Celebrity Jokes

A few not so politically correct Michael Jackson Jokes. I wasn’t sure if to put this under the Black Jokes
or White Jokes section, what do you think

Michael Jackson Joke 01
Bubbles the chimp will be happy Michael Jackson died, his ass won’t be red like a baboons anymore!

Michael Jackson Joke 02
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning, he ate 12 year old nuts and a 13 year old wiener

Michael Jackson Joke 03
Farrah fawcet died and went to heaven. God gave her one wish. She wished all the children in the world would be safe, so God killed Micheal Jackson.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

A roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.

The Ultimate Collection of 644 Chuck Norris Jokes, if you know of more please post them at the bottom.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

70% of a humans weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

Chuck Norris Joke 1
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Chuck Norris Joke 2
Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

Chuck Norris Joke 3
Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

Chuck Norris Joke 4
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris Joke 5
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris Joke 6
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris Joke 1
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris Joke 2
Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris Joke 3
Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

Chuck Norris Joke 4
Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.

Chuck Norris Joke 5
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris Joke 6
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”

“Both son. God is both.”

After awhile the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?”

“Both son, both.”

“Daddy, does God love children?”

“Yes son, he loves all children.”

The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it”’’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

The Three Stars

One day Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Pierce Brosnan were in a jungle in order to take some shots for a new movie. Unfortunately, they were caught by a tribal group. As they were about to be executed they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for her mercy. She said, ”Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.” The three stars agreed. Then went into the jungle to look for some food
Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.