Chuck Norris Jokes

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

A roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

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The Ultimate Collection of 644 Chuck Norris Jokes, if you know of more please post them at the bottom.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

70% of a humans weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

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- Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

- Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

- Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

- Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

- It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

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- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

- Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

- Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

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