History Joke 1
Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn’t think someone like you would give me a dollar.
History Joke 2
What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays.
History Joke 3
What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving? He gave tanks.
History Joke 4
You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower. “Really? Which rat was he?”
History Joke 5
Teacher: “What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?” Student: “Baseballs.” Teacher: “Baseballs?” Student: “Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!”
History Joke 6
Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving? They wanted another excuse to watch football.
History Joke 7
What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans ? Speaking Latin !
History Joke 8
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ? He wanted Mark Antony !
History Joke 9
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !
History Joke 10
Why does history keep repeating itself ? Because we weren’t listening the first time !
History Joke 11
Who succeeded the first President of the USA ? The second one !
History Joke 12
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas ? His wife !
History Joke 13
When did Caesar reign ? I didn’t know he reigned. Of course he did, didn’t they hail him ?
History Joke 14
Why did the Romans build straight roads ? So their soldiers didn’t go around the bend !
History Joke 15
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ? Toga-ether we can rule the world !
History Joke 16
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages ? Because there were so many knights !
History Joke 17
Why did Arthur have a round table ? So no one could corner him !
History Joke 18
Who invented King Arthur’s round table ? Sir Circumference !
History Joke 19
What was King Arthur’s favourite game ? Knights and crosses !
History Joke 20
What was Camelot ? A place where people parked their camels !
History Joke 21
What was Camelot famous for ? It’s knight life !
History Joke 22
When were King Arthur’s army too tired to fight ? When they had lots of sleepless knights !
History Joke 23
What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !
History Joke 24
What famous chiropodist ruled England ? William the Corn-cutter!
History Joke 25
Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince ? Old King Coal !
History Joke 26
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ? He liked to chop and change !
History Joke 27
What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne ? Sat down !
History Joke 28
Where was the Magna Carta signed ? At the bottom !
History Joke 29
I m learning ancient history ? So am I, lets go for a walk and talk over old times !
History Joke 30
My teacher reminds me of history She’s always repeating herself !
History Joke 31
What do history teachers make when they want to get together ? Dates !
History Joke 32
The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon. How many galleons did the get to the mile !
History Joke 33
What did Paul Revere say when he got on his horse? Giddy up horsey !
History Joke 34
How did Columbus’s men sleep on their ships ? With their eyes shut !
History Joke 35
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old ? A year older on his birthday !
History Joke 36
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia ? Must have been a duck family A duck family ? Didn’t you say there was a quack in it !
History Joke 37
Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ? Because they didn’t want to wait 40 years for a train !
History Joke 38
You’ve failed history again ! Well you always told me to let bygones be bygones !
History Joke 39
How did you do in your tests ? I did what George Washington did ! What was that ? Went down in history !
History Joke 40
Do you know the 20th President of the United States ? No, we were never introduced !
History Joke 41
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday. Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else !
History Joke 42
When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ? He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !
History Joke 43
What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ? I don’t know, I wasn’t invited !
History Joke 44
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy’s tomb indicate ? The registration of the car that ran him over !
History Joke 45
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common ? They both have the as their middle names !
History Joke 46
What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet? Egyptian dummies.
History Joke 47
Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies? A: In his sleevies!
History Joke 48
What did King Arthur sleep with when he was afraid of the dark? A knight light