Thousands of really hilarious jokes
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man...
My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill."Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price...
I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot...
On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced...
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is...
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, "When I die,...
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States Congressman!" The thief said,...
Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors." This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based...
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money.""Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?""Because my daddy says you're one of the...
Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow...
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