Telephone Joke 1
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail. Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!

Telephone Joke 2
What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck.

Telephone Joke 3
What do ghosts use to phone home? A terror-phone.

Telephone Joke 4
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I m a telephone. Doctor: Why’s that? I keep getting calls in the night.

Telephone Joke 5
At three o clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. “I m sorry if I woke you,” said a voice at the other end of the line. “That’s all right,” said the vet, “I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway.”

Telephone Joke 6
Why did the alien phone home on his mobile? Because it was so ET !

Telephone Joke 7
Who was that on the phone, Fred? Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

Telephone Joke 8
Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off? Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!

Telephone Joke 9
The new office-boy came into his boss’s office and said, “I think you re wanted on the phone, sir.” “What d you mean, you think?” demanded the boss. “Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?”

Telephone Joke 10
Mother: Why was the phone busy all night? Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

Telephone Joke 11
The phone in Rigby’s Georgia farmhouse rang one evening. When he answered, the operator said, “This is long distance from Chicago.” “I knowed it’s a long distance from Chicago!” answered the farmer. “How come you called to tell me that?”

Telephone Joke 12
Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. “What’s the matter?” asked Moody. “Are you in trouble?” “No!” said Crumm. “What do you want, then?” “Nothing!” “Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?” asked Moody. “Cause!” said the other redneck, “the rates is cheaper!”

Telephone Joke 13
Kelso met Hensley on the street. “Hey!” said Kelso, “how come I never hear from you? Why don’t you call me on the telephone?” “You ain’t got no tellyphone!” said Hensley. “I know,” said Kelso. “But you do!”

Telephone Joke 14
A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it. “Hi honey,” said the woman on the other end. “Hi honey,” replied the man. “I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today. It’s beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me. It’s on sale too, a real bargain. It’s down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get it?” The man thought about it for a sec and said, “You re sure it’s a good deal?” “Oh yes,” replied the woman. “Okay then, I guess you can get it,” replied the man. The woman continued,”Oh, and you know how we’ve been thinking about getting rid of the Lexus and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the dealership today and the guy gave me a real deal. He said he d lower the price from $50,000 to $35,000 just for me. Can I get it?” The man thought a little harder and said,”If you re sure it’s a good deal, then yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar.” The woman continued again. “Oh, one last thing, honey. Remember that house we saw last month that we really liked, but decided we d wait and think about? Well, it

Telephone Joke 15
Harry was madly in love with Betty, but couldn’t pluck up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he decided to ask her on the telephone. Darling! he blurted out, will you marry me? Of course, I will, you silly boy, she replied, who is it speaking?

Telephone Joke 16
How does a skeleton call her friends? On a telebone.

Telephone Joke 17
What asks no question but demands an answer? A doorbell or a ringing telephone.

Telephone Joke 18
What did the man say when he got a big phone bill? “Who said talk is cheap?”

Telephone Joke 19
Why is an engaged girl like a telephone? Because they both have rings.

Telephone Joke 20
If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get? Snappy talk.

Telephone Joke 21
If you cross a telephone and a pair of scissors, what do you get? Snippy answers.

Telephone Joke 22
What kind of phone makes music? A saxophone.

Telephone Joke 23
Why did the girl who worked for the telephone company sing all the time? Because she was an operetta (operator).

Telephone Joke 24
Who invented the telephone? The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

Telephone Joke 25
How do Iranians speak on the telephone? Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).

Telephone Joke 26
How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony !

Telephone Joke 27
What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !

Telephone Joke 28
What do you get if you cross a telephone and a marriage bureau ? A wedding ring !

Telephone Joke 29
What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone ? A lot of crackling on the line !

Telephone Joke 30
When doesn’t a telephone work underwater? When it’s wringing wet!

Telephone Joke 31
Caller: Operator! Operator! Do you know my boyfriend’s line has been busy for an hour? Operator: No, but if you hum a few bars, I might be able to sing along with you.

Telephone Joke 32
What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants? Bell-bottoms!

Telephone Joke 33
How can you tell if a bee is on the phone? You get a buzzy signal.

Telephone Joke 34
Party Host: Hello? Phone Caller: I m trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her? Party Host: I d be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?

Telephone Joke 35
Caller: Operator! Operator! Call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay. You re an ambulance!

Telephone Joke 36
Caller: Operator! Operator! I don’t know What’s wrong with my phone, but I can’t make long distance calls any longer! Operator: Don’t worry. Your long distance calls are long enough already!

Telephone Joke 37
Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn’t the police station. It’s the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!

Telephone Joke 38
What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster? A wake-up call!

Telephone Joke 39
What animals talk on the telephone the most? The yakety-yaks!

Telephone Joke 40
Caller: My goodness, Operator! Your nose is so stuffed up, I can’t understand you. You should really take something for that cold. Operator: Good idea. I ll take the rest of the day off!

Telephone Joke 41
What do you get if you cross a telephone with a fat football player? A wide receiver.

Telephone Joke 42
What do you get if you cross a telephone with a night crawler? Ringworm!

Telephone Joke 43
How do scaredy-cats answer the phone? Yellow?

Telephone Joke 44
How do, like, really laid-back types answer the phone? Mellow.

Telephone Joke 45
Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire? She wanted to lay it on the line!

Telephone Joke 46
How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub? They both have rings!

Telephone Joke 47
What did the answering machine say to the telephone? Take my word for it.

Telephone Joke 48
How does a cheerleader answer the phone? H-E-L-L-O!

Telephone Joke 49
How does a lobster answer the phone? Shello?

Telephone Joke 50
How does a door chime answer the phone? Bella?

Telephone Joke 51
How can you tell if someone Who’s just had a perm is on the phone? You get a frizzy signal!

Telephone Joke 52
How can you tell if someone Who’s having a temper tantrum is on the phone? You get a tizzy signal!

Telephone Joke 53
What happened to the little frog who sat on the telephone? He grew up to be a bellhop!

Telephone Joke 54
When does a horse talk on the phone? Whinny wants to!

Telephone Joke 55
How does a football player make phone calls? On a touch-down phone.

Telephone Joke 56
How does a baritone make phone calls? Song distance!

Telephone Joke 57
How does Ebenezer Scrooge make phone calls? Collect!

Telephone Joke 58
What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration? A party line!

Telephone Joke 59
What do you get if you cross a phone with a birthday celebration? A party line!

Telephone Joke 60
What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash? Tele-Scope.

Telephone Joke 61
A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. “Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?” asked the psychiatrist. “As a matter of fact, I do,” said the patient. “And when does this happen?” asked the psychiatrist. “Oh,” said the patient, “when I answer the telephone.”

Telephone Joke 62
What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you? A phone moan.

Telephone Joke 63
How does a baboon make phone calls? He just monkeys around on the line!

Telephone Joke 64
What do you get if you cross a telephone with an iron? A smooth operator!

Telephone Joke 65
What kind of music do phones love to hear? A symphony

Telephone Joke 66
How that we are engaged I hope you ll give me a ring. Of course. What’s your phone number ?

Telephone Joke 67
Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book? They all have phones.

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