Thousands of really hilarious jokes
A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach.
“What did you eat for dinner last night?” asked the doctor.
“Oysters,” she said.
“Fresh oysters?” asked the doctor.
“How should I know?” said the lady
“Well,” asked the doctor, “couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?”"
Read in full at Oysters
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they had passionate relations all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.
As the man prepared to leave, he told the woman to take his
Read in full at Playing Golf
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am.
Read in full at Low Stock
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”
Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and
Read in full at Jet Fuel
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. “You look great tonight!” it said. “You really look fantastic… And that after shave is just wonderful!”
The man is
Read in full at Peanuts and Cigarettes
One day, while having a heated argument with each other, the angry wife said to her husband, “I should have taken my mother’s advice and never should have married you! How she tried to stop me!”
The husband replied, “Well, I’ll be! How I have misjudged that woman!”
Read in full at Smart In-Law
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”
The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the
Read in full at Two Storks
Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said. “And, I have decided to give your wife $775 a week.”"That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then, I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”
Read in full at Alimony
One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around.
As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on
Read in full at Didn\’t Do It
Grandpa Melvin Cranston was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
“I will tell you the secret of my success,” he happily cackled. “My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge.
Read in full at Keeping Fit
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages.
Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.
Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I’ve got hundreds of them.
Read in full at Sausages
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in New York City.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes that there are germs in our drinking water.”"But there
Read in full at Deadly Food
