Funny Jokes

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.
The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?”

“Phew, that one’s easy,” says the teacher, “The Titanic.”

“Alright,” said St.Peter, “you may pass.”

Then thief went second: “How many died on the Titanic?”

The thief replied, “That’s a tough question, but luckily I just saw the movie. The answer is 1283 people.” And so he passed through.

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver’s side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

The fourth part in the free, funny, Doctor Doctor jokes collection.

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Doctor, Doctor I think I’m a bell?
Take these and if it doesn’t help give me a ring!

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Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don’t talk rubbish!

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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I’ll deal with you later.

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Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!

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Rating: 3.2/5
Comment: This is the fourth in the collection of free funny doctor doctor jokes, more to come later as always.

Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

Men concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. Only the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you spend half your paycheck on accessories for it.

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them — with a priest in the truck, he’d have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.

A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a “BOOM!” The driver looks over at the priest, who says, “Don’t worry — I got him with the door

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?”

“Ten,” she replied.

“What are their names?” he asked.

“David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David,” she answered.

“They’re all named David?” he asked “What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just call ‘David,’ and they all come running in.”

“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”

“I just say, ‘David, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.

The third collection of free funny Doctor Doctor jokes.

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Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil till I get there

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Doctor these pills you gave me for BO…
What’s wrong with them?
They keep slipping out from under my arms!

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Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon!
Well sit still and don’t stir!

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Doctor, Doctor I’m on a diet and it’s making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that’s a lot of calories!

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Rating:4.2/5
Comment: The third page of an on going colletion of very funny free Doctor Doctor jokes.

Rowing Your Boat

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”

To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

Rating:4.6/5

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A variation of this shown below.

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Blonde in a boat.

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.

Some more free Doctor Doctor jokes to make you laugh.

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Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
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Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I’m a bee
Buzz off can’t you see I’m busy?
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Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon out?
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Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she’s invisible!
What sister?
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Rating:4/5
Comment: Lot more free, funny, Doctor doctor jokes to come later.

The first set of many Doctor Doctor jokes.

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

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Doctor Doctor I think I’m a moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the window…!

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Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!

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Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
Don’t worry it’s just a chain reaction!

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Rating: 3.7
Comment: More of these to come!

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art: Any computer you can’t afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G3: Apple’s new Macs that make you say ‘Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.’

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”

Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.

GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced ‘gooey’)