Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”
The judge reached into his pocket
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A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a blankety-blank checking account”
To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?”"Listen up darn it, I said I want to open a blankety-blank checking account right now.”"Sir, I’m sorry but we do
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Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?”
The nine year old replies “Nope, not for my mom.”
Without thinking,
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The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I dont recognize this court!”"Why?” asked the Judge.
“Because you’ve had it decorated since the last time I was here.”
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Teacher: “Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?”
Sam: “I don’t know.”
Teacher: “Bark, Sam, bark.”
Sam: “Bow, wow, wow!”
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One of life’s disappointments is discovering that the man who writes the bank’s ads is not the one who makes the loans.
Read in full at Disappointment
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A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
“What’s the matter?” he was asked.
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.”"She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?
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Two hillbillies are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, “Hey, Tommy Ray, what’cha got in th’ bag?”"Jus’ some chickens.”"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?”"I’ll give you both of them.”"OK. Ummmmm, five
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The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious.
“What trick is that my dear?” she asked.
The little boy replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb
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Your dog’s barking at the back door. Your spouse’s barking at the front. Who do you let in?
Well, it’s your call, but the dog’ll stop barking when you let him in.
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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed.
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A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face.
“Owch!” the Chinese man says. “What was that for?”"That was for Pearl Harbor,” the Jewish man says.
“But I’m Chinese!”"Chinese, Japanese, what’s the difference?” And the
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