Funny Jokes

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it”’’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

The Three Stars

One day Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Pierce Brosnan were in a jungle in order to take some shots for a new movie. Unfortunately, they were caught by a tribal group. As they were about to be executed they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for her mercy. She said, ”Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.” The three stars agreed. Then went into the jungle to look for some food
Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo Who?
I didn’t wan’t to make you cry.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Yo momma.
Yo momma, who?
Seriously, it’s yo momma, open the damned door!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Mary Lee.
Mary lee who?
Mary Lee we roll along.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Chimney.
Chimney who?
Chimney cricket! Have you seen Pinocchio?

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Madam!
Madam who?
Madam foot is caught in the door!

Avg rating: 3.5

Comment:First in a large collection of Free Funny Knock Knock Jokes. More Knocking to come later.

A Amish boy and his pa were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again, like by magic.
The lad asked, “What is this, pa?”

The father (having never seen an lift) responded, “I have no idea.”

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

A new collection of free funny Yo Mamas….. so fat jokes to chuckle over.

Yo Mama’s So Fat Joke 1
Yo mama is so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale.

Yo Mama’s So Fat Joke 2
Yo Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a species will be extinct.

Yo Mama’s So Fat Joke 3
Yo Mama is so fat, the highway patrol made her wear ”Caution! Wide Turns!”

Yo Mama’s So Fat Joke 4
Yo’ mama is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

The first set of free funny Yo Mamas….. stupid jokes.

Yo’ Mama is so stupid, she bought a video tape on how to fix your VCR

Yo mama’s so dumb, she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was ma-kin’ a booty call.

Yo mama is so stupid, she has a glass door with a peep hole

Yo mama is so stupid, she traded in her car for gas money.

Yo mama is so stupid that she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo mama’s so stupid that she jumped off a cliff and stopped for directions.

Yo mama is so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee.

One of the guys says, “I’m so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he’s made enough that he just gave away a huge portfolio.”

The next guy said, “I’m so proud of my son. He’s a car dealer and he’s doing so well, he just gave away a Ferrari.”

The third guy says, “I’m so proud of my son. He’s got enough money that he just gave away a million-dollar home.”

Just as the third guy finishes talking, the fourth guy joins them and asks, “What are you guys talking about?’

A couple were driving to a church to get married. On the way, they got into a car accident and died. When they arrive in heaven, they see St. Peter at the gate. They ask him if he could arrange it so they could marry in heaven.
St. Peter tells them that he’ll do his best to work on it for them.

Three months pass by and the couple hear nothing. They bump into St. Peter and ask him about the marriage.

He says, “I’m still working on it.”

Two years pass by and no marriage.

St. Peter again assures them that he’s working on it.

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it’s possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Rating: 3.8/5
Comment: A free funny lawyer joke regally posted on newsgroups, and a true lawyer story. A must read funny free joke for anybody who has had to deal with a stupid lawyer.

A case of quality not quantity with these free funny lawyer jokes, these are all to small to be put into their own topic.

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A man walks into a bar and he’s really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is, “All lawyers are assholes.”
A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take offense to that!”

The pissed-off guy asks him, “Why? Are you a lawyer?”

He replies, “No, I’m an asshole.”

Rating 4/5
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Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died?
He was looking for loopholes!