Adult jokes, not suitable for young children.

Adult Joke 1
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A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.

A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, “Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?”

The wife replies, “Cut it off and shove it up his arse!”

The undertaker does as he is told.

On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, “It fucking hurts doesn’t it!”

Please comment on this adult joke below or if you know a better adult joke please post it.

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Adult Joke 2
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A woman starts dating a doctor.

Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do.

About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman, “I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.”

“Do you think it will work?” she asks.

“It’s worth a try.” he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.

After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going to believe this.”.

“What?” asks the priest, “what happened?”.

“You gave birth to a child!”.

“But that’s impossible!” says the priest.

“I just did the operation,” insists the doctor, “it’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.”

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, “Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.”

The son says, “What do you mean, you’re not my father?”

The priest replies, “I am your mother, the archbishop is your father.”

Please comment on this adult joke below or if you know a better adult joke please post it.

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Adult Joke 3
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A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.

When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.

The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month.

A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie.

With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.

The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog.

After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, “I’m only here to listen to the music.”

“Yeah?” replied the man. “We’re only here to see our dog.”

Please comment on this adult joke below or if you know a better adult joke please post it.

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