Funny Jokes

A dumb blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The dumb blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don’t want to ruin it.

So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don’t want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don’t want to ruin them!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.’

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

Please add your funny picture caption below.

Funny Computer Joke 1
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?

Funny Computer Joke 2
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981

Funny Computer Joke 3
11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.

Funny Computer Joke 4
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2 (especially with the old Pentium chip).

Funny Computer Joke 5
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!

Funny Computer Joke 6
A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.

Funny Computer Joke 7
A mainframe: the biggest PC peripheral available.

Funny Computer Joke 8
Access denied–nah nah na nah nah!

Please add your funny picture caption below.

Funny Emo Joke 1
An emo kid, a Jew, a Mexican, and a black guy jump off a building, who wins? Society.

Funny Emo Joke 2
Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!

Funny Emo Joke 3
Drive an emo insane: Put ‘em in a round room and tell them to go cry in the corner.

Funny Emo Joke 4
Emo is to music as Terrorism is to society.

Funny Emo Joke 5
Emo’s aren’t food products.. So DONT friggin label em’

Funny Emo Joke 6
How can you tell it’s an emo guy hitting on you and not a regular dude? Instead of asking for your phone number, he asks for your poetry blog.

Waiter Waiter Joke 1
Waiter, waiter! Bring me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy!.

Waiter Waiter Joke 2
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.
“Oh I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

A few not so politically correct Michael Jackson Jokes. I wasn’t sure if to put this under the Black Jokes
or White Jokes section, what do you think

Michael Jackson Joke 01
Bubbles the chimp will be happy Michael Jackson died, his ass won’t be red like a baboons anymore!

Michael Jackson Joke 02
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning, he ate 12 year old nuts and a 13 year old wiener

Michael Jackson Joke 03
Farrah fawcet died and went to heaven. God gave her one wish. She wished all the children in the world would be safe, so God killed Micheal Jackson.

My wife was shopping at laredoute.co.uk and under the t-shirt section she came across a little bug.

On this page

laredoute.co.uk/clothing/Short-sleeved-T-shirts.aspx?CategoryId=17512698&&&Path=17512698%2f17513229%2f17513242&ChmCatId=17513242&Selected=5

there’s a top “LE COQ SPORTIF 2 in 1 T-shirt” advertised at £47.96.

When you hover over the image a pop up window appears with further information, sometimes (you have to keep moving on and off the main image) it shows the information in the image below-

I’ve heard about inflation, but that’s ridiculous for a so called 15% discount

Looks like there’s a bug in their shopping cart software.

Christian Joke 1
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

Christian Joke 2
A forbidden fruit will create many jams.

Christian Joke 3
Come in and have your faith lifted.

Christian Joke 4
Give God what’s right — not what’s left.

Christian Joke 5
God answers Knee-Mail.

Christian Joke 6
God didn’t promise a calm passage. He promised a safe landing.

Christian Joke 7
God doesn’t grade on the curve, He grades on the cross.

Christian Joke 8
God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. A Honda. The apostles were all in one Accord. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.

Jesus Joke 01
Jesus was a Californian: He walked around bare foot. He never cut His hair. He started a new religion.

Jesus Joke 02
Jesus was a woman: He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of guys who just didn’t get it. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food. Even after He died, He had to get up because there was work to do.

Jesus Joke 03
Jesus was Black: He liked Gospel. He called everyone brother. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

Jesus Joke 04
Jesus was Irish: He was always telling stories. He loved green pastures. He never got married.

God is like A Ford: He’s got a better idea.

God is like Alberto Vo-5: He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like Alka-Seltzer: Try him, you’ll like Him

God is like Allstate: You’re in good hands.

God is like Bayer Asprin: He works miracles.

God is like Coke: He’s the real thing.

God is like Delta: He’s ready when you are.

God is like Dial Soap: Aren’t you glad you’ve got Him? Don’t you wish everybody did?

God is like General Electric: He brings good things to life.

God is like Hallmark Cards: He cared enough to send the very best.