Thousands of really hilarious jokes
A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you...
A man went to see his doctor. "You need to stop masturbating," the doctor said. The man asked, "Why?" The doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"...
- Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.- There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory....
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you,...
Cabbage always has a heart; Green beans string along.You're such a Tomato,Will you Peas to me belong?You've been the Apple of my eye,You know how much I care;So Lettuce get together,We'd make a perfect Pear.Now,...
- If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.- If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad...
The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school. - My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. - Please excuse...
Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're planning to kill anyway, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun? I also think about the death...
Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants.As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said,...
I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I...
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