Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. Internationally known: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas. Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept. Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work. Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes. Keeps informed [...]

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“Big scandal on the new ‘Survivor’ series. The white, the black and the Hispanic teams were caught cheating off the Asian team.” –Jay Leno “The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to Canada’s Foreign Minister, Peter MacKay. It’s gotta be awkward dating a fellow diplomat. Like today, MacKay had to promise Condi he would get permission from the U.N. before he [...]

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Funny Voicemail Message 1 Hi you reached your name and I’m not here. Leave a message.. BEEP.. Seconds later say “HAHA, that was a fake beep created by my mouth. I fooled you good!” Funny Voicemail Message 2 A is for A, B is for Beer, C is for C, D is for Drunk. Call me back in 48 hours when I’m R for Recovered! Funny Voicemail Message 3 A is for apple, B is [...]

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“The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill to build a 700-mile fence along the Mexican border. Apparently, the idea is to keep Mexicans from getting back home.” –Conan O’Brien “A new season of ‘Survivor’ debuted tonight featuring the controversial idea of separating the tribes by race. The Asian tribe is called Puka Puka, the African-American tribe is called Manihiki, and the Caucasian tribe is called the Republicans.” –Conan O’Brien “This week, President Bush said [...]

Continue Reading Funny Conan OBrien Quotes

Funny Pick Up Line 1 A boy gives a girl 12 roses. 11 fake, 1 real and he says to her ” I will stop loving you when all the roses die” Funny Pick Up Line 2 A cat falls into the water & the rooster laughs. What’s the moral of the story??? A wet pu**y alway’s makes a happy c*ck. Funny Pick Up Line 3 A tall man to a short woman: “You’re perfect [...]

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100 Funny Quotes Funny Quote 01 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Funny Quote 02 A dream catcher works, if your dream is to be gay – Demetri Martin Funny Quote 03 A penny saved is ridiculous. Funny Quote 04 After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, No hablo ingles. Funny Quote 05 All [...]

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- If the enemy is in range, so are you. – Incoming fire has the right of way. – Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. – There is always a way. – The easy way is always mined. – Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. – Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous. – The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you’re ready for them. b. When [...]

Continue Reading Funny Murphy’s Laws Of Combat Quotes

- It’s impossible to believe that the sperm that created you beat out 1,000,000 others. – The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. – If you were any more stupid, you’d have to be watered twice a week. – The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. – When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell. – You may have a “full six-pack” but lack the plastic [...]

Continue Reading Wicked Comeback Quotes

Some of these are hilarious, a must read. AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a one-year-old to eat strained beets. ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself. APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes. BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom’s youngest child, even if he’s 42. BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by [...]

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Funny Court Quote: Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Funny Court Quote: Q: How old is your son – the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with [...]

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