Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. A guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”"Sand,” answered Juan.The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.”The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them
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When my brother was about 20 years old and going to college in Portland, Oregon, he used to call our parents in Long Beach, California every time he needed money. He also use to take a bus every chance he would get to come home for the week ends, with the support of our parents.One night he
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A woman went to a Florida lemon grove to apply for a job, but the foreman thought she seemed way too qualified for the position. “Do you even have any actual experience picking lemons?” he asked.”Well, I think I do.” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.”
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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. “I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here
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Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?A: Because it’s in the ground state.
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A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960’s.One year,
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A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. “I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working.”"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!”
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A boy told his mom, “I couldn't sleep last night so I went into your room. Why were you jumping up and down on daddy?”His mom said, “Well dear, I was pushing the air out of him.” The boy replied, “Oh then you're wasting your time. The lady next door blows him back up every day.”
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- Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.- The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.- New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.- Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.- Paul’s
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Two lawyers are in a bank, when armed robbers suddenly burst in. While severalof the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams
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A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game.The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, “Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going.”
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