Sex Jokes

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny.

He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore. So he decides to try and have sex with the donkey. He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away.

Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again.

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See those, baby?? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She is aching for action at this point.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”? She begins to drool.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

Funny Sex Joke 1
Did you hear about the gay rabbit?
He found a hare up his ass.

Funny Sex Joke 2
Did you hear about the gay truckers?
They exchanged loads.

Funny Sex Joke 3
Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.

Funny Sex Joke 4
Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
They went outside to exchange blows

Funny Sex Joke 5
Did you hear about the two gay judges?
They tried each other.

Funny Sex Joke 6
Did you hear about the two homosexual judges?
They kept trying each other.

45 Funny Sex Quotes

Funny Sex Quote 01
A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. – Redd Foxx (from Comedy Album – Huffin and Puffin)

Funny Sex Quote 02
As a lover, I’m about as impressive as a magician on the radio. – Scott Roeben

Funny Sex Quote 03
Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles. – George Mikes (How To Be An Alien, 1946)

Funny Sex Quote 04
Conversation like television set on honeymoon…unnecessary. – Peter Sellers (as Mr Wang in Murder by Death, 1976)

Funny Sex Quote 05
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. – Steve Martin

Sex jokes, not suitable for young children.

Sex Joke 1
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied: “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: “What are you thinking now?”

He replied: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”

Please comment on this sex joke below or if you know a better sex joke please post it.

Two men are on opposite sides of the Earth. One is walking a tightrope. The other is getting a blowjob by a 90-year-old woman.

Both get the exact same thought at the exact same time.

“Don’t look down.”

It was a May-December marriage, and as the old man climbed in to bed for the first time with his new bride, he asked, “Did your mother tell you what to do on your wedding night?”

“Yes,” she cooed, kissing him lightly, “She told me everything.”

“Good,” said the elderly gentleman as he turned out the light, “because I’ve forgotten.”

Wedding Invitations

The man asks the girl if she’s afraid and she shakes her head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and she shivers; her body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within her eyes and tells her to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes her and she opens wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. She begins to plead and begs him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause her as little pain as possible.

When John and Mary first got married John said, “I am a sex addict and I’m putting a box under the bed to help control my addiction. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 30 years of marriage Mary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a box with such contents.

7 days makes one WEEK;

7 days of sex makes one WEAK;

but no sex in a week makes one SICK;

however, a good sex once a week makes one SEEK.

Two old biddies were talking about their lives with their husbands since moving to a nursing home. They both agreed that life was good, but Ethel was rather upset because her sex life had really died.

Mildred said that her sex life was great. “The secret to great sex is this,” Mildred counseled Ethel. “When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed and put both legs behind my head. When he comes out and sees me like that, he gets so excited we have wild sex the rest of the night!”

Ethel says, “I'm going to try that tonight!”

SPEAKER: Who among you had experienced having sex with a ghost? (A farmer raised his hand).

SPEAKER: Really? How does it feel to have sex with a ghost?

FARMER: Ooops, i thought you said goats!!!