Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding.One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”"What do you call it?”"We call it a football wedding.”The
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Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 * 2 ?”The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99″.The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?He sold his soul to Santa.
Permalink Did you hear about the dyslexic devil…
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I do not think — therefore I am not.Here is the illustration of this principle:One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, “Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?”.Descartes replied, “I think not.”, and
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A salesman for a mobile home dealership had a customer call him about this problem:The customer called and said she was having problems with her air conditioner.She said, “Mr. X, we are about to freeze to death! I keep turning it down but itwon’t go off!”
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A big Texan is walking down the main street of Ballinclashett and encounters Liam standing on the pavement beside a big strong horse.This prompts the Texan to attempt to realise a lifelong dream and he says to Liam, “Say Boy, that’s a fine-lookin horse you got there, and I’d like to tour this
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Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to a local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, “I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!”In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, “How did it go?” The first one answers. “It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it.”The second hobbit shook his head. “Manhood problems, eh?”"No. I couldnt get on the bed!”
Pamela Anderson and the Queen of England die on the same day. As they are approaching the gates of heaven, God tells them that there is only ONE spot left.Knowing this, Pamela decides to seduce God by showing her bare breasts. God looks at them and says, “Very nice.”"Does that mean I''m in?” says Pamela. God looks over to his side and sees the Queen of England douching in the corner.He looks back at Pamela and says, “Sorry, a royal flush always beats a pair.”
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An elephant was walking through the jungle one day when it suddenly stepped on a thorn, wedging it between its toes. Being in too much pain to continue, the elephant lay down and began to cry. Shortly after, an ant came across the elephant and asked why she was crying. “I have a thorn in my foot and it's too painful to walk,” cried the elephant. The ant thought a minute and offered a deal: “I'll pull the thorn from your foot, if you let me have my way with you.” “Okay, I'll do anything,” whined the elephant. “Just get the damn thorn out!” The ant pulled the thorn out, then mounted the elephant and began to hump away. Two monkeys in a nearby tree witnessed the whole thing and were laughing their asses off. They started throwing coconuts at the elephant, and finally one hit her square in the head. The elephant yelled, “YEOUCH!” The ant said, “Yeah, that's riiight, take it all bitch!”
Dad’s pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him–lights flashing.Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call.Within seconds, came the police officer’s hand
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Energetic self-starter: You’ll be working on commission.Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.Fast learner: You will get no training from us.Flexible work hours: You will frequently work
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A woman and her young daughter were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother one Sunday. As they passed through the cemetery on the way back to their car, the little girl said, “Mommy? Do they ever bury in the same grave?”"Oh no, of course not, dear!” the mother replied. “Why on
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