Internet Joke 1
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
Internet Joke 2
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 21 to flame the spell checkers. 49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bul bs be stopped. 41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list. 106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty. 12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs. 8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs. 2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, “Me Too.” 6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy. 9 to quote the “Me Too s” and happily add, “Me Three!” 3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here. 53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
Internet Joke 3
What’s O. J. Simpson’s Internet address? Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
Internet Joke 4
Can you show me how to use the Internet? I d better – otherwise you ll just go round and round in circles.
Internet Joke 5
Do you want some help using the Internet, son? No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.
Internet Joke 6
Does your mum like shopping on the Internet? No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
Internet Joke 7
How do you find white shirts on the Internet? Use a starch engine.
Internet Joke 8
How does the vicar explore the Internet? With the church mouse.
Internet Joke 9
I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet… Yes – and it’s a mammoth task!
Internet Joke 10
I hope you re not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn’t get any exercise. Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.
Internet Joke 11
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I’ve changed my mind. Let’s hope your new one works better then the one you had before.
Internet Joke 12
I see you’ve got your bill for using the Internet Yes, and my dad’s really going to get the hump!
Internet Joke 13
I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it’s raining!
Internet Joke 14
Since you’ve discovered the Internet, you don’t pay any attention to me! Who said that?
Internet Joke 15
So what exactly can I learn on the Internet? Anything you like – it can even teach you to talk like an Indian. How? See? It’s working already.
Internet Joke 16
Teacher: Don’t forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions. Pupil: It’s not the questions I have trouble with, it’s the answers.
Internet Joke 17
Teacher: What are the four elements? Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet? Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I m on the Net, I m in my element.
Internet Joke 18
What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet? Anything you like, they re not listening to you anyway.
Internet Joke 19
Where does the Internet football team play? Webley.
Internet Joke 20
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? Because they can’t stop saving their work.
Internet Joke 21
Why do you think your report should be on the net? Because my marks are all E s.
Internet Joke 22
You re a big Internet fan aren’t you? Yes – it’s becoming a habit!
Internet Joke 23
You re a big internet fan, arn’t you? Yes, I really get a buzz out of it!
Internet Joke 24
Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer’s disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren’t any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works, doesn’t it?
Internet Joke 25
Where’s Spiderman’s home page? On the world wide web.
Internet Joke 26
Why did the mummy stop using the Internet? He was getting far too wrapped up in it.
Internet Joke 27
Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? They never want to log off.
Internet Joke 28
Why was the skeleton using the Internet? To bone up on his schoolwork.
Internet Joke 29
What’s the best city to search the World Wide Web in? Rome.
Internet Joke 30
Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington
Internet Joke 31
Who is the oldest singer on the Internet? Click Jagger.
Internet Joke 32
Who writes hit musicals on the Internet? Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Internet Joke 33
What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet? Oh give it arrest.
Internet Joke 34
What do you get if you cross a giant ship with the Internet? The Site-anic.
Internet Joke 35
What do you get if you cross the Internet with a currant bread? Spotted click
Internet Joke 36
What do you put in a www.ashing machine? Net curtains!
Internet Joke 37
What grows on the World Wide Web and stings? Internettles.
Internet Joke 38
What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet? P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.
Internet Joke 39
What did the sausage say when it couldn’t log on to the Internet? If at first you don’t succeed Fry, Fry again
Internet Joke 40
Did you know pillows have their own website? Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!
Internet Joke 41
Did you like www.flower.com? Not at first….but it grew on me!
Internet Joke 42
How did the flea learn to use the internet? He had to start from scratch.
Internet Joke 43
Have you got the address of the butter website? Yes, but don’t spread it around.
Internet Joke 44
I can’t find a shark website…. That’s cos you re dum dum, dum dum, dum dum, dumb……
Internet Joke 45
If doors have a website shouldn’t windows have one too? We d better, or it will be curtains for us.
Internet Joke 46
Our website should have more colour, more games, more sound! Look, what more do you want? Blood?
Internet Joke 47
What did the hypnotist say when he got his own website…. Hyp, Hyp Hooray.
Internet Joke 48
What did the maths homework website say to the geometry website? Boy do we have problems.
Internet Joke 49
What did you think of our website? A little bit tacky.
Internet Joke 50
What do builders use to make websites? Com.crete.
Internet Joke 51
Where is Pinocchio’s website? On the splinternet.
Internet Joke 52
Who has the best website in the jungle? The Onlion King.
Internet Joke 53
Who runs the 100 acre wood website? www.innie the pooh.
Internet Joke 54
Who started the campfire website? Some bright spark.
Internet Joke 55
Why do you keep going back to that fishing website? I can’t help it, I m hooked.
Internet Joke 56
You need to log on to the window repair website! I did – but it gave me a pane!
Internet Joke 57
I spent the whole evening knotsurfing! Don’t you mean netsurfing? No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!
Internet Joke 58
How do nuns surf the web? On the Hymnternet.
Internet Joke 59
How are you getting on with the Internet? Surf far, so good.
Internet Joke 60
My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net. What an intelligent animal! Not really, it took the cat three weeks to teach him.
Internet Joke 61
Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you ll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!
Internet Joke 62
What happened when the schoool bully went netsurfing? The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.
Internet Joke 63
What surfs the Internet and goes, Choo, Choo ? Thomas the Search Engine.
Internet Joke 64
What’s hairy, dangerous and only surfs the Net when there’s a full moon? The www.erewolf.
Internet Joke 65
Who sits at the end of the yellow brick road surfing the Net? The www.izard of Oz.
Internet Joke 66
Who surfs the Net by pecking at the keyboard? www.oody www.oodpecker.
Internet Joke 67
Why are elephants no good at Net surfing? Because they re scared of the mouse.
Internet Joke 68
Does your dog know how how to surf the internet? No – but he’s got a ruff idea.
Internet Joke 69
Why are frogs no good at websurfing? Computers have them toad-ily confused.
Internet Joke 70
Why couldn’t the baby camel surf the Internet? Because whenever his parents saw their phone bill they got the hump.
Internet Joke 71
Why was Cinderella able to surf the web? Because he footman turned into a mouse.
Internet Joke 72
Do you enjoy websurfing? No way! my mum warned me to stay away from the net!
Internet Joke 73
Do you like surfing the net? Oh yes, I’ve really taken a shine to it. (Moon to Sun)
Internet Joke 74
How do heavy metal bands surf the web? On the Din-ternet.
Internet Joke 75
Have you seen www.tomatosauce.com? No, I ll ketchup with it later.
Internet Joke 76
Have you seen www.topsecret.com? If I have, I m not going to tell you.
Internet Joke 77
Have you seen www.usedmatch.com? Yes, but I didn’t find it striking.
Internet Joke 78
Have you seen www.veryangry.com? No, AND STOP ASKING ME STUPID QUESTIONS!
Internet Joke 79
Have you seen www.yawn.com? Yes, but I m a bit tired of it.
Internet Joke 80
Have you heard that there’s a new mountain website? Really? I must take a peak at it!
Internet Joke 81
Have you seen www.hook.com? Yes, it’s already caught my eye.
Internet Joke 82
Have you seen www.indecisive.com? Yes and no.
Internet Joke 83
Have you seen www.lockeddoor.com? Yes, but I found it very difficult to get into.
Internet Joke 84
Have you seen www.needleinahaystack.com? Yes, but it took ages to find.
Internet Joke 85
Have you seen www.pitchdark.com? Yes, but I really couldn’t see what all the fuss is about.
Internet Joke 86
Have you seen www.quasimodo.com? I m not sure, but certainly rings a bell.
Internet Joke 87
Have you seen www.quicksand.com? Yes, but it hasn’t sunk in yet.
Internet Joke 88
Have you seen www.shelterfromtherain.com? Yes, but it doesn’t really stand out.
Internet Joke 89
Have you seen www.smallearthquake.com? Yes, its’s no great shakes!
Internet Joke 90
Have you seen www.square.com? No, I haven’t got around to it.
Internet Joke 91
Have you seen www.amnesia.com? Sorry, I just can’t remember.
Internet Joke 92
Have you seen www.apathy.com? No, and quite honestly I can’t be bothered.
Internet Joke 93
Have you seen www.blottingpaper.com? Yes, I found it very absorbing.
Internet Joke 94
Have you seen www.boomerang .com? Yes, I return to it again and again.
Internet Joke 95
Have you seen www.brokenglass.com? Yes, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Internet Joke 96
Have you seen www.busfull.com? No, I m afraid that one passed me by.
Internet Joke 97
Have you seen www.dustbin.com? Yes, but it’s a load of rubbish.
Internet Joke 98
Have you seen www.stickytape.com? Yes, I can’t tear myself away.
Internet Joke 99
Have you seen www.tame.com? Yes, but I m not wild about it.
Internet Joke 100
What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t.
Internet Joke 101
What sits in the middle of the world wide web ? A very, very big spider !
Internet Joke 102
PE Teacher: Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer? Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net.
Internet Joke 103
What do you get if you type www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer? A sore finger.
Internet Joke 104
Doctor, doctor, I feel like I m part of the Internet! Well, you do look a site
Internet Joke 105
Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach? No, you should do it on a computer.
Internet Joke 106
Do you like web jokes? Yes – they re e-larious!
Internet Joke 107
How do you fix a broken website? With stick e-tape.
Internet Joke 108
How do you make rude noises on the Internet? With a whoop e-cushion.
Internet Joke 109
What did Darth Vader say to the Internet? May the force e-with you.
Internet Joke 110
What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe? An e-mergency.
Internet Joke 111
What do you call a ghost on the Internet? e-erie.
Internet Joke 112
What do you call an Internet mystery? An e-nigma.
Internet Joke 113
What do you get if you cross an elephant with the Internet? I don’t know, but it’s e-nourmous.
Internet Joke 114
What goes round the middle of the Internet? The e-quator.
Internet Joke 115
What has long ears, hops and likes websurfing? The e-aster bunny.
Internet Joke 116
Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet? Happ-e, Sleep-e, Grump-e, Dope-e and Sneez-e.
Internet Joke 117
Who is the most popular wizard on the Internet? Har e-potter.
Internet Joke 118
Who looks after the EuroDisney website? Mick e-mouse.
Internet Joke 119
Who writes all his plays on the Internet? Will-e. Shakespeare.
Internet Joke 120
Who’s the chief of the internet? E-ronimo!
Internet Joke 121
What do internet football fans sing? E we go E we go, E we go!