Blonde Joke 1
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” “I m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest.” The blonde very calmly explains, “No, I d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. “If you need anything, just let me know,” he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” “No,” re plies the blonde, “I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!”
Blonde Joke 2
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!”The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I m talking to that little idiot on your knee!”
Blonde Joke 3
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. “Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
Blonde Joke 4
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, “Where did you get that?” The pig replied, “I won her in a raffle!”
Blonde Joke 5
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, “For best results, put on two coats”.
Blonde Joke 6
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It’s starting to rain and the top is down!
Blonde Joke 7
Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, “I think they could be bird tracks.” The second blonde went to look and said, “No, I think these are deer tracks.” They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!
Blonde Joke 8
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, “You dumb blonde bimbo! It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I d come out there and give you What’s coming to you!”
Blonde Joke 9
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you re my friend.” But the blonde insisted saying, “No. A bet’s a bet.” Then the redhead said “Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O clock news, so I can’t take your money.” The blonde replied “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he would jump again!”
Blonde Joke 10
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!” She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?” The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.” The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. “If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”
Blonde Joke 11
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run – she is still holding the grenade!
Blonde Joke 12
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? She didn’t want to wake the sleeping tablets!
Blonde Joke 13
Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!
Blonde Joke 14
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said “concentrate” on it!
Blonde Joke 15
A blonde once shot an arrow into the air… but missed!
Blonde Joke 16
Did you hear about the blonde tap dancer? She fell in the sink!
Blonde Joke 17
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday!
Blonde Joke 18
How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright? Shine a torch in her ear!
Blonde Joke 19
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!
Blonde Joke 20
What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but never see any!
Blonde Joke 21
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts…. she gave me change!
Blonde Joke 22
Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!
Blonde Joke 23
Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break… It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
Blonde Joke 24
Postcard from a blonde: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Blonde Joke 25
Why don’t you see blonde pharmacists? They can’t get the bottles into the typewriter!
Blonde Joke 26
What do you call a blonde standing between two brunettes? A mental block!
Blonde Joke 27
What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel!
Blonde Joke 28
I looked into a blonde’s eyes, but all I saw was the back of her head!
Blonde Joke 29
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
Blonde Joke 30
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up!
Blonde Joke 31
Why did the blonde cross the road? I don’t know. Neither did she!
Blonde Joke 32
Did you hear about the blonde with tire marks on her back? She crawled across the street when the sign said “DON’t WALK”.
Blonde Joke 33
A blonde tried to blow up her husband’s car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Blonde Joke 34
What’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade!
Blonde Joke 35
Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours? Write please turn over on both sides of the paper!
Blonde Joke 36
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Blonde Joke 37
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back!
Blonde Joke 38
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark!
Blonde Joke 39
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet.
Blonde Joke 40
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.
Blonde Joke 41
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won’t give in? A: “Have another beer.”
Blonde Joke 42
Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
Blonde Joke 43
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Blonde Joke 44
Q: Why was the blondes belly button sore ? A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Blonde Joke 45
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree? A: Wave
Blonde Joke 46
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots.
Blonde Joke 47
Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?
Blonde Joke 48
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What’s the Blonde’s cheer? A: ” I m blonde, I m blonde, I m B.L.O.N….ah, oh well.. I m blonde, I m blonde, yea yea yea…”
Blonde Joke 49
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Blonde Joke 50
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off.
Blonde Joke 51
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Blonde Joke 52
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Blonde Joke 53
Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Blonde Joke 54
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth!
Blonde Joke 55
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin
Blonde Joke 56
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them.
Blonde Joke 57
Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Blonde Joke 58
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Blonde Joke 59
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job.
Blonde Joke 60
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Blonde Joke 61
Q: Why is the blonde’s brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night.
Blonde Joke 62
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved.
Blonde Joke 63
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she’s overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, “Honey, don’t do it…” The blonde yells back, “Shut up! You re next!”
Blonde Joke 64
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde turns around and shouts, “Can’t you see I m winning!”
Blonde Joke 65
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, “Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought — I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her friend asks, “What’s the puzzle of?” “From the picture on the box, I d guess it’s a tiger,” replied the blonde. The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, “I m afraid that no matter what I do, I m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box.” “Why not?” asks the disappointed blonde. “Because, you didn’t buy a jigsaw puzzle… what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes.”
Blonde Joke 66
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, “Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one.” The brunette says, “I’ve been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home.” POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, “I’ve been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too.” POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, “My dear, What’s the matter?” The blonde whimpers, “I wish my friends were still here.”
Blonde Joke 67
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts. A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, “Ma am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?” “Why, officer?” asks the blonde. “Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.” “Oh my goodness,” exclaims the blonde, “I left my baby on the bus!”
Blonde Joke 68
Q. Why was the blonde in the tree? A. Because she was raking up the leaves!
Blonde Joke 69
A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. “Please state the nature of your emergency,” says the operator. “Help! My house is on fire!” the blonde replies. “Okay, where do you live?” “In a house you silly billy!” the blonde replies. “No,no! How do we get there?” the operator asks fustratedly. “Duh! Big Red Truck!!”
Blonde Joke 70
One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said Disney Land left they turned around and went home.
Blonde Joke 71
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, “How do you know I am a blonde?” The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,”That’s not a TV – it’s a microwave.”
Blonde Joke 72
A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? Q. They think their picture is being taken.
Blonde Joke 73
A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it’s empty, and goes back inside. Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it’s still empty, and goes back in. The third time she comes out, the man asks her, “Excuse me, is there a problem?” The blonde replies, “Darn right there’s a problem! My computer keeps on telling me I’ve got mail !”
Blonde Joke 74
Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see “Closed for Winter”.
Blonde Joke 75
Q. What is eternity? A. When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!
Blonde Joke 76
Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? A. Donut seeds.
Blonde Joke 77
Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A. Wave at her.
Blonde Joke 78
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should, she was standing on it.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde a dded, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
Blonde Joke 79
A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,”I m sorry. Your ticket isn’t for first class. Could you please move to your seat.” The blonde replied,”Im blonde, I m beautiful, and I m going to New York.” The attendant said,”That’s fine miss, but you ll have to go to your seat.” The blonde responded again, “I m blonde, I m beautiful, and I m going to New York.” This conversation continued, always with the blonde’s same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde
Blonde Joke 80
Q. If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first? A. The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.
Blonde Joke 81
Q. What is a brunette between two blondes? A. An interpreter.
Blonde Joke 82
Q. Why did the blonde write “TGIF” on her shoes? A. To remind her that “toes go in first.”
Blonde Joke 83
One day a blonde, red-head, and a brunette were driving through the desert when all of a sudden their car broke down. They decided they would all walk to civilization. The red-head said, “I m going to take water so if I get thirsty I can drink it.” Then the brunette said, “I m going to take some food so if I get hungry I can eat.” And then the blonde said “I m going to take the car door, so if I get hot, I can roll the window down!”
Blonde Joke 84
One day there was a blonde riding a horse. The horse kept going faster and faster until the blonde fell off, with her foot getting stuck in the stirrup. Hearing her screams for help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over and turned off the merry-go-round.
Blonde Joke 85
A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off and the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, “Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out…”
Blonde Joke 86
A blonde was swimming. She swam deeper and deeper until she drowned. Her husband came home and found her dead in the bathtub.
Blonde Joke 87
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead were standing in a line before a firing squad. The commander says, “READY, AIM” and the brunette yells “TORNADO!” All the people turned around and looked and the brunette ran away. Next, it’s the redhead’s turn. The commander says, “READY, AIM” and the redhead yells “HURRICANE!” Once again all the people turn around to look for the hurricane and the redhead runs away. Finally, it’s the blonde’s turn. The commander says, “READY, AIM” and the blonde yells “FIRE!” and gets shot.
Blonde Joke 88
Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown? A. Artificial intelligence.
Blonde Joke 89
There’s a brunette standing in the middle of a street jumping up and down, counting “57, 57, 57.” A blonde walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, “Sure.” So the two jump up and down counting “57, 57, 57.” Suddenly, the brunette jumps onto the curb and the blonde gets hit by a truck. The brunette goes back into the street and starts jumping again, counting “58, 58, 58.”
Blonde Joke 90
Q. Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A. So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Blonde Joke 91
Q. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A. A rebel without a clue!
Blonde Joke 92
Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.
Blonde Joke 93
Q.Why did the blonde get thrown out of the M & M factory? A. She kept throwing out all the W s.
Blonde Joke 94
One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her What’s so funny. The blonde giggled and replied, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”
Blonde Joke 95
A redhead, a brunette and a blonde all escape from a prison together. They run into the nearby woods and all climb up seperate trees. When the police find the redheads tree and ask who is up there, the redhead chirps like a bird. Then the police go to the brunette’s tree. When they ask who is up there, the brunette makes chipmunk noises. Finally, when the police go to the blonde’s tree and ask who is up there, the blonde goes,”MOOOOOOOOOO!”
Blonde Joke 96
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The brunette makes it 15 miles before she’s too tired to go any farther and drowns. The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island, decides she’s too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back to the deserted island.
Blonde Joke 97
Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A. You can park in the handicap zone.
Blonde Joke 98
Q. How did the blonde die ice-fishing? A. She was run over by the zambonis machine.
Blonde Joke 99
Q. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear? A. “Thanks for the refill!”
Blonde Joke 100
Q. Why do blondes have more fun? A. They are easier to keep amused.
Blonde Joke 101
Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? A. To see what was on the other side.
Blonde Joke 102
Q. How do you drown a blonde? A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Blonde Joke 103
Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.
Blonde Joke 104
Q. What did the blonde say when she knocked over a priceless Ming vase? A. “It’s okay Daddy, I m not hurt.”
Blonde Joke 105
Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Blonde Joke 106
Q. How do blonde brain cells die? A. Alone
Blonde Joke 107
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde’s friend said, “Oh, look, a dead birdie!” The blonde looked up and said, “Where?”
Blonde Joke 108
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, ” Officer, I m so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!” The officer looks at her, then says, “Ma am, that’s your air freshener.”
Blonde Joke 109
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working? A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Blonde Joke 110
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her.
Blonde Joke 111
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They re too hard to peel.
Blonde Joke 112
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks.
Blonde Joke 113
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations.
Blonde Joke 114
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, “Awww, look at the dead birdie.” The blonde stops, looks up, and says, “Where?”
Blonde Joke 115
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff.
Blonde Joke 116
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it.
Blonde Joke 117
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
Blonde Joke 118
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted.
Blonde Joke 119
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?
Blonde Joke 120
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Blonde Joke 121
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A1: Because they can spell it. A2: Because they can spell BWM.
Blonde Joke 122
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring.
Blonde Joke 123
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.
Blonde Joke 124
Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the “11” in “9-1-1”.
Blonde Joke 125
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head? A: A Space Invader.
Blonde Joke 126
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people’s words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Blonde Joke 127
Q: Why are blondes like corn flakes? A: Because they re simple, easy and they taste good.
Blonde Joke 128
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Blonde Joke 129
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An air bag.
Blonde Joke 130
Q: What is the blonde’s chronic speech impediment? A: She can’t say “No”.
Blonde Joke 131
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A: A visitor.
Blonde Joke 132
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she d been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad cause all the people were leaving.
Blonde Joke 133
Q: Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don’t know the route.
Blonde Joke 134
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Blonde Joke 135
Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don t. They re born that way.
Blonde Joke 136
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? A: Because they can understand them.
Blonde Joke 137
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: Because she loved children.
Blonde Joke 138
Q.What are the worst six years in a blonde’s life? A: Third Grade.
Blonde Joke 139
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes.
Blonde Joke 140
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading.
Blonde Joke 141
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I ll tell you tomorrow.)
Blonde Joke 142
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Blonde Joke 143
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree.
Blonde Joke 144
Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought.
Blonde Joke 145
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One.
Blonde Joke 146
Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn’t know what ONE came first…
Blonde Joke 147
Q: Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? A: “Oh, it’s not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That’s disgusting!”
Blonde Joke 148
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers licence ? A: She wasn’t used to the front seat!
Blonde Joke 149
Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.? Blonde: I don’t know. Why? Teller: It was easier to spell. Blonde: Easier than what?
Blonde Joke 150
A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord – nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells “Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”
Blonde Joke 151
Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
Blonde Joke 152
Q: Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low? A: She thought it was Diet Coke.
Blonde Joke 153
Q: Why don’t blondes like buttered toast? A: They can’t figure out which side the butter goes on.
Blonde Joke 154
When a blonde goes to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat ? Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row
Blonde Joke 155
Q: Why did the blonde keep a empty carton of milk in the fridge? A: In case she wanted black coffee.
Blonde Joke 156
I wonder what happened to that dumb blonde I went out with. I dyed my hair !
Blonde Joke 157
Q: Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads? A: They want to measure their intelligence.
Blonde Joke 158
Q: Why do blondes stand under light bulbs? A: It’s the closest they ll come to a bright idea.
Blonde Joke 159
… Q.) Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A.) Because red means Stop.
Blonde Joke 160
Q.) What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other? A.) An air mattress.
Blonde Joke 161
Q.) What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito? A.) She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head.
Blonde Joke 162
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders? A: So they don’t get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying “I don’t know?” whenever you ask them a question.
Blonde Joke 163
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week? A: So you don’t have to retrain them every Monday.
Blonde Joke 164
Q: What thoughts do Blondes have after reading these jokes? A: None, as usual… and they most likely didn’t understand them either.
Blonde Joke 165
Q: What is dumber than the Blonde jokes above? A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.
Blonde Joke 166
A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it Curl Up and Dye.
Blonde Joke 167
Why did the blonde run out of shampoo? She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!
Blonde Joke 168
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That’s where you wash all your vegetables!
Blonde Joke 169
Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight? She wanted to get a dark tan.
Blonde Joke 170
Why did the blonde call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Blonde Joke 171
What did the blonde’s mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? “Just flush it like everybody else does.”
Blonde Joke 172
Hear about the blonde explorer? She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara Desert.
Blonde Joke 173
Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? She couldn’t find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.
Blonde Joke 174
What is every blonde’s ambition in life? To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Blonde Joke 175
How did the blonde burn her nose? Bobbing for french fries.
Blonde Joke 176
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops? So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.
Blonde Joke 177
What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? Branch manager.
Blonde Joke 178
Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? The rest are hunt n peckers.
Blonde Joke 179
Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her.
Blonde Joke 180
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? “Look! They spelled MACY’s wrong!”
Blonde Joke 181
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Blonde Joke 182
Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Blonde Joke 183
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache.
Blonde Joke 184
These two blondes walk into a building. You d think one of them would have seen it.
Blonde Joke 185
Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge? They are for those who don’t drink!
Blonde Joke 186
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop.
Blonde Joke 187
What goes Blonde, Brunette, Blonde, Brunette ? A blonde doing cartwheels.
Blonde Joke 188
What’s a blondes idea of natural childbirth? No make-up.
Blonde Joke 189
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night…
Blonde Joke 190
Why don’t blondes like to make Kool-Aid? They can’t get eight cups of water into that little packet.
Blonde Joke 191
How do you plant dope? Bury a blonde.
Blonde Joke 192
A friend meets up with her friend as she is picking her car up from the mechanic. Her friend asks, “Everything ok with your car now?” The blonde replies, “Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”
Blonde Joke 193
A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn’t reach home in the evening and not the next day either. When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran and asked her what happened? She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!”
Blonde Joke 194
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady’s 78-year old daughter (who wasn’t blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn’t make it. “Didn’t make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!” the former blonde asked.
Blonde Joke 195
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, “I wonder why?” The blonde replied, “Must be because the oil would suffocate them.”
Blonde Joke 196
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed, “Wow! I can’t believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!”
Blonde Joke 197
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on “Science & Nature.” Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”
Blonde Joke 198
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”
Blonde Joke 199
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.” Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, “Well, I m done with the Wal-Mart lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart…”
Blonde Joke 200
Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said “Look at that dog with one eye!” The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, “Where?”
Blonde Joke 201
A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help. “What kind of pads should I get?” she says. “This is all new to me.” “Well,” says the clerk, “that depends on the flow.” She says, “It’s ceramic tile.”
Blonde Joke 202
This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” The blonde quickly responded, “The living one.”
Blonde Joke 203
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by? The first one said, “I wonder whether she’s a natural blonde or a bleached blonde.” Her friend said, “She’s a suicide blonde.” The other said, “Suicide blonde? What’s that?” The friend said, “Dyed by her own hand!”
Blonde Joke 204
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
Blonde Joke 205
A man works in the operations department of a large bank. Employees call him from the field when they have problems with their computers. One night a blonde woman from a branch bank called him and said, “I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my computer terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?”
Blonde Joke 206
A blonde’s house is on fire. She runs outside and yells, “Help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!” Someone else yells, “Call 911!” The blonde yells back, “What’s the number?”
Blonde Joke 207
A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, “How is much is this TV?” The salesman said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.” The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.” The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes.” She replied, ” I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?” “Because that is not a TV, it ‘s a microwave.”
Blonde Joke 208
Why can’t blondes make Kool Aid? Because they can’t figure out how to get eight cups of water into that tiny little package.
Blonde Joke 209
Q:Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four dont exsist and the other blonde thought it was a gumwraper!
Blonde Joke 210
Three blondes are stranded on an island. A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish. So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army. The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off. The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,” Let’s go over the bridge.”
Blonde Joke 211
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature. The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said “Oh i know.” So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved. Then dissapered over it. The husband just stared at his wife and said “Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?” His wife just said “Hair Restorer with a permanent wave.”
Blonde Joke 212
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no im sorry thats incorrect. All of the blondes in the stadium chanted “Give her another chance, give her another chance!” So the host agrees and said, “ok how about 5 plus 5.” She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance, give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance, what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says Give her another chance give her another chance!
Blonde Joke 213
One day a blonde woman was down on her luck and she needed a quick way to get money. She saw some kids playing and thought “Hey! Maybe I can kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom!” So she creeps up and snatches one. So she began to write a note: “I have kidnaped your son and I will give him back if you put 10,000$ on the north side of the tree in the park. Signed Blonde.” She sticks the note on the kid and sends him home. The next day she goes to the north side of the tree and in a paper bag was 10, 000$. But there was a note inside saying: “How could you do this to a fellow blonde!?!”
Blonde Joke 214
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $99!”. She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, “I d like the $99 cruise special, please.” The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, ” They didn’t last year.”
Blonde Joke 215
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn’t hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead. She says, What the heck’s goin on up here? We re havin a grand time downstairs! One of the blondes looks up and says, Yeah, but you’ve got a driver!
Blonde Joke 216
A blonde was filling out an application form for a job. She promptly filled the columns entitled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc. Then she came to the column: SALARY EXPECTED. Yes.
Blonde Joke 217
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load.” He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker looks at her and finally he says, “Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s snowing, and I m driving a salt truck.”
Blonde Joke 218
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game. “Oh, I really liked it,” she said, “but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.” “What on earth do you mean???” “Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was: Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!
Blonde Joke 219
Q: Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator? A: She couldn’t find the 10 key.
Blonde Joke 220
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, What for? Are you going to set it on fire!
Blonde Joke 221
Q: What are the blonde’s first words after 4 years of college? A: “Would you like fries with that?”
Blonde Joke 222
A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. Where have you been? asked the man. I can’t believe you left me down there! I couldn’t get the tailgate open!
Blonde Joke 223
One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!
Blonde Joke 224
Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn’t figure out how to refill the hand dryer!
Blonde Joke 225
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, Who’s the other father!?!”
Blonde Joke 226
A brunette walks into a bar and says, “Gimme an M L.” The bartender says, “What’s an M L?” The brunette says, “A Miller Light.” Another brunette walks in and says, “Gimme a B L” The bartender says, “What’s a B L?” She says, “Bud Light.” A dumb blonde walks in and says, “Gimme a 15.” The bartender says, “What’s a fifteen?” The blonde says, “7&7, duh!”
Blonde Joke 227
Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!
Blonde Joke 228
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. “Here we go again.”
Blonde Joke 229
Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common? A: They can both drive you crazy.
Blonde Joke 230
Q: Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes? A: Gives em something to do on Saturday night!
Blonde Joke 231
Have you heard my knock-knock joke? asked the blonde. No, said the brunette. Okay,
Blonde Joke 232
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, “How do you get to the other side?” “You are on the other side,” the other blonde yells back.
Blonde Joke 233
Q: What kinds of people don’t get invited to blonde parties? A: Women!
Blonde Joke 234
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: She’s trying to hold on to a thought.
Blonde Joke 235
Q: What did the blonde’s dentist find? A: Teeth in the cavity.
Blonde Joke 236
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A: A vacant posession.
Blonde Joke 237
Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that “Scheherezade” was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ? A: “Why d his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?”
Blonde Joke 238
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? A: She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever.
Blonde Joke 239
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden.
Blonde Joke 240
Q: What’s a blonde’s favourite wine? A: “Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!”
Blonde Joke 241
Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus VAT
Blonde Joke 242
Q: Why do blondes drive VWs? A: Because they can spell it.
Blonde Joke 243
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Blonde Joke 244
Q: Why don’t blondes eat bananas? A1: They can’t find the zipper. A2: They cant find the pull tab.
Blonde Joke 245
Q: Why don’t blondes eat Jelly? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Blonde Joke 246
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get channel 9.
Blonde Joke 247
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads
Blonde Joke 248
Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead and one’s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim! Suddenly the brunette yells, EARTHQUAKE!!!
Blonde Joke 249
A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde? Her mother replied, Of couse it is, dear. The next day, the blonde said, I can say the alphabet higher then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?
Blonde Joke 250
Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom? While the crowd was doing the wave, two blondes drowned.
Blonde Joke 251
How do you kill a blonde? Give them a gun an say it is a blow dryer
Blonde Joke 252
This blonde is so stupid, she called me to get my telephone number!
Blonde Joke 253
One day 3 women went to the top of a water flume in a swimming pool. There was a black haired, brown haired, and a blonde haired woman. When they got to the top a genie appeared from nowhere and said “when your going down the flume shout out the on thing that you want and you will land in it at the bottom. So the black haired woman went down and shouted “money” and landed in a load of cash, the brown haired woman went down and shouted “gorgous men!” and landed in a pile of men. The blonde woman wasnt listening to the genie so she went down shouting weeeeeee.
Blonde Joke 254
One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look. An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes “What the hell is she doing?” An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says, “My stupid computer keeps saying you’ve got mail.”
Blonde Joke 255
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Blonde Joke 256
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Blonde Joke 257
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the “Vacant” sign up?
Blonde Joke 258
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.–Mentally Deficient?
Blonde Joke 259
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
Blonde Joke 260
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn’t get taller girls?
Blonde Joke 261
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
Blonde Joke 262
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Blonde Joke 263
Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: Because she didn’t know which one came first!
Blonde Joke 264
Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? A: They heard that under seventeen weren’t admitted!
Blonde Joke 265
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, “Can you help me when you get home?” “Sure,” he replies. “What’s the problem?” “Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can’t even find the edge pieces.” “Look on the box,” he said. “There’s always a picture of what the puzzle is.” “It’s a big rooster,” she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, “Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box.”
Blonde Joke 266
Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London? A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Blonde Joke 267
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Blonde Joke 268
Q: What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? A: Some traffic signs say stop.
Blonde Joke 269
At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. “That won’t work,” countered the woman. “I m not the mother, I m the aunt.”
Blonde Joke 270
In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth — if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. “I think I m the smartest woman on earth.” “POOF!” She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> “I think I m the prettiest woman on earth.” “POOF!” She disappears. The blonde goes up. “I think–” “POOF!”
Blonde Joke 271
A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, Nein! Nein! So two guys walk away.
Blonde Joke 272
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, “Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!” Her friend said, “O.K. then, What’s the capital of France?” The blonde replied, “Oh, that’s so easy! F.”
Blonde Joke 273
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished. When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, I don’t want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.
Blonde Joke 274
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager.
Blonde Joke 275
Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus? She took the 22 twice instead.
Blonde Joke 276
Did you hear about the blonde who put “Sagittarius” at the bottom of application forms where it said “Sign Here”.
Blonde Joke 277
Q: How can you tell a blonde is being unfaithful? A: Everybody in the neighborhood is going to the pharmacy for penicillin.
Blonde Joke 278
Q: Why did the blonde jump off the cliff? A: She thought her maxi pad had wings
Blonde Joke 279
Q: What a BLONDE will ask the doctor, in the maternity ward? A: “Is it mine?”
Blonde Joke 280
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? A: All you can eat, under a buck.
Blonde Joke 281
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Blonde Joke 282
Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Blonde Joke 283
Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes? A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
Blonde Joke 284
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who hijacked a submarine? A: She demanded $200,000 and a parachute.
Blonde Joke 285
Q: How do you recognize a blonde in school? A: They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.
Blonde Joke 286
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher? A.It’s cloged up with paper plates.
Blonde Joke 287
Q.How many blonde’s does it take to change a light bulb? A. 3. 1 to find the bulb, 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.
Blonde Joke 288
Q: How many blonde jokes are there? A: One – the rest are all true.
Blonde Joke 289
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using the computer? A. There is cheese in front of the mouse.
Blonde Joke 290
Q: How can you tell if a cat is blonde? A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.
Blonde Joke 291
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
Blonde Joke 292
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A: Married.
Blonde Joke 293
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it.
Blonde Joke 294
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth? A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the blonde joke list.
Blonde Joke 295
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? A: Double-dumb.
Blonde Joke 296
Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde? A: It is the one with the kickstand.
Blonde Joke 297
Q: Where do you look for blonde’s obituaries? A: Under “Home Improvements.”
Blonde Joke 298
Q: Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows? A: It took her six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.
Blonde Joke 299
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? A: She still hasn’t gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Blonde Joke 300
Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side? A: She didn’t know where to buy Left Guard!
Blonde Joke 301
Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac treat herself? A: Acupuncture.
Blonde Joke 302
Q: What’s a blonde’s favorite color? A: A light shade of clear.
Blonde Joke 303
Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: When he asks for a lifesaver, ask him what flavor he wants.
Blonde Joke 304
Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash? A: She’s the one on her bike.
Blonde Joke 305
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident? A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.
Blonde Joke 306
Q: Why didn’t the blondes go to the movies on one buck night? A: They couldn’t fit a deer into the car.
Blonde Joke 307
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say hi.
Blonde Joke 308
Q: What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are? A: Play ball.
Blonde Joke 309
Q: Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe.
Blonde Joke 310
Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes? A: They take off their makeup.
Blonde Joke 311
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Blonde Joke 312
Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A: She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.
Blonde Joke 313
Q: What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? A: Siamese twins.
Blonde Joke 314
Q: Why don’t blonde’s like audio-books? A: There aren’t any pictures.
Blonde Joke 315
Q: Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times? A: Once when you tell it, once when you tell her the punchline, and once when she gets it.
Blonde Joke 316
Q: What was the last thing a blonde heard before dying of old age? A: “Today children, we will learn our ABC s”
Blonde Joke 317
Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants.
Blonde Joke 318
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that got pregnant for the second time? A: She asked her husband if they needed to get married again.
Blonde Joke 319
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum? A: She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences.
Blonde Joke 320
Q: What do you call a blonde sky diving team? A: A new version of the lawn dart’s game.
Blonde Joke 321
Q: Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair of water-skis? A: She’s still looking for a lake with a slope.
Blonde Joke 322
Q: What is a blonde’s definition of a naval destroyer? A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
Blonde Joke 323
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips.
Blonde Joke 324
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde? A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
Blonde Joke 325
Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.