Food Joke 1
Q. What did the salt say to the pepper? A. Hey Baby, What’s SHAKING!

Food Joke 2
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” Bill: “If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?” Tom: “The smaller piece, of course.” Bill: “What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?”

Food Joke 3
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest. “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Food Joke 4
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest. “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Food Joke 5
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

Food Joke 6
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

Food Joke 7
The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”

Food Joke 8
A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.

Food Joke 9
A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

Food Joke 10
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

Food Joke 11
A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

Food Joke 12
Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

Food Joke 13
Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

Food Joke 14
I thought you were trying to get into shape? I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

Food Joke 15
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. “Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?” “Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. “I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”

Food Joke 16
In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store. After arguing loudly, the couple began throwing sweet potatoes at each other. Eventually, the man allegedly threw the woman into several vegetable racks, sending the contents spilling to the floor. As both continued to brawl on the floor, she allegedly stuffed lettuce into the man’s mouth.

Food Joke 17
Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals! Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question? Johnny: It’s because I saw one on daddy’s lettuce, but now it’s gone.

Food Joke 18
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.” “Heck, Gloria,” the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, “we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn’t heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!”

Food Joke 19
Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell “Evian” backwards!

Food Joke 20
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma am, they re dead.”

Food Joke 21
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.” The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”

Food Joke 22
The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food. “Here,” he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, “do you call that pig?” “Which end of the fork, sir?” the waitress asked sweetly.

Food Joke 23
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. “Give me a corned beef sandwich,” he ordered. “Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.” “What’s a Midnight Special?” “A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread.” “Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?” “Why, sure!” Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: “One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!”

Food Joke 24
What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt, Hops, Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine, Fat, Sugar, Chocolate.

Food Joke 25
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: Is this pig? Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: Which end of the fork are you referring to?

Food Joke 26
May I take your order? the waiter asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?” “Nothing special sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they re going to die.”

Food Joke 27
Q. What’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you re eating? A. Finding half a worm.

Food Joke 28
What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ? 100 way to wok your dog.

Food Joke 29
What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

Food Joke 30
Why did the grape cross the road? To get away from the grapefruit.

Food Joke 31
What’s the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

Food Joke 32
What ghost is handy in the kitchen? A recipe spook.

Food Joke 33
I d say he was spineless. Yes, about as spineless as cooked spaghetti.

Food Joke 34
What sort of soup do skeletons like? One with plenty of body in it.

Food Joke 35
How do you make gold soup? Put 14 carrots in it.

Food Joke 36
Don’t eat the cookies so fast they ll keep. I know, but I want to eat as many as I can before I lose my appetite !

Food Joke 37
What are apricots? Where monkeys sleep.

Food Joke 38
What’s the best day to eat bacon? Fry-day.

Food Joke 39
What is small, furry and smells like bacon? A hamster.

Food Joke 40
What’s the difference between a biscuit and a monster? You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a monster is too big to fit in the cup.

Food Joke 41
Why did the biscuit cry? Because its mother had been a wafer so long.

Food Joke 42
Have you got any broken biscuits? Yes, I have. Well, you shouldn’t be so clumsy!

Food Joke 43
What did the biscuit say when it saw two friends knocked down? Crumbs!

Food Joke 44
Why did your brother give up his job in the biscuit factory? Because he went crackers.

Food Joke 45
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I m a slice of bread. Doctor: You’ve got to stop loafing around.

Food Joke 46
Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.

Food Joke 47
They say she has a sharp tongue. Yes, she can slice bread with it.

Food Joke 48
Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh, crumbs.

Food Joke 49
Why can’t you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!

Food Joke 50
What looks just like half a loaf of bread? Its other half.

Food Joke 51
Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are we running so fast?” asked one. “Because,” said the second, “it says tear along the dotted line !”

Food Joke 52
Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are we running so fast?” asked one. “Because,” said the second, “it says tear along the dotted line !”

Food Joke 53
What do cannibals eat for breakfast? Buttered host.

Food Joke 54
How do you know that a elephant’s been in the fridge? There are foot prints in the butter. ”

Food Joke 55
And What’s your name?” the secretary asked the next new boy. “Butter.” “I hope your first name’s not Roland,” smirked the secretary. “No, ma am. It’s Brendan.”

Food Joke 56
Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.

Food Joke 57
Fred! What did I say I d do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again? That’s funny, Mom. I can’t remember either.

Food Joke 58
What do you call two rows of cabbages ? A dual cabbageway !

Food Joke 59
Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll? Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!

Food Joke 60
My Aunt Maud had so many candles on her last birthday cake that all her party guests got sunburnt !

Food Joke 61
What’s the fastest cake in the world? Meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngue.

Food Joke 62
Flo: Try some of my sponge cake. Joe: It’s a bit tough. Flo: That’s strange. I only bought the sponge from the chemist this morning.

Food Joke 63
Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Yes, very much. Girl: That’s funny. My mom said you didn’t have any taste.

Food Joke 64
What cake wanted to rule the world? Attila the Bun.

Food Joke 65
What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you, I ll just have a slither.

Food Joke 66
What musical instrument goes with cheese? Picklelo.

Food Joke 67
Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today. . Cook: There is. Fred: No, there isn t. There’s only cheese pie. Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.

Food Joke 68
What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

Food Joke 69
Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake…

Food Joke 70
Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why? Fred: I don’t know. It must have been so dark I didn’t see the other one.

Food Joke 71
I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. What did he say? He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate. Did that do any good? No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.

Food Joke 72
Boy: What’s black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t worry about What’s in the tin.

Food Joke 73
An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales.” The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, “Ma am, I suggest you weigh your son.”

Food Joke 74
Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. It’s empty.

Food Joke 75
What’s the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can’t dip a vampire in your tea.

Food Joke 76
Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!

Food Joke 77
How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.

Food Joke 78
At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear. “There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?” “Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”

Food Joke 79
What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.

Food Joke 80
My brother’s on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.

Food Joke 81
A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. “I ll have fish and chips twice,” he orders. “Sure, I heard you the first time,” came the reply.

Food Joke 82
What’s red and green and wears boxing gloves? A fruit punch.

Food Joke 83
Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.

Food Joke 84
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries – that’s my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.

Food Joke 85
Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.

Food Joke 86
What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger.

Food Joke 87
When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he become? Lone Lee.

Food Joke 88
Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine? They keep repeating themselves.

Food Joke 89
What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom? “He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”

Food Joke 90
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.” “Heck, Gloria,” the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, “we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn’t heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!”

Food Joke 91
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

Food Joke 92
What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake? “Hey, What’s eating you?”

Food Joke 93
A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts. Would you like a cherry on the top ? asked the waitress. No, thanks, said the girl, I m on a diet !

Food Joke 94
Camper: There’s something wrong with my hot dog. Cook: Don’t tell me. I m not a veterinarian.

Food Joke 95
How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read the label.

Food Joke 96
What food are you able to can? Cannibal (can able) food.

Food Joke 97
What food is good for the brain? Noodle soup.

Food Joke 98
Why are oranges like bells? You can peel (peal) both of them.

Food Joke 99
How can you make a soup rich? Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.

Food Joke 100
What could you do if you were on a desert island without food or water? Open your watch: drink from the spring, and eat the sand which is (sandwiches) there.

Food Joke 101
If there were no food left, what could people do? Country people could eat their forest preserves and city people could have their traffic jams.

Food Joke 102
What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink ? Gravi-tea !

Food Joke 103
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Bacon ! Bacon who ? Bacon a cake for your birthday !

Food Joke 104
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Bean ! Bean who ? Bean working very hard today !

Food Joke 105
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Beef ! Beef who ? Beef fair now !

Food Joke 106
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Butter ! Butter who ? Butter wrap up – it’s cold out here !

Food Joke 107
WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this?

Food Joke 108
WIFE: “You look tired, honey. How about a nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for dessert?” HUSBAND: “No thanks. I m too tired. Let’s just eat at home.”

Food Joke 109
Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas.

Food Joke 110
Several women were discussing what they should have for dinner. “If you re watching your weight,” came one suggestion, “those diet frozen dinners are good.” The man then added: “But get two. They re small.”

Food Joke 111
Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice? Why? Do I look like one?

Food Joke 112
Would you like a duck egg for supper? Only if you quack it for me.

Food Joke 113
What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.

Food Joke 114
What’s a fresh vegetable? One that insults a farmer.

Food Joke 115
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods? One was “a-salted.”

Food Joke 116
Q: What did one strawberry say to the other? A:”Look at the jam you’ve gotten us into!”

Food Joke 117
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.

Food Joke 118
What do you call an egg from outer space? An unidentified flying omelet!

Food Joke 119
What’s a doll’s favorite food? Barbie-Q!

Food Joke 120
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours? A: Nacho cheese!

Food Joke 121
Q.Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A. He was feeling crummy!

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