A young sexy blonde went to Las Vegas and found herself in a casino.

She had been in the casino for about an hour, and realized she was thirsty.

So the blonde went to the pop machine in the hall.

She put $1.00 in and a Pepsi came out, she put another $1.00 in and another Pepsi came out, she put one last $1.00 in and another Pepsi came out.

A man who worked at the casino saw what the dumb blond was doing and asked her “What are you doing?”

The sexy dumb blonde responded “Duh!! Winning!!!”

If you know another dumb blonde joke or a casino/gambling joke please post it in the comments below.

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker tonight” said the friend.

“I’ll be right over” whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious dear?”

“Oh yes, quite serious” said the doctor gravely with his best poker face. “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to gamble in the casinos. He lost the shirt off his back, his losses were so bad he risked bankruptcy on his return home! All he had of value was the return half of his round-trip ticket in his pocket that would run out that same night!

It was very late at night and having no money left he had to call it a weekend, but had no money for the cab fare to the airport from the casino! If he could just get to the airport within the hour he could get himself home that same night to lick his financial wounds, otherwise he’d be stuck in Vegas with no money and no way home in the morning!

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was just a single taxi cab waiting.

Hoping to find a charitable cabby he got in and explained the situation to the cabby and promised to send the driver $50 from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver’s license number, his address, etc., but to no avail the cabby was adamant “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!”

The businessman was forced to hitchhike the 10 miles from the casino to the airport and was just in time to catch his flight home.

One year later the businessman, having worked hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas, and this time he won BIG. Feeling good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

This time there was a long line of cabs and at the very end was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck after gambling his shirt away! The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a cunning plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line outside the casino, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked?

“Fifteen bucks,” came the reply.

“And how much for you to give me sexual favors on the way?”

“What?! Get the hell out of my cab!” the first cab driver replied!

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the long line, he got in and asked, “How much for a ride to the airport?”

The cabby who didn’t recognise the businessman replied, “Fifteen bucks.”

The businessman said, “Okay” and off they went to the airport.

As they slowly drove past the long line of cabs outside the casino, the business man gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each cab driver.

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table for gamblers.

A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

The blonde says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier gambling when I’m bottomless.”

With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice on the craps table while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!”

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the craps dealers. “YES! I WIN! I WIN!”

With that the blonde picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves the casino.

The casino dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?”

The other answers, “I don’t know, I thought YOU were watching!”

A group of life long friends from the same Chicago street spent a weekend gambling vacation in Las Vegas.

They all agreed if one of them won big they would treat the others to another gambling break next holiday.

One of the men on the gambling trip won $100,000 playing blackjack.

Remembering the agreement to treat the group if one of them won big he didn’t want anyone to know about his blackjack winnings, so decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home, he arrived back at 3 a.m.

Believing he was safe, he immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and hid the blackjack money in it.

The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole.

He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute friend.

On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.

Grabbing his gun in anger, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man’s house.

“You tell this SOB that if he doesn’t give me back my $100,000 I’m going to kill him!” he screamed at the professor.

The professor conveyed the message to his deaf friend, and his friend replied in sign language, “I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree, I wasn’t going to keep it, I did it to teach him a lesson for being so cheap and underhanded!”

The professor turned to the enraged man with the gun and said, “He’s not going to tell you. He said he’d rather die first!”

Three male work friends decided to take their wives on a gambling vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The gambling vacation week flew by and they all had a great time in the casinos gambling.

After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their Vegas vacation.

The first guy says “I don’t think I’ll ever do that again! Ever since we got back from Vegas, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, “7 come 11″ all night & I haven’t had a wink of sleep!”

The second guy says “I know what you mean… my old lady played black jack the whole vacation and she slaps the bed all night and hollers “hit me light or hit me hard”, and I haven’t had a wink of sleep either!”

The third guy says “You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole vacation and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!”

Two blonde friends, Jenny and Jane, went together to play the slot machines at the casino.

The blondes agreed that when their allotted gambling money was gone, she would go sit on the beach and wait for the other to finish gambling.

Jane quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the beach.

The blonde patiently waited and waited and waited and waited on the beach.

After what seemed an eternity, she saw her blonde friend Jenny coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins!

“Hey, Jane,” said Jenny, “how’d you do?”

“Well, Jenny”, said Jane, “you see me here on the beach, what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though.”

“Oh yeah,” said Jenny, “did I find a good slot machine! It’s way in the back. I’ll show it to you, you can’t lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!”

Bob had been gambling in the casinos of Las Vegas all weekend and was down on his luck, he’d lost over $30,000!

He had gambled away all his money, including his emergency money and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men’s room.

By luck the stall happened to be open, so he gambled his last borrowed dime in a slot machine and hit the $500 jackpot!

He took his lucky winnings and went to the blackjack table and turned his winnings into ten million dollars before calling it a day.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Bob went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible lucky gambling story.

He told his audience of unlucky gamblers that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man who made his current life possible, he would share his lucky fortune with him right down the middle.

After months of gambling lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, “I’m that man. I was the one who gave you the dime.”

Bob replied “You’re not the one I’m looking for. I’m looking for the guy who left the stall door open!”

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the blackjack dealer.

The BJ player said, “When I get bad cards, it’s not the blackjack dealer’s fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the blackjack dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?”

The blackjack dealer said, “When you eat out do you tip the waiter?” … “Yes” replied the player.

“Well then, he serves you food at dinner; I’m serving you cards at blackjack, so you should tip me.”

“Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. So I’ll take an eight!”

What NOT to do when gambling in a casino

Casino Joke 01
Don’t ask casino security where the pinball machines are?

Casino Joke 02
Don’t butt into a private high stakes poker tournament game saying “mind if I join in?”

Casino Joke 03
Don’t ask the blackjack dealer if he knows any good card tricks?

Casino Joke 04
Don’t ask the casino cashier for change for the toilets condom machine?

Casino Joke 05
Don’t ask the croupier if you can use your lucky dice?

Casino Joke 06
Don’t ask the dealer about the odds on strip poker?

Casino Joke 07
Don’t ask the guy next to you if he can break a five?

Casino Joke 08
Don’t ask the Roulette guy if the French wheel was imported from France?

Casino Joke 09
Don’t ask where the play blackjack for fun tables are?

Casino Joke 10
Don’t bring your silver dollar yo-yo near the slot machines!

Casino Joke 11
Don’t call for a ball measurement after losing a roulette spin!

Casino Joke 12
Don’t complain to the pitboss about the dealer’s poker face!

Casino Joke 13
Don’t count cards with your fingers and toes!

Casino Joke 14
Don’t flip chips capriciously onto the poker table from 5 feet away and say “let it ride baby”!

Casino Joke 15
Don’t pretend you’re an IRS agent and talk into your sleeve!

Casino Joke 16
Don’t pull out your Hoyle’s rule book when the blackjack dealer says you can’t split an 8th time!

Casino Joke 17
Don’t put your dinner plate on the roulette table!

Casino Joke 18
Don’t say Episcopalian when the cashier asks you which denomination you prefer?

Casino Joke 19
Don’t stuff your pockets with big magnets and then play roulette!

Casino Joke 20
Don’t tip the casino security guard!

Casino Joke 21
Don’t try to psyche out the blackjack dealer by staring at him for 5 minutes.!

Casino Joke 22
If you lose at Blackjack, don’t say to the dealer, “okay, okay, double or nothing?”

Casino Joke 23
Never wink at the blackjack dealer, especially if he’s the same sex!

Casino Joke 24
When the dealer decides to stand, don’t say “I’m calling’ ya’ yellow’ mister”!

Casino Joke 25
Don’t attempt to buy poker chips using monopoly money!