A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game.The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, “Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going.”
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Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild’s birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.”I’m a grandmother!” I declared. “It’s a baby girl, and
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A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again.This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologistconcluded that
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A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.He took her out, showed her how to start it, and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion
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Coach Jones called the young lad in from center field during a Little League game for a conference.”See here Larry,” said the coach, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship that the Little League practices. You also know we don’t tolerate temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or
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Chin-Chin the panda was on trial for entering a New York City restaurant, eating dinner, pulling out a machine gun, and shooting out the windows and doors. The judge looked at Chin-Chin’s lawyer and proclaimed, “Thirty eyewitnesses saw your client pay for dinner, shoot up the place, and leave.
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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, “How do you expect to get into Heaven?”The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jimmy, come in or
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A preacher is buying a parrot.”Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher.”Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him.”Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the
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A Scots pessimist is a man who feels badly when he feels good for fear he’ll feel worse when he feels better.
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As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day.Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he
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A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.”Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that
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