Funny Jokes

A whole bunch of “you might be an redneck” jokes

You might be a redneck if you don’t get these redneck jokes

You might be a redneck if you think “wind sprints” means running from a fart.

You might be an redneck if the last thing you say is “Hey! Watch this…”

You might be a redneck if your baby’s first words were, “Attention, K-mart shoppers.”

You know you married a redneck when she fills out her family reunion name tag, “Four for a Dollar.”

You might be a redneck if you like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk!

One day this cop pulls over a dumb blonde for speeding.

The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.

”You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.”

Rating: 4/5
Comment: Wouldn’t be surprised if a blondie didn’t know what a driving licence is for.

Some more quick Dumb Blonde jokes to make you laugh.

Dumb Blonde Title: Adventures in Disneyland
Rating: 4/5

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: “Disneyland Left.”
So they went home.

Dumb Blonde Title: Confusing Blonde
Rating: 4/5

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.

Q: How does a blonde confuse you?
A: She comes out and says she did.

Dumb Blonde Title: 911
Rating: 3.8/5

Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
She can’t find the eleven.

Here’s a few Dumb Blondes Following Instructions Jokes, showing when blondes follow instructions to the key.

Dumb Blondes Joke Title: Blonde and the Bottle Cap
Rating: 4.6/5

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
A: Because it said, ”Sorry, try again.”

Dumb Blondes Joke Title: Blonderrific Hair!
Rating: 4.5/5

Why did the blonde run out of shampoo?
She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!

Dumb Blondes Joke Title: Blonde Puzzle
Rating: 4.5/5

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said “From 2-4 years.”

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.

“Did you see their face?” her friends asked when she came back inside.

“No, but it’s okay — I got the license plate number!”

Rating: 4.1
Comment: Seems like the silly thing a blonde would do, follow the advice of the police to the letter and grab her own licence plate number. Though in the real world this would have come in handy for the police to track the car down.

http://www.thejakartapost.com/detaillgen.asp?fileid=20060515193820&irec=0

MOUNT MERAPI, Central Java (AP): As thousands of people flee Indonesia’s erupting Mount Merapi, the 80-year-old man entrusted by Javanese royalty to watch over the volcano’s spirits is going nowhere — and insists the mountain is safe.

“There is no risk,” Maridjan said outside his home just six kilometers from the crater, which was billowing ash and searing hot gas clouds Monday. “I am still waiting here.”
…

He leads yearly ceremonies when rice and flowers are thrown into the crater to appease spirits that he and most other nearby villagers believe live over the mountain, which rises from the heart of Indonesia’s mystical island of Java.
…

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.

The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?”

The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!”

The cop looked at her and said, “Lady, that’s your air freshener!”

Rating: 4.6/5
Comment: A funny joke to anybody who’s ever been behind a bad blonde driver for a large stretch of road, or know a blonde who is that short sighted.

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Termination without Cause.”

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

“Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?”

“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”

Two dumb blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.

Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other dumb blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,

“HURRY, HURRY, IT’S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!”

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ”I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?”
”Why sure,” said the manager, ”we have something that works especially well for that.”

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ”No, no! A little to the left,” said the other blonde inside the car.

Rating: 4.3
Comment: This unique joke just shows that even if two blondes are working on an situation, the solution still isn’t any smarter.