Weather Joke 1
You re hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund Hillary, who all give you directions to the nearest tube stop. Whom don’t you believe? Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a completely sunny day in England.

Weather Joke 2
Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ? Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

Weather Joke 3
You never get anything right, complained the teacher. What kind of job do you think you ll get when you leave school ? Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.

Weather Joke 4
What did Santa Claus’s wife say during a thunderstorm? Come and look at the rain, dear.

Weather Joke 5
How do sheep keep warm in winter ? Central bleating !

Weather Joke 6
How did you find the weather at camp? It was easy. I just went outside – and there it was!

Weather Joke 7
A city boy was on his first camping trip. He was eating his lunch under a tree when an old-timer came along. It smells like rain, he said to the boy. The city boy replied, They said it was lemonade.

Weather Joke 8
A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright, sunny day.

Weather Joke 9
If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet? Because it wasn’t raining.

Weather Joke 10
What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains? The ocean

Weather Joke 11
What is a Mexican weather report? Chilli today, hot tamale.

Weather Joke 12
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather? An umbrella.

Weather Joke 13
Why is it so wet in Great Britain? Because of all the kings and queens that reigned (rained) there.

Weather Joke 14
What person adds best in hot weather? A summer.

Weather Joke 15
What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day? A wet one.

Weather Joke 16
If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning? The conductor.

Weather Joke 17
Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes? The weatherman.

Weather Joke 18
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside.

Weather Joke 19
Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they travelled slowly, we d have to call them slow-i-canes.

Weather Joke 20
What is a tornado ? Mother nature doing the twist !

Weather Joke 21
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. “There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.” Ole said, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.” Again Ole replied, “Jeez, okay,” and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, “There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the…” and the power went out and Ole didn’t get the rest of the instructions. He turned to Lena, “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?” Lena replied, “Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the damned garage today.”

Weather Joke 22
Gosh, it’’s raining cats and dogs, said Fred looking out of the kitchen window. “I know,” said his mother. “I’ve just stepped in a poodle!”

Weather Joke 23
Fred: I m sure I m right. Betty: You re as right as rain – all wet!

Weather Joke 24
There was a communist named Rudolph. One day he looked out the window and said, “It looks like a storm is coming.” “No it isn t,” said his wife. “Besides, how would you know?” “Because,” he responded, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

Weather Joke 25
Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain. One looks skywards and says, “So this is England. What’s it like?” The other snarls, “Well, if you like the weather, you ll love the food.”

Weather Joke 26
A postcard home: The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

Weather Joke 27
There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.

Weather Joke 28
Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather.

Weather Joke 29
Nate: “Hey, What’s the weather like out there?” Kate: “I don’t know. I ll tell you when it clears.”

Weather Joke 30
First cave man to 2nd cave man: “I don’t care what you say. We never had such unusual weather before they started using bows and arrows.”

Weather Joke 31
How to predict weather in Seattle: If you can see Mt Ranier, it’s going to rain. If not, it already is.

Weather Joke 32
What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA.

Weather Joke 33
It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.

Weather Joke 34
I really don’t understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by Hurricane Andrew. After all, both Florida and Louisiana have oil.

Weather Joke 35
The U.S. has only three hurricane warning centers – Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI (recently completed). All three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month. Which only goes to show: If you build it, they will come!

Weather Joke 36
Where do wind gusts go to on dates? -To Chicago

Weather Joke 37
What do clouds want to be when they grow up? -Thunderstorms

Weather Joke 38
In the summer desert heat, what did a dust devil say to the over-talkative dust devil? -You are really blowing a lot of hot air

Weather Joke 39
A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal. The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal. Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window. Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, “Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas”.

Weather Joke 40
Why did the tornado get arrested? -For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder

Weather Joke 41
Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished? -In a high pressure cell

Weather Joke 42
Why can’t meteorologists forecast the weather? -They are too busy studying comets and meteors

Weather Joke 43
How easy is it for wind gusts to talk to each other? -It is a breeze

Weather Joke 44
What type of music do lightning bolts listen to? -Rock and Roll

Weather Joke 45
Why do tornadoes move so erratically? -They are dizzy

Weather Joke 46
How is a hailstone like an onion? -They are both whitish and have layers

Weather Joke 47
Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him? -To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail

Weather Joke 48
How is snow white? -Pretty good, according to the 7 dwarfs

Weather Joke 49
What is the opposite of a cold front? -A warm back

Weather Joke 50
What do hurricanes most like to eat for dessert? -Candy Canes

Weather Joke 51
What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow? -Your pants are on backwards

Weather Joke 52
How did the rainbow know is was lost? -It was a clear day

Weather Joke 53
Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun? -It burns too easily

Weather Joke 54
Why don’t tornadoes watch Bill O Reilly on FOXNEWS? -It is a no spin zone

Weather Joke 55
A tornado walks into a bar and orders a Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a tornado. The tornado responds with, “I am a hurricane induced tornado”.

Weather Joke 56
Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team will be called “Humidity” so that fans in Florida will be able to say, “It’s not the Heat that’s so bad, it’s the Humidity.”

Weather Joke 57
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is this winter to be cold?” The man on the phone responded, “This winter was going to be quite cold indeed.” So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, “Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?” “Yes”, the man replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.” So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: “Are you absol utely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?” “Absolutely” the man replies, “the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!”

Weather Joke 58
What is the most popular game played by tornadoes? -Catch my drift

Weather Joke 59
What is the most popular sport played by raindrops and hail stones? -Diving

Weather Joke 60
Where do lightning bolts go on dates? -To cloud 9

Weather Joke 61
What type of sense of humor does rain have? -A very wet sense of humor

Weather Joke 62
What type of sense of humor does a dust storm have? -A very dry sense of humor

Weather Joke 63
Why did the weather want privacy? -It was changing

Weather Joke 64
Why do raindrops like lightning at night? -So they can see where they are going

Weather Joke 65
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? -Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary breeze

Weather Joke 66
What did the lightning bolt say to the old oak tree? -Hang onto your bark, this will be no ordinary spark

Weather Joke 67
What did the hail storm say to the roof? -Hang onto your shingles, this will be no ordinary sprinkles

Weather Joke 68
How do hurricanes see? -With one eye

Weather Joke 69
What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called? -Hurricanes with cataracts

Weather Joke 70
Why did the updraft get pulled over? -It was speeding in a high shear zone

Weather Joke 71
What do lightning bolts do when they laugh? -They crack up

Weather Joke 72
What is a hurricane’s favorite pet? -Anywhere from 1 to 5 cats

Weather Joke 73
What game do tornadoes like to play? -Twister

Weather Joke 74
How did the hail stone describe it’s life? -It really has a lot of ups and downs

Weather Joke 75
How do rain drops marry? -They coalesce

Weather Joke 76
Why was the lightning grilled on the stove? -To make heat lightning

Weather Joke 77
Why type of lightning likes to play sports? -Ball lightning

Weather Joke 78
What cloud is so lazy because it will not get up? -Fog

Weather Joke 79
How can you tell if a tornado is stupid? -If it spins anti-cyclonically

Weather Joke 80
What type of wind is named after both a cat and a bat? Katabatic

Weather Joke 81
What type of wind is named after Santa Claus’s warm climate cousin? Santa Ana

Weather Joke 82
What type of wind is named after a young deer? Foehn

Weather Joke 83
How does a male lightning bolt feel when he notices an attractive female lightning bolt? Thunderstruck

Weather Joke 84
Why is the sky not happy on clear days? It has the blues

Weather Joke 85
Which weather features do druggies like most? Highs

Weather Joke 86
What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common? Both are a glaze

Weather Joke 87
Why were the vets and pounds mad? It was raining cats and dogs

Weather Joke 88
Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one case, a house was completely whisked away, leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left above the floor. The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking to herself. “It was the most amazing thing … it was the most amazing thing.” she kept repeating dazedly. “What was the most amazing thing, Ma am?” asked one of the rescuers. “I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and all I did was pull the plug and dog-gone-it if the whole house didn’t suddenly drain away.”

Weather Joke 89
Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio? The nearest ISOBAR!!

Weather Joke 90
The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren. One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. “I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?” “What do I think?” his mother said. “Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!”

Weather Joke 91
Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He’s got bugs on his teeth.

Weather Joke 92
If you are standing in the main street of Amsterdam, and can’t see the clock tower of the Central Railway Station, that means it is raining. If you can see the clock tower, that means it is about to rain.

Weather Joke 93
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it. The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence across the North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea being, to stop that cold wind. It might’ve worked, too. The barbed wire they used was strong enough, .but the real problem was that a couple owners of farms on the upper boarder kept leaving their gates open.

Weather Joke 94
During the month of June and July. Here in the panhandle it got pretty hot in this area. In Fact people were even overworking in the heat. So one day I was working outside in the heat and then i thought i better get inside. My Boss asked me where i was going and i told him i am going inside to cool down . He said that i better get back to work. I said i cant, he said how come.? Because it is so hot out here that i have to go inside to change my mind.

Weather Joke 95
Recently during the heavy rains they have experienced in New England the mail carrier for one neighborhood commeneted on the “pouring rain.” Well , atleast the dew point is coming down!

Weather Joke 96
There is a Shreveport cable TV channel that broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of the NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he should go into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would sometimes watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just for fun.

Weather Joke 97
Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident, and called from the hospital about the four casts.

Weather Joke 98
Q. What did one tornado say to the other? A. “Let’s twist again, like we did last summer….”

Weather Joke 99
Q. What’s the difference between weather and climate ? A. You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate !

Weather Joke 100
Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise.

Weather Joke 101
Q: What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane? A: I have my eye on you.

Weather Joke 102
Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

Weather Joke 103
Jill: How did you find the weather on your vacation? Bill: I just went outside and there it was!

Weather Joke 104
It only rains twice a year in Seattle: August through April and May through July.

Weather Joke 105
What is hail ? Hard boiled rain !

Weather Joke 106
Q:What did the tornado say to the car? A:( You wanna go for a spin? )

Weather Joke 107
What are the hottest days during summer? Sun-days

Weather Joke 108
Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you.