Free Funny Jokes Blog

A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man’s trouser leg.

The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit, which he fed to the dog.

A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, “You shouldn’t do that. He’ll never

Read in full at Misbehaving Guide Dog

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A guy wanders into a pub one evening followed by a giraffe. They sit down, and over a number of hours get extremely drunk. As the bar is shutting, the man goes to leave.

The man behing the bar yells “Oi mate. You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

The drunk turns around and says, “Oi mate, it isnt

Read in full at Giraffe In A Pub

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A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says “I want you to see this.”

Read in full at Proving a point

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The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it.

“It’s great,” Tommy said. “I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad…”

Read in full at Just Moved In

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There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

“Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the

Read in full at Problem Solving

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A man went to see his doctor.

“You need to stop masturbating,” the doctor said.

The man asked, “Why?”

The doctor replied, “Because I'm trying to examine you!”

Read in full at Don\’t Question Your Health Care Professionals

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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I had a DREADFUL fight!”"Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!”"I know, I know!” said Joanna. “But what am I

Read in full at A Dreadful Fight

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How many emos does it take to microwave a mama’s burrito?

Answer: 4.

One to cry about it on LiveJournal.

One to make a Facebook about it.

One to take a picture of them taking a picture of themselves in a mirror and post it on LiveJournal and Facebook.

The other to make the mexican burrito.

Read in full at Emo Burrito

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The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.

The first one out the door at 2:00 o’clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.

Once

Read in full at Pub Stakeout

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- Are you a surgeon? Cause you’ve just taken my heart away!

- Excuse me, but I think I dropped something … My Jaw !!!

- If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.

- When God made you, he was showing off

- It’s not my fault I fell in love.

Read in full at Cheesy Pick Up Lines

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A man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store. The man said to the judge, “Your Honor, I’m a Christian. I’ve become a new man. But I have and old nature also. It was not my new man who did wrong. It was my old man.”

The judge responded, “Since it was the old man that broke the law,

Read in full at Old Me

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Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to
eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their

Read in full at Sandwiches

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