Animal Jokes

Horse Joke 1
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, “You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!”

Horse Joke 2
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn’t show up at the church. He got colt feet

Horse Joke 3
As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!

Horse Joke 4
Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!

Horse Joke 5
Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!

Gorilla Joke 1
A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone Who’s a gorilla expert. When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs. The man says, What are all of those for? The animal control officer says, I ll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists. The man asks,

Gorilla Joke 2
Q: What’s black and dangerous and lives in a tree? A: A gorilla with a machine gun.

Frog Joke 1
A librarian was quietly working when three chickens walked in and jumped on to the counter eyed her and said “BUK BUK BUK” Not sure she was sane she gave the chikens three books and they left. An hour later in walked the chickens again jumped onto the counter, returned the books they had taken earlier and said “BUK BUK BUK” Now convinced she was out of her mind she gave them three books, they took one each and left. This time she decided to follow them. She followed them down to the local pond and stood horrified as they threw the books into the water. All of a sudden they flew back out of the pond and a frog stuck it’s head up saying “RREDIT RREDIT RREDIT!”

Elephant Joke 1
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s toes? A: Slow clowns.

Elephant Joke 2
We re going to play elephants and circuses, said a little boy at kindergarten, Do you want to join in? I d love to, replied the teacher. What do you want me to do?

Elephant Joke 3
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red ? So he could hide in the cherry tree !

Elephant Joke 4
What do you call an elephant that flies ? A jumbo jet !

Elephant Joke 5
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ? Big holes all over Australia !

Dog Joke 1
A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said “Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy.” The man replied “Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there are no signs of any welcome!!”

Dog Joke 2
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said “Yes why?” She said I m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What??” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got??” “A Peke” Replied the woman. “A Peke??? how could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?” “I think it got stuck in his throat!” Replied the woman.

Dinosaur Joke 1
Q: Why doesn’t the dinosaur cross the road anymore? A: Because their eggs stink. (They re extinct)

Dinosaur Joke 2
Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks!

Dinosaur Joke 3
Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? A: Down in the mouth!

Dinosaur Joke 4
Q: What’s green and purple and goes up and down? A: Barney in an elevator.

Dinosaur Joke 5
Q: What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? A: What a lavaly day!

Dinosaur Joke 6
Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Because the chicken wasn’t invented yet.

Cow Joke 1
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? A: Laughing stock.

Cow Joke 2
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk ? An udder failure !

Cow Joke 3
Camper: Look at that bunch of cows. Farmer: Not bunch, herd. Camper: Heard what? Farmer: Of cows. Camper: Sure I’ve heard of cows. Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd. Camper: So what? I have no secrets from cows!

Cow Joke 4
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don’t work.

Also checkout Funny Cat Videos

Bird Joke 1
A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot “Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or I ll break your neck, do you understand?” The parrot reluctantly agrees. On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they can’t get the case closed. “Get on top and sit on it baby!” Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but can’t shut the case. “You get on top baby it might be better” Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case. After a little thought the man says “Ok we ll both get on top see if that’s any better!” The parrot turns round and says “Neck or no neck I have to see this!”

Ant Joke 1
Why don’t anteaters get sick ? Because they are full of antibodies!

Ant Joke 2
Why did the ant-elope ? Nobody gnu !

Ant Joke 3
Who is the most famous French ant ? Napoleant !

Ant Joke 4
What do you call an and with frogs legs ? An antphibian !

Ant Joke 5
What do you call an ant who can’t play the piano ? Discordant !

Ant Joke 6
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone ? An independant !

Ant Joke 7
What kind of ant can you colour with ? A crayant !

Aardvark Joke 1
What is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks!

Aardvark Joke 2
What does the aardvark call his dog? Aard-bark!

Aardvark Joke 3
What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote? One has a long smeller, the other, a loud yeller!

Aardvark Joke 4
Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants? Ronald MacAardvark!

Aardvark Joke 5
What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium? An aard-shark!

Aardvark Joke 6
What does an aardvark get when he overeats? Ant-digestion!

Aardvark Joke 7
What does an aardvark take for ant-digestion? Anta-Seltzer!

Aardvark Joke 8
Who’s the aardvark’s favorite female vocalist? Bearbara Streis-ant!

Two farmers were discussing politics and the first one says: “I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal.”

“Well” replied the other farmer “I’m not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you’d give me one?”

“Of course” says the first.

The second farmer continued: “and of you had two cars, you’d give me one of them too?”

“Absolutely”

“So” says the second farmer, “if you had two pigs then you’d give me one of them?”

“Ah, now hang on a minute” says the first, “you know I’ve got two pigs!”