Published on October 18th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how weird.'' A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders. As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?'' The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.''
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Little Voice
178 words, reading time ~ 43 secs
Published on October 17th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket.”How did you know I was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked.The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky.”You mean,” asked the motorist, ”
Read in full at Speeding
Popularity: 1%
54 words, reading time ~ 13 secs
Published on October 17th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, “You should put him into a mental institution.”''Why?' asked the head nurse. “Well,” replied the chief surgeon, “take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts.”
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Bouncing Baby Boy Balls
114 words, reading time ~ 27 secs
Published on October 17th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my driver’s license.”Will there be any change of address?” the clerk inquired.”No,” I replied.”Oh, good,” she said, clearly delighted. “You got the house.”
Read in full at Maiden Name
Popularity: 1%
54 words, reading time ~ 13 secs
Published on October 17th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
- Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.- Someone call the janitor - we’re going to need a mop.- Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!- Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?- Hand me that…uh…that…uh.
Read in full at Things You Don\’t Want to Hear During Surgery
Popularity: 1%
65 words, reading time ~ 16 secs
Published on October 16th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.”I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.”The woman went to the doctor’s office and, trying to
Read in full at Expensive Doctor
Popularity: 1%
60 words, reading time ~ 14 secs
Published on October 16th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes, Yo mamas
Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.
Read in full at Yo Mama… Christmas Corner
Popularity: 1%
31 words, reading time ~ 7 secs
Published on October 16th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
Actual epitaphs from real tombstones:In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Read in full at Epitaphs
Popularity: 1%
35 words, reading time ~ 8 secs
Published on October 15th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful.To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.As both attorneys
Read in full at Too Helpful
Popularity: 1%
55 words, reading time ~ 13 secs
Published on October 15th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
Q: What do cows do for entertainment?
A: Go to moo-vies.Q: Which job is a cow most suited for?
A: Baker. Because they’re making cow pies regularly.Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moo-dy Blues
Read in full at Bovine Humor
Popularity: 1%
54 words, reading time ~ 13 secs
Published on October 15th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even
Read in full at A Cowboy Rides Into Town
Popularity: 1%
64 words, reading time ~ 15 secs
Published on October 15th, 2006 by Joker in Just Jokes
A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman. The policeman said, “Take that sheep to the zoo, now.”Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.The policeman stops the guy and says, “What on earth are you doing with that sheep?”The guy says, “What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I''m taking him to the movies.”
Read in full at A Zoo Story
Popularity: 1%
77 words, reading time ~ 18 secs
