Funny Rude Jokes Funny Rude Jokes 1 Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70? Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69. Funny […]
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one day a couple moved into a cottage one day and the man said whatever i see next thats what i’ll call our cottage and the next thing he saw was a hairy ass so he called his cottage hairy ass afew years later his wife had a baby so the man said whatever i see next thats what i’ll call my son and the next thing he saw was a willy so he called his son willy afew years after that his son went missing so he went to the police station and said to the police officer “i’v looked all over my hairy ass but i can’t find my willy”
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A Mafia Godfather in Toronto finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks.
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to later testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him , where is the 10 million bucks that he embezzled from me.”
The lawyer using sign language asks Enzo where the money is .
Enzo signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about.”
The Godfather pulls out a pistol and puts it to Enzo’s temple and says, “Ask him again!”
The lawyer signs to Enzo, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Enzo signs back, OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno’s backyard in Woodbridge !
The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
The lawyer replies, ” He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
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this guy goes to the doctors and says “hey doc ive just been raped by an elephant”
the doc says “come on mate” “its true ive just been raped by an elephant” so the doc says “ok show me , take your pants off”. so the guy pulls his pants down and to the doctors horror his ass hole is the size of a bowling ball. “elephants dicks arnt that big”
“i know he fingered me first
Divorce, custody, and Pepsi Cola
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the
custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since
she had brought the children into this world, she should retain
custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children, so the
judge asked for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and
replied: ‘Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a
Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?’
Don’t laugh, he won!
James Caan told me at the end of filming ‘Elf’ that he had ?been waiting ?through t?he whole film for me to be f?unny – a?nd I never was.
this is so….. random.. omg these jokes!! =p
ordered a chineese last night the chink turned up at the door and he said 20 pounds please i said whats the name of katy prices son he replyed halfie price i replyed heres a tenna ting tong now fuck off.
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