get when you cross a perm with a rabbit? A: Curly hare.

Rabbit Joke 96
Two Rabbits are running from a group of foxes. They hide in a pile of hay, one rabbit says to the other one “ok we can run for it or we can stay here and out number them. And the other rabbit says, “were going to run for it you idiot I m your brother.

Rabbit Joke 97
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, “What are you doing in there?” she asked. The rabbit replied, “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?” The lady confirmed, “Yes.” “Well,” the rabbit said, “I m westing.”

Snake Joke 2
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed. Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?” “The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”

Snake Joke 3
Q: What kind of snake is good at math? A: An adder.

Snake Joke 4
What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog? A fangfurther.

Snake Joke 5
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet? Wait until he’s finished.

Snake Joke 6
What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ? A boa constructor !

Snake Joke 7
What’s a snake’s favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !

Snake Joke 8
Why wouldn’t the snake go on the weighing maching ? Because he had his own scales !

Snake Joke 9
What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ? Thanks, I ll just have a sliver !

Snake Joke 10
What is another word for a python ? A mega-bite !

Snake Joke 11
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig ? A boar constrictor !

Snake Joke 12
What’s a snakes favourite TV program ? Monty Python!

Snake Joke 13
What snakes are good at sums ? Adders !

Snake Joke 14
Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else’s !

Snake Joke 15
What is a snakes favourite opera ? Wriggletto !

Snake Joke 16
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent ? A snake in the brass !

Snake Joke 17
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird ? A feather boa !sna

Snake Joke 18
Have you heard about the slippery eel ? Didn’t think so, you wouldn’t be able to grasp it !sna

Snake Joke 19
Why can’t you trust snakes ? They speak with forked tongues !

Snake Joke 20
What’s a snakes favourite dance ? Snake, rattle & roll !

Snake Joke 21
What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ? Sleep in the wardrobe !

Snake Joke 22
What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ? A fangfurter !sna

Snake Joke 23
What’s a snakes favourite dance ? The mamba !

Snake Joke 24
What did one snake say to another ? Hiss off !

Snake Joke 25
Why did the two boa constrictors get married ? Because they had a crush on each other !sna

Snake Joke 26
What’s the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake ? You can make a pet out of a snake !

Snake Joke 27
What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ? A viper !

Snake Joke 28
Why are snakes hard to fool ? They have no legs to pull !

Snake Joke 29
What’s a python’s favourite pop group ? Squeeze !

Snake Joke 30
What sort of perfume do snakes prefer ? Poison by Christian Dior !

Snake Joke 31
Why did the viper want to become a python ? He got the coiling !

Snake Joke 32
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ? Snakes and Larders !sna

Snake Joke 33
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ? A snake charmer !

Snake Joke 34
What do most people do when they see a python ? They re-coil !

Snake Joke 35
What subject are snakes good at school ? Hiss-tory !

Snake Joke 36
What did the snake say to the cornered rat ? Hiss is the end of the line for you !

Snake Joke 37
What do snakes have on their bath towels ? Hiss and Hers !

Snake Joke 38
What do you call a snake that informs the police ? A grass snake !

Snake Joke 39
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell ? Addercadabra and abradacobra !

Snake Joke 40
What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ? Stop crying and viper your nose !

Snake Joke 41
What’s the best thing about deadly snakes ? They’ve got poisonality !

Snake Joke 42
Why did the python do national service ? He was coiled up !

Snake Joke 43
What’s a snakes favourite flower ? Coily-flowers !

Snake Joke 44
What song to snakes like to sing ? Viva Aspana !

Snake Joke 45
What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ? He died in agony !

Snake Joke 46
Why did the viper, viper nose ? Because the adder, adder hankerchief !

Snake Joke 47
What did the snake say when another asked him the time ? Don’t asp me !

Snake Joke 48
What do you give a sick snake ? Asp-rin !

Snake Joke 49
What do you call a snake who works for the governement ? A civil serpent !

Snake Joke 50
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ? Fang letters !

Snake Joke 51
What’s long, green and goes hith ? A snake with a lisp !

Snake Joke 52
So glad to meet you said the Hindu politely ? “Charmed I m sure “, replied the snake !

Snake Joke 53
What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball ? A bouncing baby boa !

Snake Joke 54
Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said “Go forth and multiply” ? They couldn t, they were adders !

Snake Joke 55
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I m a python. Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know.

Snake Joke 56
What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death.

Snake Joke 57
Why did the viper want to become a python? He got the coiling.

Snake Joke 58
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell? Addercadabra and abradacobra.

Snake Joke 59
Did you hear about the stupid snake? He lost his skin.

Snake Joke 60
What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ? Chimney Cricket !

Snake Joke 61
Q:What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? A:( A jump rope )”

Various Animal Joke 2
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !

Various Animal Joke 3
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, “That’s not good,” and promised he wouldn’t say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said, “Yes?” The bird said, “You know.”

Various Animal Joke 4
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: “What’s happened to this one? – I don’t know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

Various Animal Joke 5
A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave’s roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me.” He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Do you see that tree over there?” “YES, YES, YES!!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Well I didn t!”

Various Animal Joke 6
A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him “Are you a bear?” “Yes” “What are you doing at the movies ?” “Well, I liked the book!”

Various Animal Joke 7
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn’t get the moose in the oven!

Various Animal Joke 8
What’s a pet’s favorite day? …Saint Petrick’s Day

Various Animal Joke 9
What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !

Various Animal Joke 10
What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !

Various Animal Joke 11
A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet’s diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. “There” says the vet,” Your hamster is dead”. Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it’s head. “It’s definitely dead sir”, says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. “That will be L1000, please”. “A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead” fumes the man. “Well”, says the vet, “There’s my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan”.

Various Animal Joke 12
Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they d look stupid in anoraks !

Various Animal Joke 13
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !

Various Animal Joke 14
How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !

Various Animal Joke 15
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !

Various Animal Joke 16
What’s a teddy bears favourite pasta ? Tagliateddy !

Various Animal Joke 17
What is a bear’s favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !

Various Animal Joke 18
Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Because its mother panda d to its every whim !

Various Animal Joke 19
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ? A polo bear !

Various Animal Joke 20
Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !

Various Animal Joke 21
How do you start a teddy bear race ? Ready, teddy, go !

Various Animal Joke 22
What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !

Various Animal Joke 23
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ? A bear faced lyre !

Various Animal Joke 24
What’s yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown ? Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear’s forgotten cousin !

Various Animal Joke 25
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ? Winnie the Pooh !

Various Animal Joke 26
There’s a guy Who’s hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree. The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away. So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he’s brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn’t reach him. Eventually, the bears went away. Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble. Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

Various Animal Joke 27
Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second hiker says, “What are you doing?” The first responds, “I figure when the bear gets close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a run for it.” The second says, “Are you crazy? Don’t you know you can’t outrun a bear? The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear… I only have to outrun you!”

Various Animal Joke 28
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ? A dandy lion !

Various Animal Joke 29
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ? Because it’s a mane-lion station !

Various Animal Joke 30
What do you call a show full of lions ? The mane event !

Various Animal Joke 31
How does a leopard change its spots ? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !

Various Animal Joke 32
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ? He had to get a new goat !

Various Animal Joke 33
Why was the lion-tamer fined ? He parked on a yellow lion !

Various Animal Joke 34
What’s the difference between a tiger and a lion ? A tiger has the mane part missing !

Various Animal Joke 35
What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ? After a week he was spotless !

Various Animal Joke 36
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep ? A stripey sweater !

Various Animal Joke 37
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo ? A stripey jumper !

Various Animal Joke 38
How are tigers like sergeants in the army ? They both wear stripes !

Various Animal Joke 39
When is a lion not a lion ? When he turns into his cage !

Various Animal Joke 40
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !

Various Animal Joke 41
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? Don’t go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.

Various Animal Joke 42
What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas !

Various Animal Joke 43
What happened when the lion ate the comedian ? He felt funny !

Various Animal Joke 44
Which big cat should you never play cards with ? A cheetah !

Various Animal Joke 45
What is the fiercest flower in the garden ? The tiger lily !

Various Animal Joke 46
What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater ? Claws.

Various Animal Joke 47
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What’s a tiger ? A stri-ped !

Various Animal Joke 48
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.

Various Animal Joke 49
First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.

Various Animal Joke 50
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.

Various Animal Joke 51
First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way? Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.

Various Animal Joke 52
First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them? Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.

Various Animal Joke 53
What is a chameleon’s motto ? A change is as good as a rest !

Various Animal Joke 54
Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !

Various Animal Joke 55
What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !

Various Animal Joke 56
What’s the definition of a nervous breakdown ? A chameleon on a tartan rug !

Various Animal Joke 57
What kind of tiles can’t you stick on walls ? Reptiles !

Various Animal Joke 58
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth !

Various Animal Joke 59
Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind, it stinks!

Various Animal Joke 60
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew!

Various Animal Joke 61
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus!

Various Animal Joke 62
How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink!

Various Animal Joke 63
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!

Various Animal Joke 64
What’s a skunk’s favourite game in school? Show and smell!

Various Animal Joke 65
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang? A smell that keeps coming back!

Various Animal Joke 66
What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up? A big stinker!

Various Animal Joke 67
What’s a skunk’s philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry!

Various Animal Joke 68
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold!

Various Animal Joke 69
Two skunks were being chased by a bear. As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said “Whatever shall we do?” “Let us spray!” replied the other.

Various Animal Joke 70
Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed!

Various Animal Joke 71
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a wasp? Something that stinks and stings!

Various Animal Joke 72
How are skunks able to avoid danger? By using their instinks and common scents!

Various Animal Joke 73
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong!

Various Animal Joke 74
When should you feel sorry for a skunk? When its spray pump is out of order!

Various Animal Joke 75
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent!

Various Animal Joke 76
Did you hear about the argumentative skunk? He always liked to make a stink!

Various Animal Joke 77
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon? A creature that stinks to high heaven!

Various Animal Joke 78
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court!

Various Animal Joke 79
What is the feeling that you’ve smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew!

Various Animal Joke 80
What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn’t give a hoot!

Various Animal Joke 81
What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!

Various Animal Joke 82
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!

Various Animal Joke 83
What did one skunk say to another? And so do you!

Various Animal Joke 84
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time. In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he d continue searching for a while. Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him. However did you find him? asked Father Skunk. In-stinct, replied Out.

Various Animal Joke 85
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you !

Various Animal Joke 86
Why is a reindeer like a gossip ? Because they are both tail bearers !

Various Animal Joke 87
How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back! And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first

Various Animal Joke 88
What’s the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They re both brown, except the snowball.

Various Animal Joke 89
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!

Various Animal Joke 90
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement? I don’t know. A reindeer! What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.

Various Animal Joke 91
What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe ? A long necked toothbrush !

Various Animal Joke 92
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise? A zebra with a set of drums.

Various Animal Joke 93
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.

Various Animal Joke 94
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper

Various Animal Joke 95
How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.

Various Animal Joke 96
What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.

Various Animal Joke 97
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, “I think it’s going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?” So off went junior for Father’s umbrella, but three days later he still hadn’t returned. “I think, dear,” said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, “that we had better eat junior’s ice cream before it melts.” And a voice from the door said, “If you do that I won’t go.”

Various Animal Joke 98
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

Various Animal Joke 99
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. “Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks. “When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied. “Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe. “Yep!” said the elephant. “I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”

Various Animal Joke 100
What’s black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.

Various Animal Joke 101
What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies!

Various Animal Joke 102
What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off? I ll get you next slime!

Various Animal Joke 103
What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.

Various Animal Joke 104
How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.

Various Animal Joke 105
What gas do snails prefer? Shell.

Various Animal Joke 106
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can’t help laughing and eventually says “Don’t you know there aren’t any apples on the tree yet?” “Yes,” said the snail, “but there will be by the time I get up there.”

Various Animal Joke 107
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. “But will it be all right in the rain?” she asked anxiously. “Oh certainly, ma am,” said the manager smoothly. “After all, you’ve never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?”

Various Animal Joke 108
How does a group of dolphin’s make a decision? Flipper coin!

Various Animal Joke 109
Why did the dolphin feel crabby? Because he ate too many crabs!

Various Animal Joke 110
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise!

Various Animal Joke 111
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

Various Animal Joke 112
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ? He prawned everything !

Various Animal Joke 113
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !

Various Animal Joke 114
What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers!

Various Animal Joke 115
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn’t get his way? He whale-d

Various Animal Joke 116
Who held the baby octopus to ransom ? Squidnappers !

Various Animal Joke 117
How does an octopus go to war ? Well-armed !

Various Animal Joke 118
Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid.

Various Animal Joke 119
What happened to the cold jellyfish ? It set !

Various Animal Joke 120
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.

Various Animal Joke 121
What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish.

Various Animal Joke 122
Why did the jellyfish’s wife leave him? He stung her into action.

Various Animal Joke 123
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ? On squid row !

Various Animal Joke 124
What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms!

Various Animal Joke 125
What’s wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times? Two octopuses shaking hands.

Various Animal Joke 126
What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles!

Various Animal Joke 127
What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse!

Various Animal Joke 128
Who was the most famous pirate octopus? Captain Squid!

Various Animal Joke 129
What’s an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo!

Various Animal Joke 130
What happens when sharks take their clothes off ? They go sharkers !

Various Animal Joke 131
If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws.

Various Animal Joke 132
How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun!

Various Animal Joke 133
What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare!

Various Animal Joke 134
What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers!

Various Animal Joke 135
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there!

Various Animal Joke 136
Where do sharks come from? Sharkago!

Various Animal Joke 137
What’s the favourite flavour of sharks? Shark-o-late!

Various Animal Joke 138
What kind of sharks make good carpenters? Hammerheads!

Various Animal Joke 139
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark’s mouths? Lefty!

Various Animal Joke 140
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!

Various Animal Joke 141
Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark!

Various Animal Joke 142
Are shellfish warm? No they re clammy!

Various Animal Joke 143
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ? A hermit crab !

Various Animal Joke 144
What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)

Various Animal Joke 145
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show ? Whale of fortune !

Various Animal Joke 146
Why did the whale cross the road ? To get to the other tide !

Various Animal Joke 147
What is a whale’s favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!

Various Animal Joke 148
Why don’t whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It’s just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.

Various Animal Joke 149
Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers!

Various Animal Joke 150
What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales!

Various Animal Joke 151
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn’t a Fin whale!

Various Animal Joke 152
What’s at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time!

Various Animal Joke 153
Did you hear about the whale who couldn’t keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth!

Various Animal Joke 154
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer.

Various Animal Joke 155
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really!

Various Animal Joke 156
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.

Various Animal Joke 157
What is a buttress? A female goat.

Various Animal Joke 158
One goldfish to his tankmate: “If there’s no God, who changes the water?”

Various Animal Joke 159
Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.

Various Animal Joke 160
There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June. Why ? Because that was the end of May!

Various Animal Joke 161
What happened to the lizard in the wizard’s garden pond? He had him newt-ered.

Various Animal Joke 162
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.

Various Animal Joke 163
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.

Various Animal Joke 164
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world’s greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.

Various Animal Joke 165
What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.

Various Animal Joke 166
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear? A. Because every time she got hot, he d beat her with a shovel!

Various Animal Joke 167
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank

Various Animal Joke 168
Why don’t lobsters share? They re shellfish.

Various Animal Joke 169
Turtle to turtle: “Don’t ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?”

Various Animal Joke 170
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.

Various Animal Joke 171
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: “Mother said there would be knights like this.”

Various Animal Joke 172
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

Various Animal Joke 173
Mama bear to Papa bear: “Well… You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off .”

Various Animal Joke 174
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?

Various Animal Joke 175
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee!!!!!

Various Animal Joke 176
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!

Various Animal Joke 177
This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The service man asked him exactly what he wanted done, and the snail said he wanted little’s s painted all around and all over his car. The service man asked him why, and the snail answered “When people see me in my car I want them to say, look at that S-Car-Go!”

Various Animal Joke 178
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it “Hi Mr. Lion!” The other said, “Where did you get the gorilla suit?” The lion, rather frustrated, asks, “How did you know I was a lion?” The eagles then started to sing, “You can’t hide your lion eyes”.

Various Animal Joke 179
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said “it is quite cold out here can I come in?” the man shouted “NO why don’t you all understand I want to be alone!” and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, “What did you do that for?”

Various Animal Joke 180
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal. “There’s a human with a gun, and he’s getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?” To which the second skink calmly replied, “Let us spray .”

Various Animal Joke 181
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, “What would you like?” the fish says holding his neck, “Water”.

Zoo Joke 2
One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”? “Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

Zoo Joke 3
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: “I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: “I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. “Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose,” he typed. “Please send us two of them.”

Zoo Joke 4
Father and son standing outside the elephant’s cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, “If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us.”

Zoo Joke 5
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. “Look in the lion’s mouth,” the vet told him. “How do I do that?” he asked. “Carefully,” replied the vet.

Zoo Joke 6
Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out.

Zoo Joke 7
I was in the zoo last week. Really? Which cage were you in?

Zoo Joke 8
I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?

Zoo Joke 9
Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, “Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?” “Yes,” replied Dracula, “have lots of giraffes.”

Zoo Joke 10
Come on, Fred, I ll take you to the zoo. If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me!

Zoo Joke 11
Fred’s class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York. “Did you enjoy yourself?” asked her mother when she got home. “Oh, yes,” replied Fred. “But it was funny going to a dead zoo.”

Zoo Joke 12
Fred was definitely more than a bit dumb; when his pal asked him how he had enjoyed his day at the zoo, he replied, “it was a total con! I saw a sign that said To The Monkeys, so I followed it and saw the monkeys. Then I saw another sign that said To The Bears, so I followed that and saw the bears. But when I followed a sign that said To the Exit, I found myself out on the street.”

Zoo Joke 13
There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, his truck breaks down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day the original truck driver arrives in town and sees the new truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him. The original truck driver jumps out of his truck and asks, “What’s going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!” The new truck driver responds, “I did take them to the zoo. And I had enough money left over so now we re going to see a movie.”

Zoo Joke 14
The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu’s ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary’s turn to “survey” the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good. To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU’s EAR!

Zoo Joke 15
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger’s cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad,” the boy said finally, “if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …” “Yes, son?” the father said expectantly. “What bus should I take home?” the boy finished.

Zoo Joke 16
Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. “Go and clean out the aquarium” he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what he should do. “Throw them to the lions” said the head keeper, “the lions will eat anything”. So the young keeper returned to the aquarium, picked up all the dead fish and threw them into the lion’s cage. That done, he returned and asked what he should do now. He was instructed to go and clean out the ape house. Off he went and started cleaning. He was shocked to discover dead chimpanzees in the cage, and rushed back for instructions. “Dont worry” said the head keeper, “just throw them to the lions, the lions will eat anything”. So the young man returns to the ape house and throws the dead animals into the lions cage. Returning again for instructions, he is told to go along and help clean up the insect house. Busy cleaning out one off the exotic hives, he notices that all the bees have died. “I know what to do”, he thinks to himself “I ll throw them all to the lions, as the lions will eat anything”, whereupon he brushes them all up and throws them into the lion cage. The next day, the zoo obtains a new lioness. The lioness is walking around the new cage for the first time, and starts asking the other lions what things are like here. “Hows the accommodation?”, she asks. “Fine” comes the reply from one lion. “And whats the food like?” she asks. “Not bad” replies another, “yesterday, we had fish, chimps and mushy bees”.

Zoo Joke 17
My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, “If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!”

Zoo Joke 18
Hey, Pop, pleaded Angelo, “can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?” “What’s the matter with you?” asked his father. “Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?”

Zoo Joke 19
Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar. “Let’s get out of here!” said Sauer. “Go on, if n you want to,” said the other redneck. “But Ah m stayin for the whole movie!”

Zoo Joke 20
An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, “Have you looked in the yellow pages”? The director said he hadn t, but would, immediately. To his surprise, under “animal capturing service” he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately. Within 20 minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door. “Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?”, the little man asked. The director said there was, within one half mile from the zoo. “Hop in the truck”, the little man said. The director did and they drove off. Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted Arnold on a branch about 25 feet above the ground. The two men got out, went to the back of the truck and the little man opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in circles. The little man reached into the truck and took out a suitcase, which he opened. In the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, which he handed to the zoo director, a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned against the trunk of the tree, and a baseball bat. “Now,” the little man said, “I m going up into the tree with the baseball bat, and I m going to knoc k the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape hits the ground the dog, well trained, will bite the ape by the crotch and chomp-down with his jaws. The ape will, instantly and instinctively, grab at his crotch with both hands due to the pain, and you snap the handcuffs on and we’ve got him. The zoo director, pointing to the shotgun leaning against the tree, said “I m not too sure about this — What’s the gun for?” The little man said, “Look, I m an expert. I know what I m doing and things will go just fine, after all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and it ll never happen but if the ape should, by any chance, knock ME out of the tree, SHOOT THE DOG!!!”

Zoo Joke 21
Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo. The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, lept to the ground and kissed her. Then he went back into his cage, straightened the bars and resumed thumping on his massive chest. The nouns met again a week later and one of the nouns asked her friend,”I have one question.Did he sent flowers afterwards…?”

Zoo Joke 22
Caller: Finally! I got through! I’ve been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

Zoo Joke 23
A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages “An whut animal would that be ?” he asked the keeper. “Thats a moose from Canada”, came the reply. “A moose !!”, exclaimed the Scotsman. “Hoots, mon, if that’s a moose then they must ha rats the size of elephants over there !”

Zoo Joke 24
What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film? Stop playing it cagey!

Zoo Joke 25
When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order? A zoo-t suit!

Zoo Joke 26
FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla? BERT: No, what happened? FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . . BERT: What did you do? FRED: Oh, I d had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

Zoo Joke 27
What’s the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

Zoo Joke 28
Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan’s reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left. “So how was it?” Elaine asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Jordan replied. “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked Elaine. “Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Jordan, excitedly, “especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!”

Zoo Joke 29
What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn’t recognize them!

Zoo Joke 30
Zoo Keeper:”I’ve lost one of my elephants” Other Zoo Keeper:”Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?” Zoo Keeper:”Don’t be silly, he can’t read!”

Zoo Joke 31
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger’s cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad,” the boy said finally, “if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …” “Yes, son?” the father said expectantly. “What bus should I take home?” the boy finished.

Zoo Joke 32
You don’t see many reindeer in zoos, do you? No. They can’t afford the admission.

Zoo Joke 33
Zoo visitor: What’s the new baby hippo’s name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don’t know, he won’t tell me.

Mouse Joke 2
What do mice do when they re at home ? Mousework !

Mouse Joke 3
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat ? Here Kitty, kitty, kitty !

Mouse Joke 4
What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !

Mouse Joke 5
Why do mice have long tails ? Well, they d look silly with long hair !

Mouse Joke 6
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves ? Mickey Moose !

Mouse Joke 7
How do you save a drowning mouse ? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !

Mouse Joke 8
Where do hamsters come from ? Hamsterdam !

Mouse Joke 9
What’s a mouse’s least favorite record ? What’s up Pussycat !

Mouse Joke 10
Why do mice need oiling ? Because they squeak !

Mouse Joke 11
What do rodents say when they play bingo ? Eyes down for a full mouse !

Mouse Joke 12
What squeaks as it solves crimes ? Miami mice !

Mouse Joke 13
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer ? Mice cubes !

Mouse Joke 14
What is a mouse’s favorite record ? Please cheese me !

Mouse Joke 15
What have 12 legs, six eyes, three tails and can’t see ? Three blind mice !

Mouse Joke 16
What is small, furry and smells like bacon ? A hamster !

Mouse Joke 17
Is there a mouse in the house ? No, but there’s a moose on the loose !

Mouse Joke 18
When should a mouse carry an umbrella ? When it’s raining cats and dogs !

Mouse Joke 19
What are crisp, like milk and go eek, eek, eek when you eat them ? Mice Krispies !

Mouse Joke 20
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights ? A mouseketeer !

Mouse Joke 21
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk ? Dirty looks from the mouse !

Mouse Joke 22
What’s the definition of a narrow squeak ? A thin mouse !

Mouse Joke 23
What goes eek, eek, bang? A mouse in a minefield !

Mouse Joke 24
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves ? Stalagmice !

Mouse Joke 25
What mouse was a Roman emperor ? Julius Cheeser !

Mouse Joke 26
Who is king of all the mice ? Mouse Tse Tung !

Mouse Joke 27
What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time ? Cross mouse cards !

Mouse Joke 28
What’s the hardest part of milking a mouse ? Getting it to fit over a bucket !

Mouse Joke 29
Hickory hickory dock. The mouse ran up the clock The clock struck one But the rest got away with minor injuries

Mouse Joke 30
What’s gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside ? A mouse sandwich !

Mouse Joke 31
How do mice celebrate when they move home ? With a mouse warming party !

Mouse Joke 32
What is a mouse’s favourite game ? Hide and squeak !

Mouse Joke 33
Why did the mouse eat a candle ? For some light refreshment!

Mouse Joke 34
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak ? Mouse code !

Mouse Joke 35
What do you get if cross a mouse woth a packet of washing up powder ? Bubble and squeak !

Mouse Joke 36
What’s a mouse’s favourite record ? Please cheese me !

Mouse Joke 37
Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat? Mom ! I see an angel.