A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate. Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg? Pirate: […]
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred […]
A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it’s no good trying to […]
Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike […]
How does the man on the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it!
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the […]
How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
Children Joke 1 A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moo!” […]
How many old time gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? We ain’t sayin’ nuthin’, see?
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard […]
Q: What’s blue and fluffy? A: Blue fluff. Or Q: What’s blue and fluffy? A: A poodle that’s dyed.
Jimmy’s mom dragged him in front of his dad during the football game. “Talk to your son,” she said. “He refuses to obey a word […]
A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, please stand […]
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says: “Well, my father runs the fastest. He can […]
There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the […]
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. “Why?” asks the father. “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ and […]
Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap […]
A grandma and her grandson were waliking in the park. The grandson spotted a coin and wanted to pick it up, but his grandma told […]
The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, “What did you learn today?” The kid replies, “Not enough. I have to […]
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think […]
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon […]
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my […]
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her […]
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the […]
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in […]