Animal Jokes

There is a Bar in Calumpang who have has a Horse and they have a contest of it. Whoever will make the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free drinks.

So a man from Manila comes in and the Bartender looks at him and he ask for a beer and he ask the Bartender about the contest.

The Bartender tells him that whoever makes the horse laugh will win P5,000 and free beer on the house.

So this guy whisper something to the horse and the horse rolls over and laughing!!!

EEEEEEeeeeeeehhhh!!!

He takes the P5,000 from the Bartender, drinks a lot of beer.

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.

The mother mouse goes, “BARK!” and the cat runs away.

“See?” says the mother mouse to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”

Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the dog's tail we had to change his name to Beaver.

Animal Truism Joke 01
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

Animal Truism Joke 02
If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.

Animal Truism Joke 03
In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Animal Truism Joke 04
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Animal Truism Joke 05
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

Funny Animal Joke 1
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

Funny Animal Joke 2
Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Funny Animal Joke 3
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Funny Animal Joke 4
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Funny Animal Joke 5
Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins).

Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it.

The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins).

Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins).

The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual.

When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger.

I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!”

The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. “I don’t know about you, lady,” he said incredulously. “But I usually just put my car in park.”

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. “Who’s the boss around here?” he asked.

“I am.” said the man.

“I have a black horse and a brown horse,” the farmer said, “which one would you like?”

The man thought for a minute and said, “The black one.”

“No, no, no, get the brown one.” the man’s wife said.

A traveler was driving through Arkansas when he lost his way and got off the main highway. As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and pigpens and pigs running in fields and pigs wallowing in mud. Suddenly, his eye caught something really strange. He did a double take, muttered to himself and then looked a third time. He wondered if he had seen correctly – it looked like a pig with a wooden leg!

He found the lane to the farm and drove up into the farmyard, where he was met by the farmer. “Excuse me,” the traveler said. “I was just driving by and looking at all your pigs, and I noticed something that I just had to stop and ask about. Tell me, did I see right? Is there really a pig out there with a wooden leg?”

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

One day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bonking them on the head.

A good fairy appeared. “Little Rabbit FooFoo, what you’re doing is evil! Stop it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!” she said.

Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.

The next day, Little Rabbit FooFoo was again hopping through the forest, snatching all the mice, and bonking them on the head.

Again, the good fairy appeared. “Little Rabbit FooFoo, I told you that’s evil! Stop it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!” she said.

Again, Little Rabbit FooFoo just laughed and laughed.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I go up in heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.