A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a $100 bill. The only thing written in the book was “$100 = 100% - I get an A.”
A month later, the student approached the professor. “I don’t understand,”
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- French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.
- Madison, Wisconsin, will not allow joint custody of a family pet when a couple divorces - the animal is legally awarded to whoever happens to have possession of it at the time of the
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Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace.
To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide.
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The U.S. has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal
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If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food
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There was a Packers fan with a really lousy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is this seat taken
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- The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.
- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
- He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
- He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
- During the trial you catch him playing his
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A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.”"What’s the problem?” the docotor inquired.
“Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.”"My
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Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: “We make the best violins in Italy.”
The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put
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A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a
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Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, “I’m returning on the next flight. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.”
At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling
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The truth is that if you take a little time to learn a few basic principles and some of the technical lingo, buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. So let’s
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