I’ve posted racist black jokes, racist white jokes and now Anti Racist Jokes.
Anti Racist Joke 01
“Now you see him, now you don’t, now you see him, now you don’t” A Racist on a Zebra crossing (didn’t say what colour the racist was)
Anti Racist Joke 02
2 racists walk into a bar. Ouch, Ouch
Anti Racist Joke 03
5 more racists walk into the same bar as the other 2. Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch
Anti Racist Joke 04
A fat racist and a skinny racist jump off a cliff. Who wins? Society
What NOT to do when gambling in a casino
Casino Joke 01
Don’t ask casino security where the pinball machines are?
Casino Joke 02
Don’t butt into a private high stakes poker tournament game saying “mind if I join in?”
Casino Joke 03
Don’t ask the blackjack dealer if he knows any good card tricks?
Casino Joke 04
Don’t ask the casino cashier for change for the toilets condom machine?
Casino Joke 05
Don’t ask the croupier if you can use your lucky dice?
Casino Joke 06
Don’t ask the dealer about the odds on strip poker?
Money Joke 1
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”
Movie And TV Joke 1
A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement. “How d the meeting go?” asks the first guy. “It went great,” says his buddy. “Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million.” “Fabulous,” says the guy by the pool. “There’s just one catch,” his partner warns. “What’s the catch?” “We have to put up ten thousand in cash”.
Music Joke 1
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor.
Music Joke 2
Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away? A: Root position cords.
Music Joke 3
Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one.
Music Joke 4
Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?” A: The other replies, “That was no piccolo, that was my fife.”
Old Age Joke 1
Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? A: She wanted to rock and roll
Police Joke 1
The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I ll come back and talk about the old county. I want to say something to this fella that ran into the back of your cab.”
Political Joke 1
Republicans say “Merry Christmas!” Democrats say “Happy Holidays!”
Political Joke 2
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Political Joke 3
Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Political Joke 4
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
Political Joke 5
When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine. Democrats ask for a “Bud.”
Salesmen Joke 1
A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. “I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.” The salesman thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000,” the genie said. “I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But your rival has just received two Ferraris,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?” “Well,” said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.”
School Joke 1
Teacher: What’s 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That’s good. Pupil: Good?, that’s perfect!
School Joke 2
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
School Joke 3
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can’t sit down!
School Joke 4
Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school
Space Joke 1
What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer !
Space Joke 2
What do you call an overweight ET ? An extra cholesterol !
Space Joke 3
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. “Mr. President,” said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, “there’s good news & bad news.” “Oh, no,” muttered the President, “Well, let me have the bad news first.” “The bad news, sir, is that we’ve been invaded by creatures from another planet.” “Gosh, and the good news?” “The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil.”
Spelling Joke 1
Please, ma”am! How do you spell ichael? The teacher was rather bewildered. “Don’t you mean Michael?” she asked. “No, ma am. I’ve written the M already.”
Spelling Joke 2
School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis? Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.
Spelling Joke 3
How do you spell wrong? R?o?n?g. That’s wrong. That’s what you asked for, isn’t it?
Spelling Joke 4
First witch: Here’s a banana if you can spell it. Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don’t know when to stop.
