Bus Joke 1
Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won’t stand in your way.
Bus Joke 2
How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octobus.
Bus Joke 3
Bus passenger: I d like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not, I m in the bus queue, aren’t I?
Bus Joke 4
What did the bus conductor say to the frog? Hop on.
Bus Joke 5
Why did the bat miss the bus? Because he hung around for too long.
Bus Joke 6
What do monsters play when they are in the bus? Squash.
Bus Joke 7
What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk? I don’t know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
Bus Joke 8
Why couldn’t the skeleton pay his bus fare? Because he was skint.
Bus Joke 9
Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, “If you were a gentleman, young man, you d stand up and let someone else sit down.” “And if you were a lady,” replied Roger, “you d stand up and let four people sit down.”
Bus Joke 10
What’s the difference between a bus driver and a cold? A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.
Bus Joke 11
A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man’s supper and began whining and jumping up at him. “Do you mind if I throw him a bit?” said the man to the lady. “Not at all,” she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
Bus Joke 12
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you re late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It’s my bus – it’s always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it’s late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.
Bus Joke 13
How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar? Throw it under a bus.
Bus Joke 14
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of course!
Bus Joke 15
As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, What on earth did you do that for? I wanted to know if there was room on top, replied the man.
Bus Joke 16
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs? I prefer to ride on top, but it’s very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
Bus Joke 17
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There’s no room, they said. It’s full up! But you must let me on! shouted the man. Why, What’s so special about you? they asked. I
Bus Joke 18
Why did the bus stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing.
Bus Joke 19
What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head? Dead.
Bus Joke 20
Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!
Bus Joke 21
Sam left work after a tiring day. Take the bus home, suggested a friend. My mother would only make me take it back, Sam said.
Bus Joke 22
Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn’t hurt yourself? Yes – I was trying to get to the back of the bus.
Bus Joke 23
Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we ll pick up speed now you re getting off!
Bus Joke 24
Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they re stopping to let the passengers off.
Bus Joke 25
What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!
Bus Joke 26
Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don t. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.
Bus Joke 27
Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn’t there ll be a very big splash.
Bus Joke 28
Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not, on my salary!
Bus Joke 29
Is everyone in the bus? asked the driver before he closed the door. No, called a lady, wait until I get my clothes on. All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
Bus Joke 30
Janet: What’s the difference between a cake and a school bus ? Jill: I don’t know. Janet: I m glad I didn’t send you to pick up my birthday cake !
Bus Joke 31
Have you seen the bus website? Yes – it’s just the ticket!
Bus Joke 32
Which end of a bus is it best to get off? It doesn’t matter. Both ends stop.
Bus Joke 33
What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
Bus Joke 34
What “bus” crossed the ocean? Columbus.
Bus Joke 35
What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head ? The deceased !
Bus Joke 36
Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won’t stand in your way.
Bus Joke 37
Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Bus Joke 38
Why didn’t anyone take the school bus to school? I wouldn’t fit through the door.