Funny Jokes

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo Who?
I didn’t wan’t to make you cry.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Yo momma.
Yo momma, who?
Seriously, it’s yo momma, open the damned door!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Mary Lee.
Mary lee who?
Mary Lee we roll along.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Chimney.
Chimney who?
Chimney cricket! Have you seen Pinocchio?

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Madam!
Madam who?
Madam foot is caught in the door!

Avg rating: 3.5

Comment:First in a large collection of Free Funny Knock Knock Jokes. More Knocking to come later.

Please add your funny picture caption below.

A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him. He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.

“But you don't understand!” he cries, “You can't do this to me! I'm an editor for the New Yorker magazine!”

“Ah,” replies the tribesman, “Well now you are editor-in-chief!”

A dumb fat blonde read an article on the dangers of eating too much fat and drinking too much booze and it scared the heck out of her!

The fat blonde decided, “That’s it!”

After today, no more reading.

The first set of many Doctor Doctor jokes.

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

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Doctor Doctor I think I’m a moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the window…!

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Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!

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Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
Don’t worry it’s just a chain reaction!

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Rating: 3.7
Comment: More of these to come!

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the alphabet. His teacher knew that he had an ''advanced'' vocabulary for his age, so she was trying to avoid calling on him.

When the teacher asked for a word beginning with “A”, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher knew he would say “ass” so she called on Mary Lou, who said ''apple”.

This continued through most of the alphabet, because his teacher knew that there was a cuss word that Johnny would say for every letter of the alphabet.

Then she got to ''R''. She thought for a moment, but couldn't think of any cuss words that began with R, so she called on Johnny.

Chuck Norris Joke 1
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris Joke 2
Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris Joke 3
Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

Chuck Norris Joke 4
Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.

Chuck Norris Joke 5
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris Joke 6
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner – so she went looking for it.

The Three Stars

One day Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Pierce Brosnan were in a jungle in order to take some shots for a new movie. Unfortunately, they were caught by a tribal group. As they were about to be executed they pleaded to the Queen of the Tribe for her mercy. She said, ”Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed.” The three stars agreed. Then went into the jungle to look for some food
Spielberg was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving a screaming Spielberg.

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ”I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?”
”Why sure,” said the manager, ”we have something that works especially well for that.”

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ”No, no! A little to the left,” said the other blonde inside the car.

Rating: 4.3
Comment: This unique joke just shows that even if two blondes are working on an situation, the solution still isn’t any smarter.

Shopping for a black cotton sweater, I couldn’t find anything suitable in a trendy Berkeley clothing store. A helpful saleswoman offered to check the store catalogue for a suitable black sweater.

After flipping through the pages, she looked up in consternation. “Mark,” she called to her co-worker, “what are we calling black this year?”

Please don’t make black racist comments on this joke, there’s a racist black jokes page at: Black Jokes One Liners

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See those, baby?? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She is aching for action at this point.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”? She begins to drool.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.