Technology Jokes

Funny Computer Joke 1
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

Funny Computer Joke 2
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981

Funny Computer Joke 3
11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.

Funny Computer Joke 4
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2 (especially with the old Pentium chip).

Funny Computer Joke 5
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

Funny Computer Joke 6
A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.

Funny Computer Joke 7
A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.

Funny Computer Joke 8
Access denied–nah nah na nah nah!

Telephone Joke 1
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!

Telephone Joke 2
What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck.

Telephone Joke 3
What do ghosts use to phone home? A terror-phone.

Internet Joke 1
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.

E-Mail Joke 1
Why couldn’t the alligator send e-mails on his PC? Because it was on old croc.

E-Mail Joke 2
Why couldn’t the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged.

E-Mail Joke 3
Why didn’t the internit get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.

E-Mail Joke 4
Why do church bells never send e-mails? They d rather give each other a ring.

E-Mail Joke 5
Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares? He wanted to check his e-mail.

E-Mail Joke 6
Why don’t vikings send e-mails? They prefer to use Norse code.

Computer Joke 1
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. “Due to lack of maintenance,” he read, “we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account.”

Computer Joke 2
This customer comes into the computer store. “I m looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.” “Well,” replied the clerk, “Have you tried Windows 98?”

You enter the laboratory and see a science experiment. How will you know which class is it?

If the science experiment is green and wiggles, it’s biology.
If the science experiment stinks, it’s chemistry.
If the science experiment doesn’t work, it’s physics.

Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.

These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they’re not bad either.

When you get caught by your boss–and you will get caught–your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You’re not a loafer, you’re a self-starter.

Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.

Husband: Hi dear. I’m logged in
Wife: Have you brought the groceries?
Husband: Bad command or file name
wife: But I told you in the morning ?
Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort, retry, cancel?
Wife: What about my new TV ?
Husband: Variable not found
Wife: At least, give me your credit card. I need to do some shopping
Husband: Sharing violation. Access denied
Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you
Husband: Data type mismatch
Wife: You are useless
Husband: By default
Wife: What about your salary ?
Husband: File in use. Try after some time
Wife: Who was in the car this morning ?
Husband: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL to reboot
Wife: Are you going to have some snacks ?
Husband: File system full
Wife: What is the relation between you and your receptionist ?
Husband: only user with WRITE permission
Wife: What is my value in this family ?
Husband: Unknown virus
Wife: Do you love me or your computer or you’re being just funny ?
Husband: Too many parameters!
Wife: I will go to my dad’s house.
Husband: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated
Wife: I’ll leave you forever
Husband: Close all programs and logout and then login as another user
Wife: It’s worthless talking to you
Husband: Shutdown the computer
Wife: I’m going
Husband: It’s now safe to turn off your computer

Murphy Computer Law 1
75% of the bugs laws in this page can be applied to MS Windows (Any version).

Murphy Computer Law 2
90% of a programmer errors come from data from other programmers.

Murphy Computer Law 3
A chain letter – will be sent. To global. A dozen times.

Murphy Computer Law 4
A complex system that does’ t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

Murphy Computer Law 5
A computer is only as smart as the person using it

Murphy Computer Law 6
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

Secure Computing Jokes 01
Don’t buy a computer.

Secure Computing Jokes 02
If you do buy a computer, don’t plug it in.

Secure Computing Jokes 03
If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.

Yo mama's so technologically unsavvy, she leaves out pieces of cheese next to the computer!

Dear Tech Support Team,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3 , PlayBall 5.0 , Beer With Buddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the ‘uninstall’ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 .

Please help!

Thanks,