Apple Joke 1
The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. “You’ve got to help me! There’s a giant gray thing in my yard, and it’s pulling apples off the tree with its tail!” “What’s he doing with the apples?” the sergeant asked. “If I told you,” the woman cried, “you wouldn’t believe me!”

Apple Joke 2
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!

Apple Joke 3
Why didn’t the two worms go into Noah’s ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !

Apple Joke 4
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !

Apple Joke 5
First apple: You look down in the dumps. What’s eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think.

Apple Joke 6
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !

Apple Joke 7
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

Apple Joke 8
Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, “Watch out for worms won’t you!” The first one replied, “Why should I? They can watch out for themselves.”

Apple Joke 9
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.

Apple Joke 10
Fred came rushing in to his Dad. “Dad!” he puffed, “is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” “That’s what they say,” said his Dad. “Well, give me an apple quick ? I’ve just broken the doctor’s window!”

Apple Joke 11
School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. “What kind of pie do you call this ?” asked one schoolboy indignantly. “What’s it taste of ?” asked the cook. “Glue!” “Then it’s apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap.”

Apple Joke 12
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden

Apple Joke 13
How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

Apple Joke 14
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.

Apple Joke 15
Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None – because they were all redskins.

Apple Joke 16
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do? It can look round.

Apple Joke 17
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.

Apple Joke 18
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.

Apple Joke 19
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard’s on fire.

Apple Joke 20
Two girls were having their packed lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, Watch out for worms won’t you ! The first one replied, why should I ? They can watch out for themselves.

Apple Joke 21
A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California’s apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, “How much are yer apples?” “All you can pick for one dollar,” said the rancher. “Okay,” said the Pennsylvanian. “I ll take two dollars worth.”

Apple Joke 22
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I d still have 4 apples.”

Apple Joke 23
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

Apple Joke 24
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.

Apple Joke 25
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don’t eat.

Apple Joke 26
What kind of apple isn’t an apple? A pineapple.

Apple Joke 27
What did the apple say to the apple pie? “You’ve got some crust.”

Apple Joke 28
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

Apple Joke 29
Why don’t apples smile when you go bobbing ? Because they re crab apples !

Apple Joke 30
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !

Apple Joke 31
Why did Eve want to move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !

Apple Joke 32
What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands? He brought it to school and said, An Ape-lle for the teacher!

Apple Joke 33
What’s the difference between a worm and an apple ? Have you ever tried worm pie ?!

Apple Joke 34
What reads and lives in an apple ? A bookworm !

Apple Joke 35
If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.