Here’s a few of my favorite funny cat videos.

Hilarious Funny Cat Videos

Funny Cats YouTube Video

Compilation of funny cat video clips.

THE BEST CAT VIDEO YOU’LL EVER SEE YouTube Video

Compilation of funny cat video clips.

Funny Cats 3 YouTube Video

Compilation of funny cat video clips.

Serious Cat Sending SOS Message YouTube Video

We needed cats like this in world War !!

Master Funny Cats Compilation YouTube Video

Compilation of funny cat video clips.

If you find an awesome YouTube funny cat clip please post it as a comment below. To have the video show as a comment please follow these simple instructions:

On the right hand side of the YouTube video you want to post there’s an Embed link.

Copy the code in the Embed link and post is part of your comment.

That’s it, your comment will show a Youtube video just like the ones above. I look forward to seeing your favorite funny cat videos.

Not aware of what a faceplant is, it’s when someone falls over and lands on their face.

AKA the face plant.

I’ve scoured Youtube (also known as typing FacePlant into Youtube search facility) and here’s what I found…

Hilarious FacePlant Videos

Face Plants YouTube Video

Long compilation of faceplants.

Face Plants 2 YouTube Video

Another long compilation of faceplants from the same person who created the faceplant video above.

Face Plant Forever!!! YouTube Video

2 minutes and 13 seconds of faceplants.

Worst Face Plant Ever YouTube Video

A single face shattering faceplant!

Mini Dozer Frontflip Faceplant YouTube Video

A lovely diving faceplant from a height!

Chick Painfully Twisted in ATV Faceplant YouTube Video

Skip the first 30 seconds of this video clip to get to the action.

Face Plants And Accidents YouTube Video

If you find an awesome YouTube video faceplant please post it as a comment below. To have the video show as a comment please follow these simple instructions:

On the right hand side of the YouTube video you want to post there’s an Embed link.

Copy the code in the Embed link and post is part of your comment.

That’s it, your comment will show a Youtube video just like the ones above. I look forward to seeing your favorite FacePlant videos.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 1
You might be a Taliban if you are amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 2
You might be a Taliban if you bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 3
You might be a Taliban if you believe masturbation is evil but beating your wife is OK.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 4
You might be a Taliban if you can’t have sex with your first wife until she turns 13.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 5
You might be a Taliban if you can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 6
You might be a Taliban if you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your pants.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 7
You might be a Taliban if you consider US soldiers uncivilized for dropping the Quran but you have no problem throwing acid in your wife’s face if she asks for a divorce.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 8
You might be a Taliban if you have at least four brothers named Mohammed.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 9
You might be a Taliban if you have more wives than teeth.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 10
You might be a Taliban if you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 11
You might be a Taliban if you own a $300 machine gun and $2,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 12
You might be a Taliban if you refine heroin for a living, but have a “moral objection” to beer.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 13
You might be a Taliban if you think an assault with fifty men and machine guns against a US Stryker Brigade may be successful.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 14
You might be a Taliban if you think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 15
You might be a Taliban if you wear eyeliner but you have been acquitted at least once for murdering your wife, sister, or daughter because they wore makeup.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 16
You might be a Taliban if you wipe your ass with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 17
You might be a Taliban if you’d rather have your daughter raped than have an education.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 18
You might be a Taliban if you’ll kill anyone that says you’re not peaceful.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 19
You might be a Taliban if your home doesn’t have drapes, but your camel does.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 20
You might be a Taliban if your lifetime goal is to die.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 21
You might be a Taliban if your mother would be happier if you blew up into a million pieces.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 22
You might be a Taliban if you’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

You Might be a Taliban Joke 23
You might be a Taliban if you’ve ever uttered the phrase “I love what you’ve done with this cave”.

Racism Discussions

If you find these jokes not to your taste and would like to discuss racism, please go to this Racism Discussion Forum.

British National Party Joke 1
A former BNP security officer has been fined for naming 12,000 members on the Internet.
Like many of you, I’m also shitting myself that my names popped up

British National Party Joke 2
A member of the BNP was rushed to an NHS hospital following a near fatal car accident.
“I don’t want any chinks, coons or pakis treating me”, he insisted.
Suffice to say, the daft cunt died.

British National Party Joke 3
After a leaked document was published online, BNP members have been targeted by threats.
Well, I’m in the BNP and I think the fucking threats should be sent back to Threatland.

British National Party Joke 4
After a successful advertising campaign at the French Open tennis, Nick Griffin has turned his attention to the Queens Club.

British National Party Joke 5
Anyone else find it funny that a group calling itself “Unite Against Fascism” wants to ban the BNP because they don’t agree with their views?

British National Party Joke 6
Apparently the 2 people that posted the list of the BNP have been caught . good old cops they may not have really done fuck all to stop knife crime in London but that’s just because there black and cops don’t normally hire or care for blacks . violent ,psychopathic right wing nuts on the other hand

British National Party Joke 7
Apparently, Osama Bin Laden has called off the latest strikes on Manchester….
He knows that any attacks on the dole queues will kill too many of his own.

British National Party Joke 8
BNP Leader Nick Griffin recently attended the Queen’s garden party.
Things were going fine until she asked him if he liked macaroons.
The required response was not, “They should all fuck off home.”

British National Party Joke 9
BNP leader Nick Griffin recently dismissed the Jewish holocaust as a myth.
In response, Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks dismissed Griffin as a fantastical creature with the body of a lion and the head of an eagle.

British National Party Joke 10
BNP members are being ‘targeted by threats’, they claim its all black mail.

British National Party Joke 11
BNP Party Leader Nick Griffin is being sued by Cillit Bang for imitating their slogan “Bang! And The Dirt Is Gone” for his election campaign.

British National Party Joke 12
BNP: Putting ‘riot’ back into patriotism.

British National Party Joke 13
Did anyone else vote BNP today just so they could mark it with a swastika instead of a cross?
Or for that matter vote the Christian Party and mark it with a crucifix?

British National Party Joke 14
Does anyone else think that Nick Griffin had trouble with a “colour-by-numbers” book as a child?

British National Party Joke 15
‘Eight Neo-Nazis arrested in Israel.’
What next, BNP relocate to Bradford?

British National Party Joke 16
FROM THE BBC WEBSITE:
The UK’s equalities watchdog has begun legal action against the British National Party over concerns about ethnic restrictions on its membership.
I wonder just how many Blacks, Arabs, Pakis and Muslims are disappointed that their application to join the BNP was rejected?

British National Party Joke 17
Has anybody else noticed that only white people attend Anti Fascist rallies?
Seems to me that black people just don’t give a shit.

British National Party Joke 18
Hello there, I am a black, ginger, homosexual, Jewish shemale of Pakistani origin, I was just wondering if you could tell me where the local BNP recruitment center is?

British National Party Joke 19
HIV is a friendly disease.
After all, it kills blacks, gays and drug users.
What’s the problem?

British National Party Joke 20
I am absolutely appalled by the BNP’s policy of not letting black people into the party.
Expecting women to do all the cleaning is just sexist.

British National Party Joke 21
I couldn’t help thinking why don’t the BNP merge with the UK independence party.
Then I remembered, they can’t stand anything slightly different.

British National Party Joke 22
I couldn’t make my mind up so just voted for whichever was first on the ballot paper.
Someone really should start a party beginning with ‘A’.

British National Party Joke 23
I didn’t vote for the BNP due to the sheer audacity of a racist party to field a leader who didn’t even have blonde hair and blue eyes.

British National Party Joke 24
I don’t blame Yorkshire for electing a BNP member. If someone was going to PAY me to leave the country I’d vote for them too.

British National Party Joke 25
I just heard a conversation on the bus about Nick Griffin.
A griffin, isn’t that half lion, and half eagle?
The leader of the BNP has a mixed race surname, what is this country coming to?

British National Party Joke 26
I see BNP leader Nick Griffin got pelted with eggs today.
They should have thrown black pudding.

British National Party Joke 27
I see the BNP had a party to celebrate their recent election success in of all places Blackpool.
I would have thought Whitehaven was more their kind of place.

British National Party Joke 28
I think they should make Big Brother more entertaining and put a celeb in the house. Nick Griffin would certainly make it more entertaining.

British National Party Joke 29
I voted up a BNP joke the other day …
He’s now an MEP.

British National Party Joke 30
I was going to join the BNP, until I found out it didn’t stand for British National Party. Then I thought, ‘Fuck it’ Ban Niggers and Pakis is near enough.

British National Party Joke 31
I was going to vote BNP in this year’s European elections.
But then I remembered that I didn’t like Polls.

British National Party Joke 32
I was looking forward to my first BNP meeting. Imagine my surprise when, thanks to my dyslexia, I attended a BP meeting by mistake – non of the Black Panthers seemed particularly pleased with any of my banners or my ‘wogs out’ badges. Picky cunts.

British National Party Joke 33
I woke up this morning feeling a bit off colour
So I got up and joined the BNP.

British National Party Joke 34
If the BNP are so worried about foreigners, why do they all go to the Costa Del Sol to try and look like one?

British National Party Joke 35
If there’s something weird. In your neighborhood.
Who you gonna call?
Nick Griffin.

British National Party Joke 36
In some ways, you have admire BNP leader Nick Griffin.
He’s not afraid to call a spade a nigger.

British National Party Joke 37
Is it just me that thinks the egg throwing would have been better if they told Nick Griffin that they came from foreign chickens?

British National Party Joke 38
Isn’t it terrible that the BNP won 2 seats in the European Parliament.
Still, at least they didn’t let any Pakis in.

British National Party Joke 39
It’s just been announced that the British National Party are to go into the call center business:
Press 1 to speak in English
Press 2 to be disconnected until you learn to speak English

British National Party Joke 40
I’ve just been on the phone to Nick Griffin after the egging outside parliament. He was fuming. They didn’t separate the whites first.

British National Party Joke 41
Just saw the new BNP policy on immigration
“Catch it, Kill it, Bin it”

British National Party Joke 42
My girlfriend’s doing a fun run for the BNP – Racist For Life.

British National Party Joke 43
Nick Griffin should at least be happy that he got pelted by British farm eggs

British National Party Joke 44
Radio phone-ins – gotta love-em.
Ist caller “How can you be proud of voting for the BNP? Is this what your grandfather fought for?”
2nd caller “It’s EXACTLY what my grandfather fought for. He settled in Birmingham after the war after his Heinkel was shot down and he was made a POW.”

British National Party Joke 45
Seems odd that, for people who hate foreigners so much, the BNP are awfully proud to be going to Europe.

British National Party Joke 46
So the BNP is against European unification?
Strange – Hitler didn’t seem to think it was a bad idea…

British National Party Joke 47
Susan Boyle must hate Diversity more than Nick Griffin.

British National Party Joke 48
The BBC is facing protests after inviting the British National Party to appear on Question Time.
I bet Nick Griffin’s looking forward to wearing his “KICK RAGHEADS OUT OF BRITAIN” t-shirt.

British National Party Joke 49
The BNP do make a good case for the European election.
The bit where Nick Griffin said, “We’re not racist!” convinced me.

British National Party Joke 50
The BNP have been accused of trying to bribe voters.
If they get in, they’ve promised the whole country an Indian takeaway.

British National Party Joke 51
The BNP representing us in Europe.
A bit like sending a KKK member into a Black power meeting, fucking great.
You just know its wrong but you wanna watch anyway.

British National Party Joke 52
The BNP
More holes in our policies than the average household sieve

British National Party Joke 53
The leader of the British National Party has said he will now not be attending a Buckingham Palace garden party following uproar over his invitation.
Nick Griffin said he had “no wish to embarrass the Queen” at the event which now only leaves Prince Phillip left to chant “Hitler was right” and “Who’s the Paki in the corner”.
Also apparently Mr Griffin was already “double booked” having to attend the annual KKK barbeque and sponsored lynching fund raiser at the Millwall Football Club with this years guest speaker Lenny Henry.

British National Party Joke 54
Tip of the week-
When the BNP post window posters through your letter box, don’t hesitate to put it in your window, when the cunts from the local takeaway’s come posting shite, they’ll think twice about putting one through your letter box.

British National Party Joke 55
To the black people of the UK.
really piss the BNP off by creating your own political party and use the initials BNP.
I suggest keeping the British and Party bits and the N word will have to be something that the rest of the UK can easily identify you with.
I’m sure you’ll think of a word.

British National Party Joke 56
Truthfully, how many of us voted for BNP, just to piss of the colored people?

British National Party Joke 57
Unlike most political parties, the BNP have the courage of their convictions.
Mainly for inciting racial hatred.

British National Party Joke 58
Went on the main BNP website today and realized I never knew how racist they were before. Also never knew they were sponsored by a t-shirt site either.

British National Party Joke 59
What’s the difference between the BNP and the British royal family?
One’s a group of racist Nazi’s that don’t believe in democracy…
The other’s the BNP.

British National Party Joke 60
What’s the similarity between an alleyway in London and an Olympic racing track?
Gunshot and ten blacks running.

British National Party Joke 61
What’s the trouble with BNP football team?
They’re all right wings.

British National Party Joke 62
When rats desert the sinking ship
With Labour all at sea
The great white hope’s not Tory
But fucking BNP.

British National Party Joke 63
Why do all BNP protesters look the same, dirty, smelly bastards who live off taxpayers money.
Fucking students
I’ll have you know that I’m a student and I have to insist on disagreeing with your completely unreasonable and offensive statement. I hope you issue an apology at least. For the record, us students are dirty, smelly bastards who live off our PARENT’S MONEY.
Yeah, and I object to all students being called BNP protesters. I’m a student and a committed racist.

British National Party Joke 64
With the BNP list being produced.
Now is there any list I’m not on?

British National Party Joke 65
You can’t beat the wisdom of old people!
Earlier on I was talking to my grandad about the BNP. I said, “What is it that makes people hate like that?”
He said, “Poofs and blacks”.

Racism Discussions

If you find these jokes not to your taste and would like to discuss racism, please go to this Racism Discussion Forum.

So here goes, Funny Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Jokes or funny political quotes to be precise.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Bill Maher
No, it’s sad about Iran, but what do you expect about a country with a government that’s propped up by oil, that’s led by a religious wacko? Kind of like Alaska.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Bill Maher
The silver lining in this dark cloud is that Twitter found a reason to exist. Don’t you know that this could be the first revolution brought to you by Twitter? Because that’s how people are communicating to go of the rallies and so forth, and show the pictures of what’s going on. Authorities, of course, in Iran shut down cell phone networks. They shut down the Internet. Calls are absolutely not getting through or they’re dropped immediately. Or as T-Mobile calls it, normal service.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Bill Maher
The Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, said this election was not rigged, the results are final, and you can protest all you want, but if you keep doing it, we’re going to start cracking heads. Now if we could only get this guy to call Norm Coleman.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
A lot of turmoil in Iran right now over the recent presidential election. People protesting the election results have been avoiding the government media crackdown by posting messages on Twitter. The tweets declare that Ahmadinejad stole the election and that Jabeer is enjoying a lamb kabob.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
During his speech at Columbia University, President Ahmadinejad said his country ‘doesn’t have problems with gay people because they don’t have homosexuals in Iran.’ Which finally explains why Ahmadinejad gets away with wearing a windbreaker from 1983.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. And to disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons and the NBC primetime lineup.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Obviously, ladies and gentlemen, big, big news is from Iran right now. Incredible, three days of riots, street fighting, people setting fire to everything. I’m not sure who won over there, Ahmadinejad or the Lakers.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
People are suspecting that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s re-election may have been a sham because he’s claiming he won by a 2-1 margin. They’re also suspicious of Ahmadinejad’s claim that he’s dating Megan Fox.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
President Ahmadinejad is claiming that he won, causing a lot of controversy. Some people say that Ahmadinejad cheated a little bit. They’re now that saying weeks before the election President Ahmadinejad distributed 400,000 tons of potatoes to voters in rural areas. Who knew he’d be put over the top by the Iranian-Irish vote?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Some experts are saying the Iranian election was rigged because in some towns, voter turnout was more than 100%. What’s even stranger, all those extra votes were from elderly Jewish people in Palm Beach, Florida.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
The president of Iran gave a speech in New York City today, and thousands of New Yorkers are really upset about it. The New Yorkers said, ‘If we want to hear a short-tempered Iranian man yell at us, we’ll take a cab.’

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Yesterday, controversial Iranian President Ahmadinejad insisted that Iran has freedom of the press. He says there are 30 newspapers published there that oppose his government. So, if you’re keeping track, that’s 30 opposition newspapers and 0 gay people.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Conan O’Brien
Yesterday, Iran’s President Ahmadinejad said that his country doesn’t have problems with gay people because they don’t have homosexuals in Iran. Although Ahmadinejad did admit that sometimes one Iranian will take another Iranian’s penis hostage.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Craig Ferguson
Election returns are kind of hard to believe. According to the numbers, both opposition candidates lost to Ahma-Dinna-Jacket in their hometowns. That’s like Barack Obama losing in the city of Chicago. I’m not, in any way, suggesting Iranian politics are as corrupt as Chicago, but even Blagojevich is like, ‘Oh, they’re good.’

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Craig Ferguson
Iran had its presidential election. President Ahma-Dinna-Jacket was way behind in the polls. And then, lo and behold, he won big, everywhere – in big cities, rural areas, even in Florida.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Ahmadinejad has declared himself the winner of the election and is planning his inauguration. And I said, ‘Well, why not? The country is really in a party mood. Let’s go. Let’s get those plans in order. Let’s have some fun.’

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
And then, after the elections, the supreme leader in Iran certified the election results and shipped the crooked voting machines back to Florida.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Because earlier, in the Iranian elections, it was a tie. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the other guy were tied, and now, couple a days later, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wins by a landslide. I don’t know. People are very upset. I mean, they sparked violent protests, calls for investigation, there is national outrage. Uh, wait a minute, that’s me.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But I hope they get this figured out. I hope it goes away soon, because the last thing we need is unrest in the Middle East.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But the guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, he’s very happy that he won. He was up all night shooting nuclear missiles into the air.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But the Iranian government is planning a curfew because things are getting so crazy in Iran. And I thought if there is one thing an angry mob respects, by God, it’s a curfew, isn’t it?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But the supreme leader said that the Iranian elections were not rigged. Well, that’s good enough for me.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But there were problems with the ballots in the Iranian election. And who would have thought that? There was a mistake. Thousands of Iranians ended up voting for Pat Buchanan.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
But this guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I mean, he claims victory and he is very unpopular. And the danger politically of this, he could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb Ahmadinejad.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Have you been following what’s going on in Iran? Oh, it’s crazy. They had the election. Now it looks like there was some monkey business going on. And now people are demonstrating in the streets. And the government has imposed a curfew, in Iran. I was thinking, whoa, I just hope this doesn’t ruin the swinging Iranian night life.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Have you folks been following the Iranian elections? Well how about this Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? You know, he won, he has won the election now. And people are angry, and they’re demanding a recount. And as a matter of fact, the last unofficial account actually had Al Franken ahead. They’ve gone crazy.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Here’s the breakdown of the Iranian election: 63 percent of the vote for Ahmadinejad; Moussavi, he’s got 34 percent of the vote; and 3 percent of the vote goes to Ralph Nader.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
How about that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? What a guy this guy is, huh? According to this guy, he says there are no homosexuals in Iran. I guess that explains the pathetic state of their musical theatre.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
How many of you folks are following the elections in Iran? Hard not to. It’s compelling. Well, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was re-elected and won by a landslide, ladies and gentlemen. And I, you know, I guess the voters couldn’t resist his good looks and charisma.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
The leader of Iran’s opposition party, Mousavi, the guy who apparently lost in the election, says he’s ready to become a martyr. Don’t kid yourselves. It’s tough being a martyr nowadays, really. I mean, with the economy and all the budget cuts. When you die now, because of the economy, you’re only going to be greeted by 35, maybe 40 virgins, tops.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
Well, here’s more big news going on in Iran. You folks been following the Iranian elections? Well, here it is. It’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his opponent, Mir Hussein Moussavi. And they had one of those friendly bets. If Ahmadinejad wins the election, he gets a crate of figs, see. If Moussavi wins the election, he gets brutally slain.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
You folks are here during a great week. It’s ‘Lunatic Dictator Week’ in New York City. … Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here to visit the U.N., and also to recover some stolen sports memorabilia. … Earlier today, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University. Oh my gosh, ladies and gentleman, there hasn’t been this many angry protesting students at a college since Ball State named a building after me

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
You folks are here on a historic night. The entire balcony is filled with gay Iranians. … A couple of days ago, up at Columbia University … Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that there are no homosexuals in Iran. By the way, that’s why in Iran, it’s nearly impossible to get your dog groomed.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by David Letterman
You folks following the Iranian elections? Well, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the winner. And lots of protests. And it got to be so crazy that Iran’s supreme leader actually spoke live on television last night. And it preempted Al Jazeera’s most popular show, their number one show over there, which is ‘How I Met Your Camel.’

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Actually, there was a lot of controversy over letting him speak at Columbia. The dean of the university said that he would even let Hitler speak. Apparently, he didn’t realize he just did.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Ahmadinejad … is against drugs, he’s against alcohol, against premarital sex, against homosexuality and pornography. What’s he speaking at a college for? Good luck finding any common ground with those kids.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
As you know, the Iranian president said a lot of stupid things yesterday. My favorite is when he said there are no homosexuals in Iran. In fact, today, Idaho Senator Larry Craig volunteered to go over there on an ass-finding mission.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
As you know, women in Iran have to cover up. … Premarital sex is against the law. In fact, a man can’t even touch a woman over there unless you’re married. There’s no R-rated movies. I’m surprised all guys in Iran aren’t gay by now.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Earlier today, [Ahmadinejad] spoke to students at Columbia University. You know why he chose Columbia? … ‘Cause Notre Dame’s football program sucks this year. … No, it was tricky because he had to have an interpreter that could lie in two languages.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
My favorite part of his speech is when he said there are no homosexuals in Iran. That’s what he said. Too bad, because they need somebody to choreograph those parades they have every week.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
The Iranian President … is coming to New York, but he’s been denied permission to go to Ground Zero in New York City. He wanted to go to Ground Zero. I got an idea. Is there any way we can bring Ground Zero to him?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahma-nut job, has arrived in the United States. Did you know he was issued a visa to come here? Isn’t that amazing? You need a visa to get into the United States now, when did they start with that? … You know the interesting part? After he landed, he actually drove his own cab in from the airport.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jay Leno
Yesterday at Columbia University, it was ‘Take Your Insane Dictator To Work Day.’ There was a lot of controversy about letting the Iranian president speak here in the United States, much less at a university. I have to admit, I didn’t like it. … I mean, if he wants to condemn this country and our president, you do it the proper way … you win an Academy Award.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Fallon
Today, Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khomeini, said there’s no fraud in the election, and the results will stand. That was the word from the supreme leader. I don’t know, I wouldn’t mind a second opinion from the other supreme leaders: Burrito Supreme, Taco Supreme, and of course, Diana Ross.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Fallon
Well, the results from Iran’s presidential elections are in. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. But his opponent, Mir-Hossein Mousavi, is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. If that doesn’t work, he’s planning on making a documentary about global warming.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Kimmel
Iranian President Mahmoud Ah-members only jacket-jad is headed back home tonight after a whirl-wind trip to New York. He said many, many crazy things during his time here, but the one most people seemed focused on, I certainly am, is his contention that there are no homosexuals in Iran. That claim was challenged by an Iranian news reporter [on screen: Ahmadinejad saying he knows no homosexuals after Iranian reporter says she knows several gay Iranians]. Neither did Larry Craig, right?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Kimmel
Some massive protests continued today in Iran. Hundreds of thousands of people swarmed the streets to protest what they believe was election fraud in the re-election of President Mahmoud A Members Only Jacket.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jimmy Kimmel
The President of Iran is in the United States. President Mahmoud Ah-members only jacket-jad addressed the United Nations General Assembly today. … This guy is nuts. He denies the Holocaust happened. He says his country has no homosexuals. He’s looked very hard for them, he’s even placed personal ads. … Hey, maybe if there were homosexuals in Iran, he’d be better dressed

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jon Stewart
Ladies and gentlemen, the face of evil, the Hitler of our generation. Let’s hear his terrifying words [on screen: Ahmadinejad claiming that there are no homosexuals in Iran]. … That’s so interesting there are no homosexuals in Iran because in America, there are no homosexuals in our conservative movement either.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jon Stewart
New York City today abuzz. The big talk? Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here speaking at the U.N. and actually touring our fair city. Start spreading the news … ‘Death to America.’ … Even before his arrival, Ahmadinejad caused a stir by saying he wanted to visit Ground Zero, a request many New Yorkers saw as the ultimate insult. Or so they thought, until the diminutive Iranian got off his plane at Kennedy Airport [on screen: Ahmadinejad with a Boston Red Sox hat on]. … The really dickish part about that? He’s a Twins fan.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Joke/Quote by Jon Stewart
With the streets here gridlocked by security, how would Ahmadinejad have the time to make all these commitments? Simple. He gets to drive in the Holocaust Deniers Lane. One thing you can’t deny is the time you’ll save.

Funny Rude Joke 2
Why can’t scientists find a cure for AIDS?
They can’t get the laboratory mice to arse fuck.

Funny Rude Joke 3
Why can’t women read maps?
Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Funny Rude Joke 4
Why did dinosaurs have sex under water?
You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!

Funny Rude Joke 5
Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
He heard the snow blower coming.

Funny Rude Joke 6
Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
Because he didn’t want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Funny Rude Joke 7
Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Funny Rude Joke 8
Why did god give men penises?
So they’d always have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Funny Rude Joke 9
Why did God invent yeast infection?
So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

Funny Rude Joke 10
why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall?
To see her crack

Funny Rude Joke 11
Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!”

Funny Rude Joke 12
Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
Her lipstick

Funny Rude Joke 13
Why did the boy fall off the swing?
He didn’t have any arms.

Funny Rude Joke 14
Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
He came home shit faced.

Funny Rude Joke 15
Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
So sex wouldn’t be such a pain in the arse.

Funny Rude Joke 16
Why did the lumber truck stop?
To let the lumber jack off.

Funny Rude Joke 17
Why did the woman cross the road?
Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Funny Rude Joke 18
Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
She wanted to mount the horse her way.

Funny Rude Joke 19
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Funny Rude Joke 20
Why do bunnies have soft sex?
They have cotton balls

Funny Rude Joke 21
Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
So they don’t whistle on the way down.

Funny Rude Joke 22
Why do horny women order at Subway?
Footlongs

Funny Rude Joke 23
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Funny Rude Joke 24
Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving

Funny Rude Joke 25
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls!

Funny Rude Joke 26
Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Funny Rude Joke 27
Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
So, when you pull their tits they won’t shit on the floor.

Funny Rude Joke 28
Why do women have arms?
Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

Funny Rude Joke 29
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Funny Rude Joke 30
Why do women have two holes so close together?
In case you miss.

Funny Rude Joke 31
Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
Place to hang their air freshener.

Funny Rude Joke 32
Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !

Funny Rude Joke 33
Why do women wear black underwear?
They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

Funny Rude Joke 34
Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?
She knows she’s given her last blow job.

Funny Rude Joke 35
Why does a dog lick its penis?
Because it can’t make a fist.

Funny Rude Joke 36
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
They don’t stop for directions.

Funny Rude Joke 37
Why does it take longer to build a blond snowman?
Because you have to hollow the head out.

Funny Rude Joke 38
Why doesn’t Smokey the bear have any kids?
Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

Funny Rude Joke 39
Why don’t Canadians have group sex?
Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.

Funny Rude Joke 40
Why don’t little girls fart?
Because they don’t get assholes until they’re married.

Funny Rude Joke 41
Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.

Funny Rude Joke 42
Why don’t witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
Better traction.

Funny Rude Joke 43
Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove!

Funny Rude Joke 44
Why haven’t they sent a woman to the moon yet?
It doesn’t need cleaning.

Funny Rude Joke 45
Why is a Laundromat a bad place for a guy to pick up women?
Women who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Funny Rude Joke 46
Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Funny Rude Joke 47
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
They already have boyfriends.

Funny Rude Joke 48
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

Funny Rude Joke 49
Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Funny Rude Joke 50
Why was Tigger’s head in the toilet?
He was looking for pooh!

Funny Dirty Joke 2
What is a lesbian’s favorite thing to eat?
A Klondike Bar

Funny Dirty Joke 3
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.

Funny Dirty Joke 4
What is better than a cold Bud?
A warm bush.

Funny Dirty Joke 5
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.

Funny Dirty Joke 6
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.

Funny Dirty Joke 7
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, there under a buck.

Funny Dirty Joke 8
What is the definition of “making love”?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Funny Dirty Joke 9
What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.

Funny Dirty Joke 10
What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.

Funny Dirty Joke 11
What is the difference between “Oooh!” and “Aaah!”?
About three inches.

Funny Dirty Joke 12
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Bachelor comes home, sees what’s in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Funny Dirty Joke 13
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

Funny Dirty Joke 14
What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
Snowballs.

Funny Dirty Joke 15
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Funny Dirty Joke 16
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Funny Dirty Joke 17
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Funny Dirty Joke 18
What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won’t call you a week later.

Funny Dirty Joke 19
What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.

Funny Dirty Joke 20
What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
You can eat your mom’s apple pie.

Funny Dirty Joke 21
What is the first sign of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the ass.

Funny Dirty Joke 22
What is the lightest thing in the world?
A penis…even a thought can raise it.

Funny Dirty Joke 23
What is the noisiest thing in the world?
Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.

Funny Dirty Joke 24
What is the only game in which the more you lose, the more you have to show for it?
Strip Poker

Funny Dirty Joke 25
What proof do we have that prostitution is recession-proof?
Everyone knows that hookers thrive on hard times.

Funny Dirty Joke 26
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to use it.

Funny Dirty Joke 27
What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
Nice dick!

Funny Dirty Joke 28
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Funny Dirty Joke 29
What’s a diaphragm?
A trampoline for dick heads.

Funny Dirty Joke 30
What’s another name for pickled bread?
Dill-dough

Funny Dirty Joke 31
What’s better than a rose on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.

Funny Dirty Joke 32
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s First Movement.

Funny Dirty Joke 33
What’s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A kidney dialysis machine.

Funny Dirty Joke 34
What’s green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
Kermit’s Finger

Funny Dirty Joke 35
What’s in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
The captains log.

Funny Dirty Joke 36
What’s red and blue with a long string?
A smurfette with her period.

Funny Dirty Joke 37
What’s soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
Vomit

Funny Dirty Joke 38
What’s the bad news about being a test tube baby?
You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.

Funny Dirty Joke 39
What’s the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
You can drop her off where ever you want!

Funny Dirty Joke 40
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence!

Funny Dirty Joke 41
What’s the best thing about marrying a woman with leprosy?
She can only give you lip once!

Funny Dirty Joke 42
What’s the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud.

Funny Dirty Joke 43
What’s the biggest fish in the world?
A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.

Funny Dirty Joke 44
What’s the definition of “Tender Love?”
Two gays with hemorrhoids.

Funny Dirty Joke 45
What’s the definition of a vagina?
The box a penis comes in.

Funny Dirty Joke 46
What’s the definition of a Yankee?
Same thing as a ”quickie”, only you do it yourself.

Funny Dirty Joke 47
What’s the definition of eternity?
The time between when you cum and she leaves.

Funny Dirty Joke 48
What’s the definition of macho?
Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Funny Dirty Joke 49
What’s the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Funny Dirty Joke 50
What’s the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.

Funny Dirty Joke 51
What’s the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

Funny Dirty Joke 52
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

Funny Dirty Joke 53
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.

Funny Dirty Joke 54
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cow?
Cows survive the branding.

Funny Dirty Joke 55
What’s the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?
Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

Funny Dirty Joke 56
What’s the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home.

Funny Dirty Joke 57
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Funny Dirty Joke 58
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Funny Dirty Joke 59
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?
I take my shoes of to jump on a trampoline

Funny Dirty Joke 60
What’s the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies?
I don’t have a Porsche in my garage

Funny Dirty Joke 61
What’s the difference between a ‘Spice Girls’ video and a porn video?
The porn video has better music!

Funny Dirty Joke 62
What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
One goes “ribbit” the other goes “rub it”.’

Funny Dirty Joke 63
What’s the difference between a Trisket and a lesbian?
A Trisket is a snack cracker and a lesbian is a crack snacker!

Funny Dirty Joke 64
What’s the difference between a whore and a bitch?
Whore’s fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.

Funny Dirty Joke 65
What’s the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Funny Dirty Joke 66
What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out!

Funny Dirty Joke 67
What’s the difference between big foot and your mom?
Your mom is better in bed.

Funny Dirty Joke 68
What’s the difference between love and herpes?
Love doesn’t last forever.

Funny Dirty Joke 69
What’s the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?
Nothing.

Funny Dirty Joke 70
What’s the difference between medium and rare?
6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Funny Dirty Joke 71
What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

Funny Dirty Joke 72
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Funny Dirty Joke 73
What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?
Nobody eats parsley.

Funny Dirty Joke 74
What’s the difference between pink and purple?
The grip!

Funny Dirty Joke 75
What’s the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

Funny Dirty Joke 76
What’s the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Funny Dirty Joke 77
What’s the difference between the San Diego Padres and a Prostitute?
Nothing, they both suck!

Funny Dirty Joke 78
What’s the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Funny Dirty Joke 79
What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.

Funny Dirty Joke 80
What’s the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
Inserting the anchovies.

Funny Dirty Joke 81
What’s the hottest thing in the world?
Two rats fucking in a wool sock.

Funny Dirty Joke 82
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
Two test tickles

Funny Dirty Joke 83
What’s the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A police horse.

Funny Dirty Joke 84
What’s the speed limit of sex?
68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Funny Dirty Joke 85
What’s the ultimate rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Funny Dirty Joke 86
What’s the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm…

Funny Dirty Joke 87
What’s white, smells, and can be found in panties?
Clitty litter

Funny Dirty Joke 88
What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Funny Dirty Joke 89
What’s worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to 10 trees

Funny Dirty Joke 90
What’s yellow and green and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea

Funny Dirty Joke 91
When does a Cub Scout become a Boy Scout?
When he eats his first Brownie

Funny Dirty Joke 92
Where do fags park?
In the rear.

Funny Dirty Joke 93
Which is the odd one out a woman, a microwave or a fridge/freezer?
The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked!

Funny Dirty Joke 94
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.

Funny Dirty Joke 95
Who makes more money, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!

Funny Dirty Joke 96
Who’s the world’s greatest athlete?
The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Funny Dirty Joke 97
Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.

Funny Dirty Joke 98
Why are roach clips called roach clips?
Because “pot holder” was already taken.

Funny Dirty Joke 99
Why are women are like tires?
There’s always a spare.

Funny Dirty Joke 100
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Funny Adult Joke 2
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn’t report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife.

Funny Adult Joke 3
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!

Funny Adult Joke 4
Define “Egghead:”
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

Funny Adult Joke 5
Did ya hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?
It works by changing your blood type!!

Funny Adult Joke 6
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack.

Funny Adult Joke 7
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

Funny Adult Joke 8
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer’s patients?
They hid their own eggs!

Funny Adult Joke 9
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Funny Adult Joke 10
Did you hear about the gay guy that’s on the patch?
He’s down to four butts a day.

Funny Adult Joke 11
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Funny Adult Joke 12
Did you hear about the kid napping?
Yeah, he woke up!

Funny Adult Joke 13
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.

Funny Adult Joke 14
Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie?
They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.

Funny Adult Joke 15
Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?
They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.

Funny Adult Joke 16
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
They’re going to call her Old Spice.

Funny Adult Joke 17
Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah…now he has no ears.

Funny Adult Joke 18
Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife…
A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.

Funny Adult Joke 19
Do you know how to eat a frog?
You put one leg over each ear.

Funny Adult Joke 20
Have you heard about the new ‘Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?
They’re called ‘Predickamints’

Funny Adult Joke 21
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Funny Adult Joke 22
How are men like noodles?
They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Funny Adult Joke 23
How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

Funny Adult Joke 24
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

Funny Adult Joke 25
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table has no balls.

Funny Adult Joke 26
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.

Funny Adult Joke 27
How can you tell if you have acne?
If the blind can read your face.

Funny Adult Joke 28
How can you tell she’s a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.

Funny Adult Joke 29
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
When his hand caught on fire.

Funny Adult Joke 30
How did the tugboat get AIDS?
It was rear-ended by a ferry.

Funny Adult Joke 31
How do lesbians handle their liquor?
By the ears. (Lick her)

Funny Adult Joke 32
How do you fuck a fat chick?
Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Funny Adult Joke 33
How do you get four old ladies to shout “Fuck”?
Get a fifth old lady to shout “Bingo!”

Funny Adult Joke 34
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton’s toes.

Funny Adult Joke 35
How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
All your tic tacks are gone.

Funny Adult Joke 36
How do you know when you are getting old?
When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Funny Adult Joke 37
How do you know when you honeymoon is over?
When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.

Funny Adult Joke 38
How do you make a snooker table laugh.
Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.

Funny Adult Joke 39
How do you turn a fox into an elephant
Marry it.

Funny Adult Joke 40
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Funny Adult Joke 41
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?
10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 pussy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.

Funny Adult Joke 42
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

Funny Adult Joke 43
I married Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was “Always.”

Funny Adult Joke 44
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on?
The Captains Dinghy!

Funny Adult Joke 45
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
When the kids are in college.

Funny Adult Joke 46
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged

Funny Adult Joke 47
What did one tit say to the other?
I hope we get support soon or people will think we’re nuts.

Funny Adult Joke 48
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
“How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”

Funny Adult Joke 49
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
“How do you breath through something so small?”

Funny Adult Joke 50
What did the potato chip say to the battery?
If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

Funny Adult Joke 51
What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Funny Adult Joke 52
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.

Funny Adult Joke 53
What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
The Hanger.

Funny Adult Joke 54
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

Funny Adult Joke 55
What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Funny Adult Joke 56
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroid’s.

Funny Adult Joke 57
What do gay kids get for Christmas?
Erection Sets.

Funny Adult Joke 58
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.

Funny Adult Joke 59
What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common?
No ball room

Funny Adult Joke 60
What do women and police cars have in common?
They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Funny Adult Joke 61
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools?
A fruit stand!

Funny Adult Joke 62
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.

Funny Adult Joke 63
What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

Funny Adult Joke 64
What do you call a truck full of dildos?
Toys for Twats

Funny Adult Joke 65
What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
The aids team.

Funny Adult Joke 66
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter

Funny Adult Joke 67
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float.

Funny Adult Joke 68
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A Mechanic.

Funny Adult Joke 69
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor

Funny Adult Joke 70
What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
Potpourri

Funny Adult Joke 71
What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag?
Speed bumps.

Funny Adult Joke 72
What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar?
A love call.

Funny Adult Joke 73
What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.

Funny Adult Joke 74
What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
M�nage � twat.

Funny Adult Joke 75
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!

Funny Adult Joke 76
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur traders.

Funny Adult Joke 77
What do you do in case of fallout?
Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

Funny Adult Joke 78
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Yell at her.

Funny Adult Joke 79
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God’s gift?
Exchange him.

Funny Adult Joke 80
What do you find in a clean nose?
Fingerprints!

Funny Adult Joke 81
What do you get when you cross a brassiere with Texas?
Playtex.

Funny Adult Joke 82
What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
Dicktator

Funny Adult Joke 83
What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Funny Adult Joke 84
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
An itchy cock.

Funny Adult Joke 85
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.

Funny Adult Joke 86
What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Funny Adult Joke 87
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Funny Adult Joke 88
What do your parents’ car and testicles have in common?
Hit either one of them and you’re grounded.

Funny Adult Joke 89
What does 70 year old pussy taste like?
Depends!

Funny Adult Joke 90
What does a poof and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!

Funny Adult Joke 91
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They’re hiring.

Funny Adult Joke 92
What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
Push it aside and keep on eating…

Funny Adult Joke 93
What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
Sticks it in Olive Oyl.

Funny Adult Joke 94
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

Funny Adult Joke 95
What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
Thanks for coming.

Funny Adult Joke 96
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common ?
You don’t look down.

Funny Adult Joke 97
What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.

Funny Adult Joke 98
What goes: “CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?”
A blind person with a rubix cube.

Funny Adult Joke 99
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!

Funny Adult Joke 100
What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can’t be tweeted because its a canarial disease.

Funny Adult Joke 101
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea

Funny Sex Joke 2
Did you hear about the gay truckers?
They exchanged loads.

Funny Sex Joke 3
Did you hear about the guy who died of Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.

Funny Sex Joke 4
Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
They went outside to exchange blows

Funny Sex Joke 5
Did you hear about the two gay judges?
They tried each other.

Funny Sex Joke 6
Did you hear about the two homosexual judges?
They kept trying each other.

Funny Sex Joke 7
Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for “lesbian”.
It has been changed to “vagitarian”.

Funny Sex Joke 8
Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
They’re called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!

Funny Sex Joke 9
Did you know 70% of the gay population were born that way?
The other 30% were sucked into it.

Funny Sex Joke 10
Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
Wool!

Funny Sex Joke 11
Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
Ate something.

Funny Sex Joke 12
Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel?
It’s for the Christmas period.

Funny Sex Joke 13
Hear about the new gay sitcom?
“Leave it, it’s Beaver.”

Funny Sex Joke 14
Hey, what’s sticky, white and falls from the sky?
The cumming of the Lord

Funny Sex Joke 15
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.

Funny Sex Joke 16
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They are fun to ride but you don’t want your friends to find out.

Funny Sex Joke 17
How can you tell a head nurse?
She’s the one with the dirty knees!

Funny Sex Joke 18
How can you tell if a Western is homosexual?
All the good guys are hung.

Funny Sex Joke 19
How can you tell if you are in a gay amusement park?
They issue gerbils at the tunnel of love.

Funny Sex Joke 20
How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush.

Funny Sex Joke 21
How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you’re feeding a horse.

Funny Sex Joke 22
How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean.

Funny Sex Joke 23
How did the gay break his leg at the golf course?
He fell off the ball washer!

Funny Sex Joke 24
How do men sort out their laundry?
Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Funny Sex Joke 25
How do you confuse a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it’s from.

Funny Sex Joke 26
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It’s not hard.

Funny Sex Joke 27
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy

Funny Sex Joke 28
How do you give a blind queer a thrill?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Funny Sex Joke 29
How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

Funny Sex Joke 30
How do you know when your cat’s done cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.

Funny Sex Joke 31
How do you know when your wife is really dead?
Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Funny Sex Joke 32
How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
Give it a nipple.

Funny Sex Joke 33
How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
Call her and tell her.

Funny Sex Joke 34
How do you say 69 in Chinese?
Twocanchew (two can chew).

Funny Sex Joke 35
How do you teach a blond math?
Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Funny Sex Joke 36
How do you tell if a chick’s too fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

Funny Sex Joke 37
How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Funny Sex Joke 38
How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Funny Sex Joke 39
How is a woman like a road?
Both have manholes.

Funny Sex Joke 40
How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
At the circus, the clowns don’t talk.

Funny Sex Joke 41
How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
None It should be open when she brings it to you

Funny Sex Joke 42
How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Funny Sex Joke 43
If your mother and father have a baby and its not your sister or your brother, who is it?
It’s you, you fucking idiot!

Funny Sex Joke 44
Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
“Is it in?”

Funny Sex Joke 45
What did Adam say to Eve?
Stand back, I don’t know how big this thing gets!

Funny Sex Joke 46
What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
I can’t see a thing with all this shit in here!

Funny Sex Joke 47
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
Why are you shaking she’s going to eat me.

Funny Sex Joke 48
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
Good morning Girls

Funny Sex Joke 49
What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire?
See you next period.

Funny Sex Joke 50
What did the guy say to his dick after he found that the girl he’s getting ready to fuck has genital warts?
“Hang on, boy! It’s gonna be a bumpy ride!”

Funny Sex Joke 51
What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
I feel like a kid again!

Funny Sex Joke 52
What did the woman say to her swimming instructor?
“Will I really drown if you take your finger out?”

Funny Sex Joke 53
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

Funny Sex Joke 54
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as substitute meat.

Funny Sex Joke 55
What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it, but can’t eat it.

Funny Sex Joke 56
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.

Funny Sex Joke 57
What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Funny Sex Joke 58
What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
Without the hole in the middle they aren’t good for shit.

Funny Sex Joke 59
What do a Turtle and a Pedophile have in common?
They both want to get there before the ‘hair’ does.

Funny Sex Joke 60
What do you call a female clown?
A Clunt

Funny Sex Joke 61
What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
Cunt Stubble.

Funny Sex Joke 62
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin’ off.

Funny Sex Joke 63
What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
Bisexual.

Funny Sex Joke 64
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?A: Lickalotopuss.

Funny Sex Joke 65
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well hung.

Funny Sex Joke 66
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A tearjerker.

Funny Sex Joke 67
What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A tran-sister.

Funny Sex Joke 68
What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A lesbian with a hard-on.

Funny Sex Joke 69
What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A pubic hair.

Funny Sex Joke 70
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
Pimp.

Funny Sex Joke 71
What do you call an anorexic prostitute?
Lite & Easy

Funny Sex Joke 72
What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
Miracle whip.

Funny Sex Joke 73
What do you call two lesbians with their period?
Finger painting.

Funny Sex Joke 74
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use some lubricant.

Funny Sex Joke 75
What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Funny Sex Joke 76
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don’t do dick.

Funny Sex Joke 77
What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
Goes-in-tight!

Funny Sex Joke 78
What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm “Jersey”

Funny Sex Joke 79
What does a female snail say during sex?
Faster, faster, faster!

Funny Sex Joke 80
What does a woman’s asshole do when she is having an orgasm?
He is usually home with the kids!

Funny Sex Joke 81
What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t?
A navel.

Funny Sex Joke 82
What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.

Funny Sex Joke 83
What does do women and milk cartons have in common?
You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.

Funny Sex Joke 84
What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

Funny Sex Joke 85
What’s a necrophilia’s biggest complaint about sex?
They just kinda lay there.

Funny Sex Joke 86
What’s a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
All it takes is one prick and its all over.

Funny Sex Joke 87
What’s female Viagra?
Jewellery

Funny Sex Joke 88
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

Funny Sex Joke 89
Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be hell.

Funny Sex Joke 90
Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
Their shaky hands!

Funny Sex Joke 91
Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
So men can be open minded.

Funny Sex Joke 92
Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.

Funny Sex Joke 93
Why does the bride always wear white?
Well aren’t all kitchen appliances that colour?

Funny Sex Joke 94
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.

Funny Sex Joke 95
Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
Because women wouldn’t do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Funny Sex Joke 96
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Funny Sex Joke 97
Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Funny Sex Joke 98
Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Funny Sex Joke 99
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.

Funny Sex Joke 100
You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man’s sex life?
Because women know if he’ll eat one of those, he’ll eat anything!

There must have been some poison in that last dime bag he got,
For when he took his first big hit he dropped dead on the spot.

Frosty the cokehead doesn’t worry anymore,
Cuz when all is said, and your cold and dead,
Then you never have to score.