Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee.

One of the guys says, “I’m so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he’s made enough that he just gave away a huge portfolio.”

The next guy said, “I’m so proud of my son. He’s a car dealer and he’s doing so well, he just gave away a Ferrari.”

The third guy says, “I’m so proud of my son. He’s got enough money that he just gave away a million-dollar home.”

Just as the third guy finishes talking, the fourth guy joins them and asks, “What are you guys talking about?’

“Just about how good our sons are doing,” the three men replied. “Well, my son is doing very well,” says the fourth man, “He’s a male stripper and just last week he got a huge portfolio, a Ferrari and a million-dollar home.”

Rating 4.7/5
Comment: A naughty joke, not for strong of belief and weak of heart Christians.

Money Joke 1
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said “Why did you put up such a fight?” To which the man promptly replied “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!”

Money Joke 2
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

Money Joke 3
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, we wouldn’t be here at all!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn’t on a honeymoon, nor would there be any “we” in the first place.”

Money Joke 4
What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.

Money Joke 5
Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks – but half the pages are missing. What’s the matter? Isn’t half a million enough for you?

Money Joke 6
Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it.

Money Joke 7
Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box.

Money Joke 8
Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She d read there was going to be some change in the weather.

Money Joke 9
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. “You should give that money to charity,” said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, “No, I ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity.”

Money Joke 10
What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was money in the kitty.

Money Joke 11
How can a can you double your money? By folding it in half.

Money Joke 12
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. “I m not paying,” said the duck. “I’ve only got one bill and I m not breaking it.” “I’ve spent my last buck,” said the deer. “Then the duck ll have to pay,” said the skunk. “Getting here cost me my last scent.”

Money Joke 13
Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won’t wear my shoes out so fast.

Money Joke 14
I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen – why don’t you pay with a smile? I d like to but they insist on money

Money Joke 15
What happened when Dumbo went to a mindrreader? They gave him his money back.

Money Joke 16
The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

Money Joke 17
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That’s what I m afraid of!

Money Joke 18
Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them? I did! Well, here’s the elastic band.

Money Joke 19
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. “Oh yes, I’ve done that,” said the old gentleman. “I’ve only got to make a will. And do you know what I m going to do with all my money? I m going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life.”

Money Joke 20
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.

Money Joke 21
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, “I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.”

Money Joke 22
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, “Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?” “Whada ya win?” “A million dollars!” said the redneck. “You get a dollar a year for a million years.” “How much are they each?” “Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!”

Money Joke 23
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I don t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

Money Joke 24
Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table! The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again. The third boy goes in ,sees the five dollars and cries out, I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!

Money Joke 25
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they d do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. Alec ! yelled the teacher, you’ve done nothing. Why? Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do !

Money Joke 26
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why. I’ve lost five cents, sobbed Johnny. Don’t worry, said his dad kindly. Here’s five more for you, At this Johnny howled louder than ever. Now what is it ?

Money Joke 27
William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that’s crying, Ice cream! Ice Cream !

Money Joke 28
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. You should give that money to charity, said the shopkeeper. No, I ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!

Money Joke 29
Ted said to his friend, can you lend me $10? But I only have $8, his friend replied. That’s OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

Money Joke 30
If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have ? Someone else’s coat.

Money Joke 31
A little monster was learning to play the violin, I m good, aren’t I? he asked his big brother. You should be on the radio, said his brother. You think I m that good? No, I think you

Money Joke 32
Why did your sister feed money to her cow ? Because she wanted to get rich milk.

Money Joke 33
My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn’t know how rich he was.

Money Joke 34
Five dollars for one question! said the girl to the fortune-teller. That’s very expensive,isn’t it ? Next!

Money Joke 35
Visitor: You re very quiet, Jennifer. Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.

Money Joke 36
I can’t find my dollar bill, Jane sobbed. Don’t worry, her Counselor said. A dollar doesn’t go very far today.

Money Joke 37
One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. What are you doing? she asked. I m looking for my dollar bill, Max replied. I lost it down the road. Why don’t you look for it there?

Money Joke 38
Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, Is Washington’s picture still on the dollar bill? His Father wrote back, Of course it is. Why do you ask? Martin answered, Because it’s been so long since I’ve seen one!

Money Joke 39
Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you? Mary: I d pay whatever it charged.

Money Joke 40
Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich ? Because the poor didn’t have any !

Money Joke 41
How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company? He was shocked.

Money Joke 42
If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first? The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).

Money Joke 43
If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden.

Money Joke 44
What did the man do when he got a big gas bill? He exploded.

Money Joke 45
Where can you always find money? In the dictionary.

Money Joke 46
How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror.

Money Joke 47
What kind of money do monsters use? Weirdo (weird dough).

Money Joke 48
Why are diapers like $10 bills? Because you have to change them.

Money Joke 49
Why is the moon like a dollar? It has four quarters.

Money Joke 50
Why isn’t a dime worth as much today as it used to be? Because the dimes (times) have changed.

Money Joke 51
Why did the man throw away all the new pennies he had? Because they were a nuisance (new cents).

Money Joke 52
How can you get rich by eating? Eat fortune cookies.

Money Joke 53
When does a female deer need money? When she doesn’t have a buck.

Money Joke 54
Why is a cat like a penny? Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

Money Joke 55
How can you make money fast? Glue it to the floor.

Money Joke 56
Where do Eskimos keep their money? In snowbanks.

Money Joke 57
Where do hogs keep their money? In piggy banks.

Money Joke 58
Where do trees keep their money? In branch banks.

Money Joke 59
Why did the hippie put his money in the refrigerator? He liked cold cash.

Money Joke 60
Why do wallets make so much noise? Because money talks.

Money Joke 61
How can you be sure you have counterfeit money? If it’s a three-dollar bill, you can be sure.

Money Joke 62
If you take half from a half dollar, what do you have? A dollar.

Money Joke 63
What lands as often on its tail as it does its head? A penny.

Money Joke 64
Which is better, an old ten dollar bill or a new one? An old ten dollar bill is better than a new one.

Money Joke 65
How did rich people get their money? They were calm and collected.

Money Joke 66
If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.

Money Joke 67
Who makes a million dollars a day? Someone who works in a mint.

Money Joke 68
Why was the skunk arrested for counterfeiting? Because he gave out bad scents (cents).

Money Joke 69
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn’t he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to.

Money Joke 70
What dog has money? A bloodhound, because he is always picking up scents (cents).

Money Joke 71
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.

Money Joke 72
Why shouldn’t you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

Money Joke 73
What is the quickest way to double your money ? Fold it in half !

Money Joke 74
How do thunderstorms invest their money? -In a combination of liquid assets and frozen assets

Money Joke 75
What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it? Money’s tight these days!

Money Joke 76
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong. “Ohhh, it’s my girlfriend.” “What’s the problem?” “When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”

Money Joke 77
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here.”

Money Joke 78
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !

Money Joke 79
Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat ? To see if there was any more money in the kitty !

Money Joke 80
Q: What do you call counterfeited German currency? A: Question marks.

Money Joke 81
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery? He’s so happy that he’s giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

Money Joke 82
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.”

Money Joke 83
Q:Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A:( He wanted cold hard cash! )

Salesmen Joke 1
A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. “I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.” The salesman thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000,” the genie said. “I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But your rival has just received two Ferraris,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?” “Well,” said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.”

Salesmen Joke 2
How do salespeople traditionally greet each other? “Hi. Nice to meet you. I m better than you.”

Salesmen Joke 3
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the unbreakable comb for everyone to see and said, “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.”

Salesmen Joke 4
Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, “I m returning on the next flight. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.” At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling “The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!”

Salesmen Joke 5
A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, “I can’t do anything about this – it’s a hardware problem.” The hardware manager says, “Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself.” The marketing manager says, “Hey, 75% of it is working – let’s ship it!”

Salesmen Joke 6
A salesman who was out on his territory had a heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called the salesman’s company and related the tragedy to the sales manager. The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and told the motel manager, “Return his samples by freight and search his pants for orders.”

Salesmen Joke 7
How can you tell when a salesperson is lying? His lips are moving.

Salesmen Joke 8
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman’s home in a rural area. “This machine is the best ever” he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor. The woman says she’s really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says, “If this machine doesn’t remove all the dust completely, I ll lick it off myself.” “Do you want ketchup on it?” she says, “we re not connected for electricity yet!”

Salesmen Joke 9
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out. Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said Yes. Then I asked her why ? She replied, Because I love you .”

Salesmen Joke 10
A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions. The reply came back shortly: “Begin vacation as of yesterday.”

Salesmen Joke 11
Insurance agent to would-be client: “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.

Salesmen Joke 12
The couple was standing staring at one of the more expensive models in the auto showroom. A salesman sensing their debate over the price moved in and said, “This model is priced just over the car which is priced a few dollars above the car which costs no more than some models of the lowest priced cars.”

Salesmen Joke 13
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. “Look at it this way sir.” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die ?” “Well…” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don’t reckon that d be any concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I m alive.”

Salesmen Joke 14
A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, “Wait, Fellow! Please don’t do that !!!” The salesman said, “Why not ?” and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and Clinton politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.

Salesmen Joke 15
A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, “My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother ?”

Salesmen Joke 16
Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things — burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery. He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, “I hope you ll be very happy there.”

Salesmen Joke 17
Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that? Patient: I m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.

Salesmen Joke 18
No, no, no! said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. “I cannot see you today!” “That’s fine,” said the salesman, “I m selling spectacles.”

Salesmen Joke 19
Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here’s got room in their houses for a mammoth.

Salesmen Joke 20
One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. “What is that?” Mikey asked. “It’s a thermos,” the salesman replied. “What does it do?” asked Mikey. “This baby,” the salesman said, “keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. “What is it?” they asked. “It’s a thermos,” Mikey replied. “What does it do?” they asked. “Well,” Mikey says in a bragging manner, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” “What do ya got in it?” To which Mikey says, “Three cups of coffee and a popsicle.”

Salesmen Joke 21
The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied “It’s easy” and he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, I lay the brushes out like this, and then I put out some potato chips and dip to draw in the customers. He laid out his chips and dip. His boss said, “That’s a very innovative approach” and took one of the chips, dipped it, and stuck it in his mouth. “Yuck, this tastes terrible!” his boss yelled. The salesman replied “IT IS! Want to buy a toothbrush?”

Salesmen Joke 22
An inexperienced real estate salesman asked his boss if he could refund the deposit to an angry customer who had discovered that the lot he had bought was under water. “What kind of salesman are you?” the boss scolded. “Get out there and sell him a boat.”

Salesmen Joke 23
Policeman: Why didn’t you check your speedometer? Driver: It broke when I hit 100.

Salesmen Joke 24
Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage. Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident.

Salesmen Joke 25
Salesman: This jug is genuine Indian pottery. Customer: But it says “Made in Cleveland.” Salesman: Haven’t you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?

Salesmen Joke 26
Salesman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator? Customer: No, thanks. I know how many pockets I have.

Salesmen Joke 27
Customer: You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says “all cotton.” Salesman: Oh, that’s just to keep the moths away.

Salesmen Joke 28
Ned: What does your Dad sell ? Ed: Salt. Ned: Well, my dad is a salt seller, too. Ed: Shake.

Salesmen Joke 29
What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day? Rugs and kisses!

Salesmen Joke 30
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies “I m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale. The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat. The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it ll save me from having to get a dish.” And the owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”

Salesmen Joke 31
What happened when the man asked the salesman for a good belt? “O.K., you asked for it,” the salesman said as he gave him a good belt.

Salesmen Joke 32
What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman? Lots.

Salesmen Joke 33
What salesman has the slickest line? A hair grease salesman.

Salesmen Joke 34
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. “That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?” “Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”

Salesmen Joke 35
Is your mother home? the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house. “Yeah, she’s home,” the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, “I thought you said your mother was home.” The kid replied, “She is; but this isn’t where I live.

A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, “I want to open a blankety-blank checking account”

To which the lady replied, “I beg your pardon, what did you say?”

“Listen up darn it, I said I want to open a blankety-blank checking account right now.”

“Sir, I’m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!”

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, “What seems to be the problem here?”

“There’s no darn problem,” the man said, “I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a blankety-blank checking account in this damn bank!”

“I see sir,” the manager said, “and this wench is giving you a hard time?”

One of life’s disappointments is discovering that the man who writes the bank’s loan ads is not the one who makes the bank loans.

An American consultant was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”

The American then asked, “Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?

The Mexican said, “Well, I catch enough to feed my family.”

The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard graduate and could help you with a new Business Plan. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15-20 years to realise the business plan.”

“But what then, senor?”

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions, senor? Then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

Juan sees a man leaning against the wall of a large building. The man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.

Juan says, “Sir, I couldn’t help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?”

“Four.”

“How long have you been smoking?”

“Thirty years.”

“That’s over six thousand packs. If you didn’t smoke, you could have saved enough money to buy this building.”

The smoker takes a deep puff and says, “Do you smoke?”

“Never.”

“Do you own this building?”

“No.”

“Well, I do.”

A young blonde college co-ed came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!”

“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad knowing how dumb his blonde daughter is.

“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the state,” he said. “there must be some mistake.”

“I don’t think so,” the blonde sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,

Work = Power * Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:

Work = Knowledge * Money

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = Work / Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More Money you Make.

Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance

Three guys are in a strip club. One guy walks over to a stripper, licks a 50 dollar bill and sticks it to one side of her butt.

The next guy doesn’t want to be shown up so he takes a 100 dollar bill, licks it, and sticks it to the other side of her butt.

The third guy doesn’t want to be shown up but he doesn’t have any money. He thinks for a moment and suddenly he gets an idea. He walks over to the stripper, takes out his ATM card, slides it down the crack of her ass, takes his 150 dollars and goes home!