Lawyer Jokes

Funny Law 1
Anthony’s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Funny Law 2
Bell’s Theorem: As soon as the body is immersed fully in the bathtub, the telephone will ring.

Funny Law 3
Breda’s Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Funny Law 4
Cannon’s Karmic Law: If you use the excuse that you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will actually have a flat tire.

Funny Law 5
Conway’s Law: In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

Lawyer Joke 1
A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on?” she asked. “The side that pays your fee,” replied the doctor.

Judge Joke 1
The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied.

Judge Joke 2
The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I dont recognize this court!” “Why?” asked the Judge. “Because you’ve had it decorated since the last time I was here.”

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined!”

“It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer.

“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”

“No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court.”

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, “Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!”

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.

The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.”

The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers… we had $100 when we broke in!”

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon … “Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.”

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I dont recognize this court!”

“Why?” asked the Judge.

“Because you’ve had it decorated since the last time I was here.”

- The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.

- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

- He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”

- He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”

- During the trial you catch him playing his

Read in full at It\’s Time to Get a New Lawyer When

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?”"Sure do,” replied the bartender.

“Good,” said the customer, “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.”

Read in full at Serving Lawyers

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first

Read in full at Honest Lawyer

What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else seems to think that they’re jokes.

Read in full at Lawyer Jokes

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he’d done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

“Congratulations,” the lawyer said to

Read in full at Smart Thinking