Funny Weather Jokes

Funny Weather Jokes 1
It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.

Funny Weather Jokes 2
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the children have to play inside.

Funny Weather Jokes 3
Why do hurricanes travel so fast?
Because if they travelled slowly, we’d have to call them slow-i-canes.

Funny Weather Jokes 4
Jill: How did you find the weather on your vacation?
Bill: I just went outside and there it was!

Funny Weather Jokes 5
What is hail?
Hard boiled rain!

Weather Jokes

Funny Weather Jokes 6
There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.
It’s called Monday.

Funny Weather Jokes 7
Fred: I’m sure I’m right.
Betty: You’re as right as rain – all wet!

Funny Weather Jokes 8
Gosh, it’s raining cats and dogs, said Fred looking out of the kitchen window.
“I know,” said his mother. “I’ve just stepped in a poodle!”

Funny Weather Jokes 9
How did the hail stone describe it’s life?
It really has a lot of ups and downs

Funny Weather Jokes 10
What are the hottest days during summer?
Sun-days

Tornado Jokes

Tornado Jokes 1
Why do tornadoes move so erratically?
They are dizzy

Tornado Jokes 2
What is the most popular game played by tornadoes?
Catch my drift

Tornado Jokes 3
What game do tornadoes like to play?
Twister

Tornado Jokes 4
Why don’t tornadoes watch Bill O Reilly on FOXNEWS?
It is a no spin zone

Tornado Jokes 5
Why did the tornado get arrested?
For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder

Tornado Jokes 6
Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished?
In a high pressure cell

Tornado Jokes 7
What did one tornado say to the other?
“Let’s twist again, like we did last summer….”

Tornado Jokes 8
What did the tornado say to the car?
You wanna go for a spin?

Tornado Jokes 9
How can you tell if a tornado is stupid?
If it spins anti-cyclonically

Tornado Jokes 10
What is a tornado?
Mother nature doing the twist!

One Liner Weather Jokes

One Liner Weather Jokes 1
What’s the difference between weather and climate?
You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate!

One Liner Weather Jokes 2
What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?
You make my temperature rise.

One Liner Weather Jokes 3
Why were the vets and pounds mad?
It was raining cats and dogs

One Liner Weather Jokes 4
What’s the difference between a horse and the weather?
One is reined up and the other rains down.

One Liner Weather Jokes 5
How do sheep keep warm in winter?
Central bleating!

One Liner Weather Jokes 6
What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains?
The ocean

One Liner Weather Jokes 7
What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation?
I mist you.

One Liner Weather Jokes 8
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
An umbrella.

One Liner Weather Jokes 9
How do rain drops marry?
They coalesce

One Liner Weather Jokes 10
How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather?
He’s got bugs on his teeth.

Weather Jokes

Weather Jokes 1
Which weather features do druggies like most?
Highs

Weather Jokes 2
What did Santa Claus’s wife say during a thunderstorm?
Come and look at the rain, dear.

Weather Jokes 3
Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella?
Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

Weather Jokes 4
How did you find the weather at camp?
It was easy. I just went outside – and there it was!

Weather Jokes 5
What person adds best in hot weather?
A summer.

Weather Jokes 6
If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
Because it wasn’t raining.

Weather Jokes 7
Why is it so wet in Great Britain?
Because of all the kings and queens that reigned there.

Weather Jokes 8
What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?
A wet one.

Weather Jokes 9
If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning?
The conductor.

Weather Jokes 10
Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes?
The weatherman.

Funny Weather Forecasts

Funny Weather Forecast 1
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio.
“There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said.
“You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”

Ole said, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee.

The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee.
The weather forecast was, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.
You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.”

Again Ole replied, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they’re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…” and the power went out and Ole didn’t get the rest of the instructions.

He turned to Lena, “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?”

Lena replied, “Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage today.”

Funny Weather Forecast 2
Why can’t meteorologists forecast the weather?
They are too busy studying comets and meteors

Funny Weather Forecast 3
Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident, and called from the hospital about the fourcasts.

Best Weather Jokes

Best Weather Jokes 1
Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team will be called “Humidity” so that fans in Florida will be able to say, “It’s not the Heat that’s so bad, it’s the Humidity.”

Best Weather Jokes 2
Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain.
One looks skywards and says, “So this is England. What’s it like?”

The other snarls, “Well, if you like the weather, you’ll love the food.”

Best Weather Jokes 3
Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.

Best Weather Jokes 4
It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.

Best Weather Jokes 5
Where do wind gusts go to on dates?
To Chicago

Best Weather Jokes 6
What happens when the fog lifts in California?
UCLA.
Best Weather Jokes 7
Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio?
The nearest ISOBAR!!

Best Weather Jokes 8
How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Ranier, it’s going to rain. If not, it already is.

Best Weather Jokes 9
First cave man to 2nd cave man: “I don’t care what you say. We never had such unusual weather before they started using bows and arrows.”

Best Weather Jokes 10
A postcard home: The weather is here.
Wish you were beautiful.

Short Weather Jokes

Short Weather Jokes 1
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times.

Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it.

The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence across the North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea being, to stop that cold wind.

It might’ve worked, too.

The barbed wire they used was strong enough, .but the real problem was that a couple owners of farms on the upper boarder kept leaving their gates open.

Short Weather Jokes 2
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not.

Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.

Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is this winter to be cold?”

The man on the phone responded, “This winter was going to be quite cold indeed.”

So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again, “Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?”

“Yes”, the man replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.”

So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find.

Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: “Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely” the man replies, “the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”

Short Weather Jokes 3
A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft.
Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar.
After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal.

The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice.
Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar.
After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal.

Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks.
This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window.

Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane.
The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, “Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas”.

Short Weather Jokes 4
A man was driving a black truck.
His lights were not on.
The moon was not out.
A lady was crossing the street.
How did the man see her?
It was a bright, sunny day.

Short Weather Jokes 5
You’re hiking around on Hampstead Heath (a park near London) at the end of a long sunny day.
You run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund Hillary, who all give you directions to the nearest tube stop.

Whom don’t you believe?

Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a completely sunny day in England.

Short Weather Jokes 6
You never get anything right, complained the teacher.
What kind of job do you think you ll get when you leave school?
Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.

Short Weather Jokes 7
Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning.
In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor.

A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor.
The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt.

She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself.
“It was the most amazing thing … it was the most amazing thing.” she kept repeating dazedly.

“What was the most amazing thing, Ma am?” asked one of the rescuers.

“I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn’t suddenly drain away.”

Short Weather Jokes 8
The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border.
Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations.
Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter.
“I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States.
We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement.
What do you think?”

“What do I think?” his mother said.
“Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept!
I don’t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!”

Short Weather Jokes 9
A tornado walks into a bar and orders a Hurricane.
The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a tornado.
The tornado responds with, “I am a hurricane induced tornado”.

Hurricane Jokes

Hurricane Jokes 1
What do hurricanes most like to eat for dessert?
Candy Canes

Hurricane Jokes 2
How do hurricanes see?
With one eye

Hurricane Jokes 3
What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called?
Hurricanes with cataracts

Hurricane Jokes 4
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary breeze

Hurricane Jokes 5
What is a hurricane’s favorite pet?
Anywhere from 1 to 5 cats

Hurricane Jokes 6
What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
I have my eye on you.

Hurricane Jokes 7
I really don’t understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by Hurricane Andrew.
After all, both Florida and Louisiana have oil.

Hurricane Jokes 8
The U.S. has only three hurricane warning centers – Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI.
All three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month.
Which only goes to show: If you build it, they will come!

Funny Weather Reports

Funny Weather Report 1
What is a Mexican weather report?
Chilli today, hot tamale.

Funny Weather Report 2
If you are standing in the main street of Amsterdam, and can’t see the clock tower of the Central Railway Station, that means it is raining.
If you can see the clock tower, that means it is about to rain.

Funny Weather Report 3
A city boy was on his first camping trip.
He was eating his lunch under a tree when an old-timer came along.
It smells like rain, he said to the boy.
The city boy replied, They said it was lemonade.

Funny Weather Report 4
There was a communist named Rudolph.
One day he looked out the window and said, “It looks like a storm is coming.”

“No it isn’t,” said his wife.
“Besides, how would you know?”

“Because,” he responded, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Funny Weather Report 5
Nate: “Hey, What’s the weather like out there?”
Kate: “I don’t know. I’ll tell you when it clears.”

Bad Weather Jokes

Bad Weather Jokes 1
What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common?
Both are a glaze

Bad Weather Jokes 2
Why is the sky not happy on clear days?
It has the blues

Bad Weather Jokes 3
What do clouds want to be when they grow up?
Thunderstorms

Bad Weather Jokes 4
What type of sense of humor does rain have?
A very wet sense of humor

Bad Weather Jokes 5
Why did the weather want privacy?
It was changing

Bad Weather Jokes 6
What did the hail storm say to the roof?
Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles

Bad Weather Jokes 7
What type of sense of humor does a dust storm have?
A very dry sense of humor

Bad Weather Jokes 8
What cloud is so lazy because it will not get up?
Fog

Bad Weather Jokes 9
What type of wind is named after both a cat and a bat?
Katabatic

Bad Weather Jokes 10
What type of wind is named after Santa Claus’s warm climate cousin?
Santa Ana

Weather Joke

Weather Joke 1
What is the opposite of a cold front?
A warm back

Weather Joke 2
What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow?
Your pants are on backwards

Weather Joke 3
How did the rainbow know is was lost?
It was a clear day

Weather Joke 4
How is snow white?
Pretty good, according to the 7 dwarfs

Weather Joke 5
Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him?
To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail

Weather Joke 6
How is a hailstone like an onion?
They are both whitish and have layers

Weather Joke 7
What type of music do lightning bolts listen to?
Rock and Roll

Weather Joke 8
How easy is it for wind gusts to talk to each other?
It is a breeze

Weather Joke 9
In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil?
You are really blowing a lot of hot air

Weather Joke 10
How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt?
Thunderstruck

Weather Joke 11
Where do lightning bolts go on dates?
To cloud 9

Weather Joke 12
Why do raindrops like lightning at night?
So they can see where they are going

Weather Joke 13
What did the lightning bolt say to the old oak tree?
Hang onto your bark, this will be no ordinary spark

Weather Joke 14
Why did the updraft get pulled over?
It was speeding in a high shear zone

Weather Joke 15
What do lightning bolts do when they laugh?
They crack up

Weather Joke 16
Why was the lightning grilled on the stove?
To make heat lightning

Weather Joke 17
Why type of lightning likes to play sports?
Ball lightning

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