“The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill to build a 700-mile fence along the Mexican border. Apparently, the idea is to keep Mexicans from getting back home.” –Conan O’Brien

“A new season of ‘Survivor’ debuted tonight featuring the controversial idea of separating the tribes by race. The Asian tribe is called Puka Puka, the African-American tribe is called Manihiki, and the Caucasian tribe is called the Republicans.” –Conan O’Brien

“This week, President Bush said he has no plans to invade North Korea. Bush said, ‘This time, Rumsfeld and I are going to wing it.’.” –Conan O’Brien