Chuck Norris Jokes

The Ultimate Collection of 644 Chuck Norris Jokes, if you know of more please post them at the bottom.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

70% of a humans weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

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11703 words, reading time ~ 46:49 mins

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Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick Jokes

Posted on November 20th, 2008 in Celebrity Jokes, Chuck Norris Jokes, Funny Jokes

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

A roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.

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2060 words, reading time ~ 8:14 mins

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Chuck Norris is One Bad Dude Jokes

Posted on June 21st, 2008 in Celebrity Jokes, Chuck Norris Jokes, Funny Jokes

Chuck Norris Joke 1
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

Chuck Norris Joke 2
Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

Chuck Norris Joke 3
Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

Chuck Norris Joke 4
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris Joke 5
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Chuck Norris Joke 6
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

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246 words, reading time ~ 59 secs

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Chuck Norris is Da Man Jokes

Posted on May 12th, 2008 in Celebrity Jokes, Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris Joke 1
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris Joke 2
Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris Joke 3
Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

Chuck Norris Joke 4
Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.

Chuck Norris Joke 5
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris Joke 6
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

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129 words, reading time ~ 31 secs

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