Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio, to Washington, DC.A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each grandson a bag.The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into
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The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, “Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?”This didn’t sound anything like my name, so I asked, “Who is calling?”The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something
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Why did God give women arms? Do you have any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
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Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1 hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said “I heard Dallas was a big airport and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”
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- Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.- One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.- The nice part about living in a small town
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A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale. The driver pleaded with him, “Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Sir,” the officer replies, “You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous.” “I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!” the old man said. The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that “22″ was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error. “But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken.” “Oh, they'll be all right in a minute,” the old man said. “We just got off Route 119.”
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. “Throw out
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Young Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk.Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, “So, what was wrong?”He replied, “It was an ID Ten T Error.”A puzzled expression came
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A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. “Do you love her?”The old man replied, “I guess.”"Is she a good Jewish woman?”"I don’t know for sure,” the
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Yo mama's so dirty, the U.S. Army wants to use her bath water as a biological weapon.
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Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.Rather
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A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he’d enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, “You know, it’s been over five years since I first came in here.”"I’m sorry, but you’
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