The bartender is a bit shocked by all this, but pours the beer, and brings it over to the horse, who proffers a ten dollar bill for it.

Now the barman figures the horse isn’t that bright, so he decides to pull the old ’short-change’ trick on him. He duly goes back to the horse with 1 dollar. The horse doesn’t say a word.

The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes up to the bar to order another. The bartender says to him, “Y’know, we don’t get many horses in here.”

To which the horse replies, “At nine dollars a beer, I’m not surprised!”

They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.

As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, “You’re Passionate.”

They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, “You’re Passionate.”

The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, “Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven’t told us where you live!”

She replied, “I keep trying to tell you, you’re passin it!”

“Owch!” the Chinese man says. “What was that for?”

“That was for Pearl Harbor,” the Jewish man says.

“But I’m Chinese!” “Chinese, Japanese, what’s the difference?” And the Jewish man sits back down.

Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.

“Ouch!” the Jewish man says. “What was that for?”

“That was for the Titanic,” the Chinese man says.

“But that was an iceberg!”

“Ice berg, Goldberg, what’s the difference?”

“It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother.

Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

The bartender says, “You shouldn’t be that close to something so disgusting, such a low-life animal.”

The pirate says, “Arr, it’s ok, he’s had his shots.”

Then the bartender says, “I was talking to the parrot!”

“What''s the deal?” the bartender asks.

The duck says, “It''s opposite day.”

…, “Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman.”

“Oh yeah?” said Charlie “And how did this one end?”

“When it was over,” Mike replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”

“Really,” said Charles, “now that’s a switch! What did she say?”

“She said, ‘Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.’”

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face. With both hands.

“Actually, no” he replies.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him.” she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t” breathes the barman – clearly aroused. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes there is. I need you to give him a message” she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“Tell him” she says “that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.”

WOMAN: Whoever can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can date me for tonight.

1ST MAN: I love liver and cheese!

WOMAN: That’s not good enough!

2ND MAN: I hate liver and cheese!

WOMAN: That’s not creative!

3RD MAN: Liver alone, cheese mine!

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See those, baby?? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She is aching for action at this point.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”? She begins to drool.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, “Why are you in such a hurry to go?

“She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”