Sex Jokes

45 Funny Sex Quotes

Funny Sex Quote 01
A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. - Redd Foxx (from Comedy Album - Huffin and Puffin)

Funny Sex Quote 02
As a lover, I’m about as impressive as a magician on the radio. - Scott Roeben

Funny Sex Quote 03
Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles. - George Mikes (How To Be An Alien, 1946)

Funny Sex Quote 04
Conversation like television set on honeymoon…unnecessary. - Peter Sellers (as Mr Wang in Murder by Death, 1976)

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Sex jokes, not suitable for young children.

Sex Joke 1
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied: “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: “What are you thinking now?”

He replied: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”

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The man asks the girl if she’s afraid and she shakes her head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and she shivers; her body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within her eyes and tells her to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes her and she opens wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. She begins to plead and begs him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause her as little pain as possible.

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When John and Mary first got married John said, “I am a sex addict and I’m putting a box under the bed to help control my addiction. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage Mary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents.

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7 days makes one WEEK;

7 days of sex makes one WEAK;

but no sex in a week makes one SICK;

however, a good sex once a week makes one SEEK.

Popularity: 2%

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SPEAKER: Who among you had experienced having sex with a ghost? (A farmer raised his hand).

SPEAKER: Really? How does it feel to have sex with a ghost?

FARMER: Ooops, i thought you said goats!!!

Popularity: 2%

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