Bird Joke 1
A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot “Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or I ll break your neck, do you understand?” The parrot reluctantly agrees. On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they can’t get the case closed. “Get on top and sit on it baby!” Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but can’t shut the case. “You get on top baby it might be better” Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case. After a little thought the man says “Ok we ll both get on top see if that’s any better!” The parrot turns round and says “Neck or no neck I have to see this!”
Bird Joke 2
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said: “I m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiven ess. I will try to correct my behavior.” David was astounded at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued: “May I ask what the chicken did?”
Bird Joke 3
Q: Why do hens lay eggs? A: If they dropped them, they d break
Bird Joke 4
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
Bird Joke 5
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Bird Joke 6
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road? A: To get to the chick across the street!
Bird Joke 7
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: “Jesus is watching you!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?” “Yes”, said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: “What’s your name?” “Clarence,” said the bird. “That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?” The parrot said, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.”
Bird Joke 8
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Bird Joke 9
What do you get if you cross a nun and a chicken? A pecking order.
Bird Joke 10
What’s brown and white and flies all over? Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chain saw!
Bird Joke 11
What is a polygon ? A dead parrot !
Bird Joke 12
What birds spend all their time on their knees ? Birds of prey !
Bird Joke 13
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ? A headbanger !
Bird Joke 14
When is the best time to buy budgies ? When they re going cheap !
Bird Joke 15
How do you get a cut-price parrot ? Plant bird seed !
Bird Joke 16
Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ? Because they re both full of stuffing !
Bird Joke 17
What do you call a very rude bird ? A mockingbird !
Bird Joke 18
Where do birds meet for coffee ? In a nest-cafe !
Bird Joke 19
How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ? With it’s sparrowchute !
Bird Joke 20
What is green and pecks on trees ? Woody Wood Pickle !
Bird Joke 21
What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ? Fowl play !
Bird Joke 22
Which bird is always out of breath ? A puffin !
Bird Joke 23
What’s got six legs and can fly long distances ? Three swallows !
Bird Joke 24
Why did the owl, owl ? Because the woodpecker would peck er !
Bird Joke 25
What do you call a crate of ducks ? A box of quackers !
Bird Joke 26
What language do birds speak ? Pigeon English !
Bird Joke 27
How do you get a parrot to talk properly ? Send him to polytechnic !
Bird Joke 28
What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework ? A firequaker !
Bird Joke 29
What is a parrot’s favorite game ? Hide and Speak !
Bird Joke 30
What do you call a Scottish parrot ? A Macaw !
Bird Joke 31
What do parrots eat ? Polyfilla !
Bird Joke 32
What do you give a sick bird ? Tweetment !
Bird Joke 33
What bird tastes just like butter ? A stork !
Bird Joke 34
What’s another name for a clever duck ? A wise quacker !
Bird Joke 35
What do owls sing when it is raining ? Too wet to woo !
Bird Joke 36
What flies through the jungle singing opera ? The parrots of Penzance !
Bird Joke 37
What kind of bird opens doors ? A kiwi !
Bird Joke 38
What is a duck’s favorite TV show ? The feather forecast !
Bird Joke 39
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ? A bird that will talk you ear off !
Bird Joke 40
What do you call a bird that lives underground ? A mynah bird !
Bird Joke 41
Where do birds invest their money ? In the stork market !
Bird Joke 42
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker ? A bird that talks in morse code !
Bird Joke 43
What happens when ducks fly upside down ? They quack up !
Bird Joke 44
What happened when the owl lost his voice ? He didn’t give a hoot !
Bird Joke 45
What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon ? A bird who knocks before delivering its message !
Bird Joke 46
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede ? A great walkie-talkie !
Bird Joke 47
What do you get if your budgie flies into the blender ? Shredded Tweet !
Bird Joke 48
What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish ? Tweetie Pie !
Bird Joke 49
What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ? Jail-birds !
Bird Joke 50
Why did the parrot wear a raincoat ? Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated !
Bird Joke 51
What is the definition of Robin ? A bird who steals !
Bird Joke 52
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ? He heard the referee calling fowls
Bird Joke 53
Why did the turkey cross the road ? To prove he wasn’t chicken
Bird Joke 54
Why didn’t the chicken skeleton cross the road ? Because he didn’t have enough guts
Bird Joke 55
Why did the chicken cross the playground ? To get to the other slide
Bird Joke 56
Why did the chicken cross the “net” ? It wanted to get to the other site !
Bird Joke 57
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning ? An alarm cluck !
Bird Joke 58
Why does a chicken coop have two doors ? Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
Bird Joke 59
How long do chickens work ? Around the cluck !
Bird Joke 60
Why did the chicken end up in the soup ? Because it ran out of cluck !
Bird Joke 61
What do you call a crazy chicken ? A cuckoo cluck !
Bird Joke 62
What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way ? She was tickled to death !
Bird Joke 63
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck? A bird that lays down !
Bird Joke 64
Why don’t chickens like people ? They beat eggs !
Bird Joke 65
Why is it easy for chicks to talk ? Because talk is cheep !
Bird Joke 66
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder ? She lays hand gren-eggs !
Bird Joke 67
What happened when the chicken ate cement ? She laid a sidewalk !
Bird Joke 68
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken ? She kicked the bucket !
Bird Joke 69
Why did the chicken cross the road half way ? He wanted to lay it on the line !
Bird Joke 70
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon? They go on peck-nics !
Bird Joke 71
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ? “You scratch my beak and I ll scratch yours !”
Bird Joke 72
Why did the chick disappoint his mother ? He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be !
Bird Joke 73
Is chicken soup good for your health ? Not if you re the chicken !
Bird Joke 74
What do chickens serve at birthday parties ? Coop-cakes !
Bird Joke 75
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn ? An eggroll !
Bird Joke 76
What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg ? The bombshell !
Bird Joke 77
What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg ? It eggs-plodes !
Bird Joke 78
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways? Dead.
Bird Joke 79
Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ? Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !
Bird Joke 80
What is the strongest bird ? A crane !
Bird Joke 81
What birds are found in Portugal ? Portu-geese !
Bird Joke 82
What is the difference between a fly and a bird ? A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird !
Bird Joke 83
Q: Why did the chicken say, “Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?” A: He was studying foreign languages.
Bird Joke 84
My parrot lays square eggs but can only say one word. What’s that? Ouch!
Bird Joke 85
Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage? Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.
Bird Joke 86
Where do the cleverest parrots live? In the brain tree forests!
Bird Joke 87
What do you get if you cross a bee with a parrot? An animal that’s always telling you how busy it is!
Bird Joke 88
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)
Bird Joke 89
What is a parrot’s favorite game? Hide and Speak!
Bird Joke 90
Where do blind parrots go for treatment? The Birds Eye counter!
Bird Joke 91
What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock? Politics
Bird Joke 92
What’s the definition of a Parapet? Pet parrot kept by parachutist!
Bird Joke 93
What’s the definition of Parity? Two parrots exactly the same!
Bird Joke 94
What geometric figure is like a runaway parrot? A polygon .
Bird Joke 95
Teacher: What’s the definition of a Polygamist? Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!
Bird Joke 96
What did the parrot say when he was using the Internet? P.Cs of eight, P.Cs of eight.
Bird Joke 97
What’s the definition of Polystyrene? A plastic parrot!
Bird Joke 98
What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath? Polly unsaturated!
Bird Joke 99
What do you call the place where parrots make films? Pollywood!
Bird Joke 100
What did the parrot say on Independence Day? Polly wants a firecracker!
Bird Joke 101
What did the rich socialite’s parrot say? Polly want a cracker, with cavier please!
Bird Joke 102
What did the parrot say when he saw a duck? Polly want a quacker!
Bird Joke 103
Which bird ran for President? H. Ross Parrot
Bird Joke 104
Why do parrots carry umbrellas? So they don’t become polly-saturated!
Bird Joke 105
How can you tell if a parrot is intelligent? It speaks in Polly-syllables!
Bird Joke 106
What’s a parrot’s favourite game? Monopoly!
Bird Joke 107
What are a parrot’s favourite literary characters? Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!
Bird Joke 108
What’s a parrot’s favourite song? I love Parrots in the Springtime!
Bird Joke 109
Why is politics for the birds? Because politiciands always parrot the same old lines!
Bird Joke 110
Why did the bird join he air force? He wanted to be a parrot trooper!
Bird Joke 111
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
Bird Joke 112
Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting “Pieces of four”? Short John Silver!
Bird Joke 113
What is a parrot? A wordy birdy!
Bird Joke 114
Why did the rooster run away ? He was chicken !
Bird Joke 115
What is the definition of a goose ? An animal that grows down as it grows up !
Bird Joke 116
What goes peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang ? A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons !
Bird Joke 117
What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange ? Dad, dad, look what marma-laid !
Bird Joke 118
How do you stop a rooser crowing on Sunday ? Eat him on Saturday !
Bird Joke 119
What kind of bird lays electric eggs ? A battery hen !
Bird Joke 120
What do you get from a drunk chicken ? Scotch eggs !
Bird Joke 121
Why do ducks have webbed feet ? To stamp out forest fires !
Bird Joke 122
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer ? A brick-layer !
Bird Joke 123
Why does a rooster watch TV ? For hentertainment !
Bird Joke 124
What happens when geese land in a volcano ? They cook their own gooses !
Bird Joke 125
Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up !
Bird Joke 126
How do you make a tame duck wild? Annoy it.
Bird Joke 127
What do you get if you cross an eagle with a skunk? A bird that stinks to high heaven.
Bird Joke 128
What does an educated owl say? Whom.
Bird Joke 129
What do confused owls say? Too-whit-to-why?
Bird Joke 130
What did the baby owl’s parents say when he wanted to go to a party? You re not owld enough.
Bird Joke 131
What do Scottish owls sing? Owld Lang Syne.
Bird Joke 132
What did the scornful owl say? Twit twoo.
Bird Joke 133
Two owls were playing pool. One said, “Two hits.” The other replied, “Two hits to who?”
Bird Joke 134
What do you get if you cross a giant, hairy monster with a penguin? I don’t know but it’s a very tightfitting tuxedo.
Bird Joke 135
Why did a man’s pet vulture not make a sound for five years? It was stuffed.
Bird Joke 136
Teacher: What’s a robin? Fred: A bird that steals, ma am.
Bird Joke 137
What do you call a vulture with no beak? A head banger.
Bird Joke 138
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they d be baygulls (bagels, get it?).
Bird Joke 139
Did you hear about the chicken that wanted to take ballet lessons? “He wanted to be a hentertainer.”
Bird Joke 140
What kind of doctor does a duck visit? A Ducktor.
Bird Joke 141
Chicken to turkey: “Only Thanksgiving and Christmas??? You re lucky, with us it’s any Sunday.”
Bird Joke 142
Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri? To show the opossum it could be done.
Bird Joke 123
How many ducks would there be, if you saw two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks between two ducks, and two ducks behind two ducks? Answer: 4 ducks-because they are in a row.
Bird Joke 144
A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late. “Where were you? I was worried sick.” “It was such nice day, I decided to walk.”
Bird Joke 145
Look at that speed! said one hawk to another as the jet fighter plane hurtled over their heads. “Hmph!” snorted the other. “You would fly fast too if your tail was on fire!”