Dirty Jokes

Dirty Joke 1
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it…you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!!”

Bookmark It

Dirty jokes, not suitable for young children.

Dirty Joke 1
———–

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!”

And so they did.

As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, “My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!”

And the woman was thinking to herself, “My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!”

Bookmark It

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor a few weeks before Christmas.

She gets into the tattooists chair and tells the tattoo artist, “I want two Christmas tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other.”

The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, “Lady, I’ll do anything my customers want, but I gotta ask, why would you want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?”

Bookmark It

A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Maria said, “My family went to the Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word “fascinate.`”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to Magic Kingdom. I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word fascinate.”

Mario raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Mario was noted for his bad language.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.

Bookmark It