Religious Jokes

Christian Joke 1
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

Christian Joke 2
A forbidden fruit will create many jams.

Christian Joke 3
Come in and have your faith lifted.

Christian Joke 4
Give God what’s right — not what’s left.

Christian Joke 5
God answers Knee-Mail.

Christian Joke 6
God didn’t promise a calm passage. He promised a safe landing.

Christian Joke 7
God doesn’t grade on the curve, He grades on the cross.

Christian Joke 8
God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. A Honda. The apostles were all in one Accord. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.

Jesus Joke 01
Jesus was a Californian: He walked around bare foot. He never cut His hair. He started a new religion.

Jesus Joke 02
Jesus was a woman: He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of guys who just didn’t get it. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food. Even after He died, He had to get up because there was work to do.

Jesus Joke 03
Jesus was Black: He liked Gospel. He called everyone brother. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

Jesus Joke 04
Jesus was Irish: He was always telling stories. He loved green pastures. He never got married.

God is like A Ford: He’s got a better idea.

God is like Alberto Vo-5: He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like Alka-Seltzer: Try him, you’ll like Him

God is like Allstate: You’re in good hands.

God is like Bayer Asprin: He works miracles.

God is like Coke: He’s the real thing.

God is like Delta: He’s ready when you are.

God is like Dial Soap: Aren’t you glad you’ve got Him? Don’t you wish everybody did?

God is like General Electric: He brings good things to life.

God is like Hallmark Cards: He cared enough to send the very best.

Four Irish priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip, one priest says “Well, we’ve all worked together for many years, but don’t really know one another. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins.”

They look nervously at each other but nod OK. The first Irish priest says “Since I suggested it, I’ll go first. With me it’s the drink. Once a year I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself blind for a few days. Get it out of my system.”

Religious Joke 1
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. “Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash. “Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says bridge out instead?”

After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help.

He said, “Adam, I’ve decided to make you a woman. She’ll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you.”

Adam said “Great! How much will she cost me?”

The answer came back, “An arm and a leg.”

“Well,” said Adam “what can I get for a rib?”

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.

“It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother.

Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

Church Joke 01
Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

Church Joke 02
Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.

Church Joke 03
I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!

Church Joke 04
I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

Church Joke 05
I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

Church Joke 06
I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

Church Joke 07
Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, “I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?”

Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!”

A woman walks into the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

“What denomination?” asks the clerk.

“Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic and one Methodist.”

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.

The first man in line started telling his story, “Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action.

I got home and searched all over but I couldn''t find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips.

A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.

He said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age.”

So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.

When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren

…and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Permalink Stayin\’ Alive