Sport Jokes

The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there.

“Please,” protested the college President, “you already make more than the entire History department.”

“Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.”

He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. “Run over to my office and see if I’m there,” he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.

“You’re not there, sir,” he reported.

“Oh, I see what you mean,” conceded the President, scratching his head. “I would have phoned.”

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”

You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY 4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic 5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1? 7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)8. What are people in America's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (C) NORTHERNERS 9. Spell — CAT, DOG, PIG 10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five. EXTRA CREDIT: Using your fingers, count from 1-5.

Coach Jones called the young lad in from center field during a Little League game for a conference.”See here Larry,” said the coach, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship that the Little League practices. You also know we don’t tolerate temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or

Read in full at Little League Conference

Two guys are talking about their boss’s upcoming wedding.

One says, “It’s ridiculous, he’s rich, but he’s 93 years old, and she’s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?”

The other says, “Well, we have a name for it in my family.”

“What do you call it?”

“We call it a football wedding.”

The first asks, “What’s a football wedding?”

The other says, “She’s waiting for him to kick off!”

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says: “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO …… Cocoa beans … another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.”I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I''''ll have a basketball team!” said the Catholic.”That''''s nothing!'''''''' said the Baptist. ''''''''I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I''''ll have a football team!”"You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'''''''' said the Mormon. ''''''''I have seventeen wives. One more and I''''ll have a golf course!”

Permalink Peopling The Earth

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.