Funny Jokes

Funny Law 1
Anthony’s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Funny Law 2
Bell’s Theorem: As soon as the body is immersed fully in the bathtub, the telephone will ring.

Funny Law 3
Breda’s Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Funny Law 4
Cannon’s Karmic Law: If you use the excuse that you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will actually have a flat tire.

Funny Law 5
Conway’s Law: In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

Some of these are hilarious, a must read.

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a one-year-old to eat strained beets.

ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.

APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42.

BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning.

“BECAUSE”: Mom’s reason for having kids do things which can’t be explained logically.

BED AND BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.

CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

Funny Computer Joke 1
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

Funny Computer Joke 2
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981

Funny Computer Joke 3
11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.

Funny Computer Joke 4
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2 (especially with the old Pentium chip).

Funny Computer Joke 5
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

Funny Computer Joke 6
A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.

Funny Computer Joke 7
A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.

Funny Computer Joke 8
Access denied–nah nah na nah nah!

Funny Emo Joke 1
An emo kid, a Jew, a Mexican, and a black guy jump off a building, who wins? Society.

Funny Emo Joke 2
Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!

Funny Emo Joke 3
Drive an emo insane: Put ‘em in a round room and tell them to go cry in the corner.

Funny Emo Joke 4
Emo is to music as Terrorism is to society.

Funny Emo Joke 5
Emo’s aren’t food products.. So DONT friggin label em’

Funny Emo Joke 6
How can you tell it’s an emo guy hitting on you and not a regular dude? Instead of asking for your phone number, he asks for your poetry blog.

Funny Irish Joke 01
Finnegin: Me wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it.
Sean: What on earth is she doin’ at that time?
Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home.

Funny Irish Joke 02
First Irish Farmer: “My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it.”
Second Irish Farmer: “Did you shoot it in the hole?”
First Irish Farmer: ” No, in the head.”

Funny Irish Joke 03
Incomprehensibly, the last coach of the train on a normal route kept getting smashed up by vandals.
A porter came up with an idea. “Why don’t we leave the last coach off!”

I’ve posted racist black jokes, racist white jokes and now Anti Racist Jokes.

Anti Racist Joke 01
“Now you see him, now you don’t, now you see him, now you don’t” A Racist on a Zebra crossing (didn’t say what colour the racist was)

Anti Racist Joke 02
2 racists walk into a bar. Ouch, Ouch

Anti Racist Joke 03
5 more racists walk into the same bar as the other 2. Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch

Anti Racist Joke 04
A fat racist and a skinny racist jump off a cliff. Who wins? Society

What NOT to do when gambling in a casino

Casino Joke 01
Don’t ask casino security where the pinball machines are?

Casino Joke 02
Don’t butt into a private high stakes poker tournament game saying “mind if I join in?”

Casino Joke 03
Don’t ask the blackjack dealer if he knows any good card tricks?

Casino Joke 04
Don’t ask the casino cashier for change for the toilets condom machine?

Casino Joke 05
Don’t ask the croupier if you can use your lucky dice?

Casino Joke 06
Don’t ask the dealer about the odds on strip poker?

Casino Joke 07
Don’t ask the guy next to you if he can break a five?

Money Joke 1
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”

Movie And TV Joke 1
A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement. “How d the meeting go?” asks the first guy. “It went great,” says his buddy. “Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million.” “Fabulous,” says the guy by the pool. “There’s just one catch,” his partner warns. “What’s the catch?” “We have to put up ten thousand in cash”.

Movie And TV Joke 2
How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he’s done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.

Music Joke 1
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor.

Music Joke 2
Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away? A: Root position cords.

Music Joke 3
Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one.

Music Joke 4
Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?” A: The other replies, “That was no piccolo, that was my fife.”

Music Joke 5
Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip.

Old Age Joke 1
Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? A: She wanted to rock and roll

Police Joke 1
The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I ll come back and talk about the old county. I want to say something to this fella that ran into the back of your cab.”