Monster Joke 1
What brings the monster’s babies? The Frankenstork.

Monster Joke 2
Did you hear about the monster who went to a holiday camp? He won the ugly mug and knobbly knees competition and he wasn’t even entered.

Monster Joke 3
How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.

Monster Joke 4
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other? I didn’t know we lived on the same block.

Monster Joke 5
How did Frankenstein’s monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.

Monster Joke 6
Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.

Monster Joke 7
How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster? On a piece rate.

Monster Joke 8
Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, “Monster, monster, what are you doing here?” The monster said, “Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I’ve come to meet my maker.”

Monster Joke 9
What happened to Frankenstein’s monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

Monster Joke 10
What does Frankenstein’s monster call a screwdriver? Daddy.

Monster Joke 11
What happened to Frankenstein’s stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud s.

Monster Joke 12
Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin. Igor: But What’s it for? Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.

Monster Joke 13
Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede. Dracula: And what did he get? Igor: We don’t know – we haven’t managed to catch it yet.

Monster Joke 14
What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium? He got atomic ache.

Monster Joke 15
Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements.

Monster Joke 16
What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster? Sir.

Monster Joke 17
Why did the monster stop playing with his brother? He got tired of kicking him around.

Monster Joke 18
What do you call a monster with a wooden head? Edward.

Monster Joke 19
What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time? Pleased to eat you!

Monster Joke 20
How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it’s a good one you will be able to talk about it later!

Monster Joke 21
What do you call a monster with two wooden heads? Edward Woodward.

Monster Joke 22
What does a monster do when he loses his head? He calls a head hunter.

Monster Joke 23
How did the monster cure his sore throat? He spent all day gargoyling.

Monster Joke 24
On which day do monsters eat people? Chewsday.

Monster Joke 25
What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger? The bogeyman.

Monster Joke 26
Little monster: Mom, I’ve finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I ll save it for your supper.

Monster Joke 27
First monster: I have a hunch. Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape.

Monster Joke 28
Did you hear the joke about the two monsters who crashed? They fell off a cliff, boom, boom.

Monster Joke 29
How do you address a monster? Very politely.

Monster Joke 30
Did you hear about the monster who had twelve arms and no legs? He was all fingers and thumbs.

Monster Joke 31
HWhy did the monster lie on his back? To trip up low-flying aircraft.

Monster Joke 32
What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster? A purple people eater.

Monster Joke 33
Where is the monster’s temple? On the side of his head.

Monster Joke 34
How do you communicate with the Loch Ness Monster at 20,000 fathoms? Drop him a line.

Monster Joke 35
What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster? A failure.

Monster Joke 36
Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster? Girl: Really? What kind of fur? Boy: As fur away as possible!

Monster Joke 37
How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? Because it comes out in conversation

Monster Joke 38
What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.

Monster Joke 39
Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war? He lost it in a hair raid.

Monster Joke 40
What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand? He went to the second-hand shop.

Monster Joke 41
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag.

Monster Joke 42
Why was the monster standing on his head? He was turning things over in his mind.

Monster Joke 43
What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen? The Ink-credible Hulk.

Monster Joke 44
Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?

Monster Joke 45
Why did the monster take his nose apart? To see what made it run.

Monster Joke 46
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.

Monster Joke 47
On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. “I hope this spaceship doesn’t travel faster than sound. “Why?” replies the cabin steward. “Because my friend and I want to talk, that’s why.”

Monster Joke 48
Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I’ve only got three pairs of hands.

Monster Joke 49
What’s big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels? A monster on roller-skates.

Monster Joke 50
What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.

Monster Joke 51
How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away.

Monster Joke 52
What do you do with a green monster? Put it in the sun until it ripens!

Monster Joke 53
What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Don’t talk with someone in your mouth.

Monster Joke 54
What did Frankenstein’s monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks, I needed that.

Monster Joke 55
What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film.

Monster Joke 56
First Monster: I m so thirsty my tongue’s hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!

Monster Joke 57
What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anything you like ? he can’t hear you.

Monster Joke 58
The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn’t like him anyway.

Monster Joke 59
How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand? On their warts.

Monster Joke 60
Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him? Of course – he d be eggs-terminated.

Monster Joke 61
What does the hungry monster get after he’s eaten too much ice cream? More ice cream!

Monster Joke 62
What’s the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle? The candle is a thousand times brighter!

Monster Joke 63
Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer? Because he had been told to ice it.

Monster Joke 64
1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days ? 2nd Monster: He’s at medical school. 1st Monster: Oh, What’s he studying ? 2nd Monster: Nothing, they re studying him!

Monster Joke 65
First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me. Second monster: Well you d better roll them back to her, she might need them.

Monster Joke 66
What do young female monsters do at parties ? They go around looking for edible bachelors !

Monster Joke 67
Why is stupid monster like a jack-o #NAME?

Monster Joke 68
Girl Monster 1: “I hear you’ve met the perfect guy.” Girl Monster 2: “Oh yes, he’s a bad dream come true!”

Monster Joke 69
How does a monster begin a fairy tale? “Once upon a slime . . .”

Monster Joke 70
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes? Prankenstein!

Monster Joke 71
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert? Bumpkin pie!

Monster Joke 72
Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner? He was exceeding the feed limit!

Monster Joke 73
What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? “Pleased to eat you!”

Monster Joke 74
What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.

Monster Joke 75
How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose.

Monster Joke 76
Where do you find monster snails? On the end of monsters fingers.

Monster Joke 77
Where do space monsters live? In far distant terror-tory.

Monster Joke 78
What’s the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board.

Monster Joke 79
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.

Monster Joke 80
What’s big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid of hiccups.

Monster Joke 81
Why did the monster dye her hair yellow? To see if blondes have more fun.

Monster Joke 82
Here’s a good book, said the sales assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster. How To Help Your Husband Get Ahead. No, thank you, said Mrs Monster. My husband’s got two heads already. . .

Monster Joke 83
A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor’s shop. I d like to see a suit that will fit me, he told the tailor. So would I, sir, said the tailor. So would I.

Monster Joke 84
If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies? Cranes.

Monster Joke 85
What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.

Monster Joke 86
An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. Quick! shouted the tailor to his assistant. Hide the “Free Alterations” sign!

Monster Joke 87
What’s big and hairy and goes beep beep ? A monster in a traffic jam.

Monster Joke 88
What is a monster’s favourite society? The Consumers Association.

Monster Joke 89
How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation.

Monster Joke 90
FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can t! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I ll prove it.

Monster Joke 91
What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl? A budgerigrrrrr!

Monster Joke 92
FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That’s nothing. My sister’s tongue is so long, she can lick an envelope after she’s posted it.

Monster Joke 93
FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes – ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

Monster Joke 94
Why is the monsters football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.

Monster Joke 95
FIRST MONSTER: I m going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes, I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends.

Monster Joke 96
What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea? Lots of very worried dogs.

Monster Joke 97
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.

Monster Joke 98
What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? I feel abominable.

Monster Joke 99
Why did the monster go into hospital? To have his ghoul-stones removed.

Monster Joke 100
Monster: Where do fleas go in winter? Werewolf: Search me!

Monster Joke 101
What is a monster’s favourite drink? Demonade.

Monster Joke 102
What do they have for lunch at Monster School? Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes-cream.

Monster Joke 103
What’s the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.

Monster Joke 104
FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner? SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone’s been eaten.

Monster Joke 105
FIRST MONSTER: I fancy eating the city of Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me? SECOND MONSTER: No thanks, I can’t stand Chinese food.

Monster Joke 106
MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade like everyone else.

Monster Joke 107
Little monster: Mom I’ve finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I ll save it for your tea.

Monster Joke 108
Little monster: Mom, why can’t we have dustbins like everyone else? Mother monster: Less talking, more eating please.

Monster Joke 109
Little monster: Mom, Mom, What’s for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave.

Monster Joke 110
Mommy monster: Don’t eat that uranium. Little monster: Why not? Mommy monster: You ll get atomic-ache.

Monster Joke 111
What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray.

Monster Joke 112
Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the menu, sir? Monster: No thanks, just bring me the passenger list.

Monster Joke 113
Why did the monster paint himself in rainbow colors? Because he wanted to hide in the crayon box.

Monster Joke 114
Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one.

Monster Joke 115
What can a monster do that you can’t do? Count up to 25 on his fingers.

Monster Joke 116
What aftershave do monsters wear? Brute.

Monster Joke 117
How did the world’s tallest monster become short overnight? Someone stole all his money.

Monster Joke 118
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.

Monster Joke 119
Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely!

Monster Joke 120
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag.mons

Monster Joke 121
A monster walked into the council rent office with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in the other. You see, he was $15 in arrears.

Monster Joke 122
Did you hear about the monster with one eye at the back of his head, and one at the front? He was terribly moody because he couldn’t see eye to eye with himself.

Monster Joke 123
Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.

Monster Joke 124
Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze? So that he didn’t have to buy a winter coat.

Monster Joke 125
What’s the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can’t mash Frankenstein.

Monster Joke 126
Why did Frankenstein’s monster give up boxing? Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.

Monster Joke 127
What kind of book did Frankenstein’s monster like to read? One with a cemetery plot.

Monster Joke 128
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster? HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’s MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.

Monster Joke 129
Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done? At the ugly parlour.

Monster Joke 130
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other? I didn’t know we lived on the same block.

Monster Joke 131
What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish’s brain in the body of his dog? I don’t know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

Monster Joke 132
What do you call a clever monster? Frank Einstein.

Monster Joke 133
What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin ? Flatman and Ribbon !

Monster Joke 134
Frankenstein: Help, I’ve got a short circuit! Igor: Don’t worry, I ll lengthen it.

Monster Joke 135
What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?- A wash and wear wolf

Monster Joke 136
Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?- Because if they were small and round and smooth they d be M&M’s

Monster Joke 137
What’s pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster? – Grandma monster

Monster Joke 138
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm? Benjamin Frankenstein

Monster Joke 139
What’s a monsters favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet

Vampire Joke 1
Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

Vampire Joke 2
Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket.

Vampire Joke 3
What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Vampire Joke 4
When the picture of the vampire’s grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? That the nail had come out of the wall.

Vampire Joke 5
What is a vampire’s favourite soup ? Scream of mushroom !

Vampire Joke 6
What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.

Vampire Joke 7
What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels.

Vampire Joke 8
What do vampire footballers have at half-time? Blood oranges.

Vampire Joke 9
Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.

Vampire Joke 10
Who plays center forward for the vampire football team? The ghoulscorer.

Vampire Joke 11
Which vampire ate the three bears porridge? Ghouldilocks.

Vampire Joke 12
Which vampire tried to eat James Bond? Ghouldfinger.

Vampire Joke 13
When do vampires bite you? On Wincedays.

Vampire Joke 14
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz.

Vampire Joke 15
What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.

Vampire Joke 16
Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.

Vampire Joke 17
Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup? It clotted.

Vampire Joke 18
Why was the young vampire a failure? Because he fainted at the sight of blood.

Vampire Joke 19
What is the vampire’s favorite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously.

Vampire Joke 20
How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.

Vampire Joke 21
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.

Vampire Joke 22
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

Vampire Joke 23
What is a vampire’s favorite sport? Batminton.

Vampire Joke 24
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.

Vampire Joke 25
Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart? He had loved in vein.

Vampire Joke 26
Did you hear about the vampire who got married? He proposed to his girl-fiend.

Vampire Joke 27
Two men were having a drink together. One said, “I d rather live with a vampire than with my wife.” “Why’s that?” asked the other. “Because she’s always trying to bite my head off,” he replied.

Vampire Joke 28
Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.

Vampire Joke 29
What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

Vampire Joke 30
Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded? Because he was a complete sucker.

Vampire Joke 31
What’s a vampire’s favorite hobby? In-grave-ing.

Vampire Joke 32
How do you join a Vampire Fan Club? Send your name, address and blood group.

Vampire Joke 33
How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap.

Vampire Joke 34
Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin? Because his life is at stake.

Vampire Joke 35
What do vampires have at eleven o clock every day? A coffin break.

Vampire Joke 36
What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin medicine.

Vampire Joke 37
What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, “Who’s a pretty boy then?”

Vampire Joke 38
Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he’s a pain in the neck.

Vampire Joke 39
How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces.

Vampire Joke 40
What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI Capone? A fangster.

Vampire Joke 41
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening? Have a nice bite!

Vampire Joke 42
How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton.

Vampire Joke 43
What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy that!

Vampire Joke 44
Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? He’s looking for a crypt writer.

Vampire Joke 45
Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? He wanted to improve his bite.

Vampire Joke 46
What is Dracula’s favorite pudding? Leeches and scream.

Vampire Joke 47
What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? The world’s slowest vampire.

Vampire Joke 48
Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn’t fancy the stake.

Vampire Joke 49
When he’s out driving, where does Dracula like to stop and eat? The Happy Biter.

Vampire Joke 50
What do you think of Dracula films? Fangtastic!

Vampire Joke 51
Where did vampires go to first in America? New-fang-land.

Vampire Joke 52
What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving Day.

Vampire Joke 53
How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs.

Vampire Joke 54
How does a vampire get through life with only one fang? He has to grin and bare it.

Vampire Joke 55
What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula.

Vampire Joke 56
Doctor, doctor, I think I’ve been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No, but I ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Vampire Joke 57
Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

Vampire Joke 58
What’s it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.

Vampire Joke 59
Where is Dracula’s American office? The Vampire State Building.

Vampire Joke 60
Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.

Vampire Joke 61
Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? It wanted to play squash.

Vampire Joke 62
What’s pink, lives in a sty and drinks blood? A hampire.

Vampire Joke 63
What type of people do vampires like? Type O positive people.

Vampire Joke 64
What kind of typewriters do vampires like? Blood type-writers.

Vampire Joke 65
What does Dracula say to his victims? It’s been nice gnawing you.

Vampire Joke 66
What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? Wait for him to give it back.

Vampire Joke 67
Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business.

Vampire Joke 68
One vampire to the other : ” Let’s go and have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner”!

Vampire Joke 69
Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire ? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, Who’s a pretty boy then ? !

Vampire Joke 70
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ? He cut all his fingers off !

Vampire Joke 71
Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ? The girl necks door.

Vampire Joke 72
Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they re always out for blood!

Vampire Joke 73
Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!

Vampire Joke 74
What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!

Vampire Joke 75
What is the best way to talk to a vampire? By long distance.

Vampire Joke 76
What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !

Vampire Joke 77
What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !

Vampire Joke 78
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight for the juggler !

Vampire Joke 79
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy ? Something you wouldn’t want to unwrap !

Vampire Joke 80
Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion.

Vampire Joke 81
What do vampires make sandwiches out of? Self-raising dead.

Vampire Joke 82
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail? I don’t know but it would slow him down.

Vampire Joke 83
Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose? He was a ghoulsnif fer.

Vampire Joke 84
What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.

Vampire Joke 85
Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.

Vampire Joke 86
Which flavor ice cream is Dracula’s favorite? Vein-illa.

Vampire Joke 87
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armor.

Vampire Joke 88
What’s Dracula’s car called? A mobile blood unit.

Vampire Joke 89
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

Vampire Joke 90
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.

Vampire Joke 91
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.

Vampire Joke 92
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

Vampire Joke 93
Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!

Witch Joke 1
What do witches ring for in a hotel? B-room service.

Witch Joke 2
Did you hear about the witch who was ashamed of her long black hair? She always wore long gloves to cover it up.

Witch Joke 3
How do warty witches keep their hair out of place? With scare spray.

Witch Joke 4
What happened to the witch with an upside down nose? Every time she sneezed her hat blew off.

Witch Joke 5
Why did the witch lose her way? Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.

Witch Joke 6
Why does a witch wear a pointed black hat? To keep her head warm.

Witch Joke 7
Old witch: Now I know you want a job with me. Do you tell lies? Young witch: No, but I can pick it up.

Witch Joke 8
What do you call a witch who kills her mother and father? An orphan.

Witch Joke 9
What do witches use pencil sharpeners for? To keep their hats pointed.

Witch Joke 10
What do you call two witches who share a room? Broom-mates.

Witch Joke 11
How do you get milk from a witch’s cat? Steal her saucer.

Witch Joke 12
What happened to the naughty little witch at school? She was ex-spelled.

Witch Joke 13
Why did the witch keep turning people into Mickey Mouse? She was having Disney spells.

Witch Joke 14
Have you heard about the goodweather witch? She’s forecasting sunny spells.

Witch Joke 15
Why was the student witch so bad at essays? Because she couldn’t spell properly.

Witch Joke 16
What’s the favorite subject of young witches at school? Spelling.

Witch Joke 17
What happens if you see twin witches? You won’t be able to tell witch witch is witch.

Witch Joke 18
How do witches lose weight? They join weight witches.

Witch Joke 19
What has handles and flies? A witch in a garbage can.

Witch Joke 20
What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital? With any luck you ll be able to get up for a spell.

Witch Joke 21
Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat? So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

Witch Joke 22
What do you call a witch who climbs up walls? Ivy.

Witch Joke 23
What do you call a witch with one leg? Eileen.

Witch Joke 24
What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch? A witch in soggy trainers.

Witch Joke 25
What goes cackle, cackle, boom? A witch in a minefield.

Witch Joke 26
Why won’t a witch wear a flat cap? Because there’s no point in it.

Witch Joke 27
What do you call a witch that stays out all night? A fresh air freak.

Witch Joke 28
How can you make a witch itch? Take away her “W.”

Witch Joke 29
What does a witch enjoy cooking most? Gnomelettes.

Witch Joke 30
What did the young witch say to her mother? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight?

Witch Joke 31
Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom? A: By witchful thinking.

Witch Joke 32
How does a witch make scrambled eggs ? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright ! Owl be seeing you later.

Witch Joke 33
1st Witch: What’s your new boyfriend like ? 2nd Witch: He’s mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil – but he has some bad points too !

Witch Joke 34
Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards with my sister ? Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards ? Witch: No I wouldn t. Wizard: No, well nor will she.

Witch Joke 35
First witch: My, hasn’t your little girl grown ? Second witch: Yes, she’s certainly gruesome.

Witch Joke 36
How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance ? Voodoo like to dance with me ?

Witch Joke 37
Did you hear about the witch who turned her friend into an egg? She kept trying to poach her ideas.

Witch Joke 38
What does an Australian witch ride on? A broomerang!

Witch Joke 39
What would you get if you crossed a witch with a famous movie director? Steven Spellberg!

Witch Joke 40
Witch l: “How do you manage to stay in shape?” Witch 2: “I get a lot of hexercise.”

Witch Joke 41
Is it good to drink witch’s brew? Yes, it’s very newt tricious!

Witch Joke 42
What is a witch’s favourite TV show? Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!

Witch Joke 43
Where did the witch get her furniture ? From the ideal gnome exhibition !

Witch Joke 44
How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ? By her suntan !

Witch Joke 45
What’s the witches favourite pop group ? Broomski Beat !

Witch Joke 46
What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends ? A witch with a blindfold !

Witch Joke 47
What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites ? Don’t bite any witches !

Witch Joke 48
What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ? She calls the flying squad !

Witch Joke 49
What is the witches motto ? We came, we saw, we conjured !

Witch Joke 50
How do you know when you are in bed with a witch ? She has a big “W” embroidered on her pyjamas !

Witch Joke 51
Why do witches have stiff joints ? They get broomatism !

Witch Joke 52
Who went into a witche’s den and came out alive ? The witch !

Witch Joke 53
What did the young witch say to her mother ? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !

Witch Joke 54
What did the witch say to the ugly toad? I d put a curse on you – but somebody beat me to it!

Witch Joke 55
Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand.

Witch Joke 56
Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet vulture on sawdust? The vulture laid ten eggs and when they hatched, nine chicks had wooden legs and the tenth was a woodpecker.

Witch Joke 57
Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents and witches? It’s called The Hex-Files.

Witch Joke 58
Q: What kind of witch goes to the beach? A: Sandwitch

Halloween Joke 1
What do witches eat at Halloween? Spook-etti, Halloweenies, Devil’s food cake and Boo-berry pie.

Halloween Joke 2
Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party? He was going as a banana.

Halloween Joke 3
Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there’s lots of school spirit!

Halloween Joke 4
What happened to the girl who wore a mouse costume to her Halloween party? The cat ate her.

Halloween Joke 5
What did the really ugly man do for a living? He posed for Halloween masks.

Halloween Joke 6
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party? No one moved. They couldn’t stir without her.

Halloween Joke 7
Why was the boy unhappy to win the prize for the best costume at the Halloween party? Because he just came to pick up his little sister.

Halloween Joke 8
Where do ghoulies go to on the day before Halloween party? To the boo-ty parlour.

Halloween Joke 9
Doctor, doctor, I m so ugly. What can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

Halloween Joke 10
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween? Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

Halloween Joke 11
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet over his head. “Are you here as a ghost?” asked his friends. “No,” he replied, “I m an unmade bed.” Another boy wore a sheet over his head. “Are you an unmade bed?” asked his friends. “No, I m an undercover agent,” he replied.

Halloween Joke 12
A Toledo man was admitted to the city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a Halloween party.

Halloween Joke 13
One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?” The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!” The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.” Once again the little Angel looks up and says, “Twick or Tweat!” The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl’s Treat Bag. The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, “Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!”

Halloween Joke 14
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets.

Halloween Joke 15
Q: What do little trees say on Halloween? A: Twig or treat.

Halloween Joke 16
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet over his head. Are you here as a ghost ? asked his friends No, I m an undercover agent”.

Halloween Joke 17
Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ? It was for tick or tweet !

Halloween Joke 18
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ? No one moved. They couldn’t stir without her.

Halloween Joke 19
What do fishermen say on Halloween? “Trick-or-trout!”

Halloween Joke 20
What do birds say on Halloween? “Trick-or-tweet!”

Halloween Joke 21
Girl 1: “Can I invite a few friends to your Halloween party?” Girl 2: “Sure. The more, the scarier!”

Halloween Joke 22
What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence Day? The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!

Halloween Joke 23
Why were the trick-or-treaters wearing grass skirts? Because it was Hulaween!

Halloween Joke 24
Where’s the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating? On the psycho path!

Halloween Joke 25
What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas? A ghoul Yule!

Halloween Joke 26
How do zombies celebrate Halloween? They paint the town dead!

Halloween Joke 27
What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party? Hallowieners!

Halloween Joke 28
What is a childs’s favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy.

Halloween Joke 29
What do witches eat at Halloween ? Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie !

Halloween Joke 30
What do stupid kids do at Halloween ? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins !

Halloween Joke 31
How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween Wear a snorkel !

Halloween Joke 32
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween? Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

Halloween Joke 33
Why aren’t burgers the least bit scared of Halloween? They re used to people goblin them!

Halloween Joke 34
What kind of protozoa likes Halloween? An amoeboo!

Halloween Joke 35
What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pump-kin!

Halloween Joke 36
At 5 P.M. one Halloween afternoon, my dental hygienist realized that she wouldn’t make it to the store in time to get snacks for trick-or-treaters. So she took home some free samples from the office supply cabinet. That night she handed out dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss. The next year, although she had bags of chips and popcorn, not one child came knocking at her door.

Halloween Joke 37
Who turns the lights off at halloween ? The light’s witch !

Halloween Joke 38
Q: What’s Osama Bin Laden going to be for Halloween? A: Dead.

Halloween Joke 39
What do you call a bug that bothers dogs on Halloween? A trick-or-fleat!

Halloween Joke 40
What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween? Mash-scara!