Horse Joke 1
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, “You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!”
Horse Joke 2
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn’t show up at the church. He got colt feet
Horse Joke 3
As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!
Horse Joke 4
Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
Horse Joke 5
Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
Horse Joke 6
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
Horse Joke 7
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
Horse Joke 8
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He’s not a star though, he just does bit parts!
Horse Joke 9
Did you hear about the horse with the negative altitude? He always said “Neigh”
Horse Joke 10
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn’t tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn’t help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Horse Joke 11
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Horse Joke 12
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
Horse Joke 13
Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn’t have enough money tabaccer!
Horse Joke 14
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!
Horse Joke 15
Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise? The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!
Horse Joke 16
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Horse Joke 17
Girl: We have a mayor. Do you? Horse: Sure! Girl: What do you call it? Horse: Same as you do. Mare!
Horse Joke 18
Have you read the book, “100-mile Horse Trek” Who wrote it? Major Bumsore
Horse Joke 19
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
Horse Joke 20
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
Horse Joke 21
How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
Horse Joke 22
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
Horse Joke 23
How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
Horse Joke 24
How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start off with a large fortune!
Horse Joke 25
How much money did the bronco have? Only a buck!
Horse Joke 26
What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water? Jockey and Jill!
Horse Joke 27
What did the city worker say after his first ever pony trek? I never knew anything stuffed with hay could be so hard!
Horse Joke 28
What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show? I wish I could hear you whinnie.
Horse Joke 29
What did the wife say to the undertaker when he started hitting his broken down car? Stop beating a dead hearse!
Horse Joke 30
What disease do horses fear most? Hay Fever!
Horse Joke 31
What do you call a horse that plays the violin? Fiddler on the hoof!
Horse Joke 32
What do you call a horse that’s been all around the world? A globe-trotter!
Horse Joke 33
What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds? A zebra!
Horse Joke 34
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A hoarse horse!
Horse Joke 35
What do you call the horse than lives next door? A neighbour!
Horse Joke 36
What do you give a sick horse? Cough stirrup.
Horse Joke 37
What does ever horse and rider do at the same time? Grow old!
Horse Joke 38
What does it mean if you find a horse shoe? Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
Horse Joke 39
What duo were famous for stealing horses? Bonnie and Clydesdale!
Horse Joke 40
What equine likes to cut in line? A sawhorse!
Horse Joke 41
What goes “Clip”? A one legged horse!
Horse Joke 42
What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse? Two bits!
Horse Joke 43
What happened to Lady Godiva’s horse when he saw she had no clothes on? It made him shy!
Horse Joke 44
What happened to the horse that swallowed a dollar bill? It bucked!
Horse Joke 45
What happened to the man who owned a riding academy? Business kept falling off!
Horse Joke 46
What has four legs and see just as well from either end? A horse with his eyes closed!
Horse Joke 47
What is a horse’s favourite sport? Stable tennis!
Horse Joke 48
What is a horses favourite kind of party? A stall ball.
Horse Joke 49
What is a horses favourite TV show? Neeeebours
Horse Joke 50
What is a jockey’s motto? Put your money where your mount is!
Horse Joke 51
What is a thespian pony? A little horse play!
Horse Joke 52
What is horse sense? Stable thinking and the ability to say nay!
Horse Joke 53
What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse? A tale of whoa!
Horse Joke 54
What is the difference between a horse and a duck? One goes quick and the other goes quack!
Horse Joke 55
What is the strongest animal? A racehorse, because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!
Horse Joke 56
What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh? An Appaloosa!
Horse Joke 57
What person strives to ensure safety for horses? Ralph Neighder!
Horse Joke 58
What’s another name for an assistant stable cleaner? A co-pile-it!
Horse Joke 59
What’s as big as a horse, but weighs nothing? A horses shadow!
Horse Joke 60
What’s black and white and turns cartwheels? A piebald horse pulling a cart!
Horse Joke 61
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a horse? The ground!
Horse Joke 62
When does a horse neigh? Whinny wants to!
Horse Joke 63
Where did the Knights of the Round Table park their horses? In the Sir Lance Lot
Horse Joke 64
Where did the newlywed horses stay? In the bridle suite!
Horse Joke 65
Where do you take a sick horse? To the Horspital!
Horse Joke 66
Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse? The psycho-path!
Horse Joke 67
Who did the breeder call when his horse was possessed by an evil spirit? An exhorsist!
Horse Joke 68
Why are chorus girls like barge horses? They have to tow the line!
Horse Joke 69
Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!
Horse Joke 70
Why did the artist put on a show of horse paintings? He wanted to mount an exhibit!
Horse Joke 71
Why did the boy stand behind the horse? He thought he might get a kick out of it!
Horse Joke 72
Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball? Because it’s covered with horsehide!
Horse Joke 73
Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys.
Horse Joke 74
Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off!
Horse Joke 75
Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof? Because he wanted to feel his oats!
Horse Joke 76
Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large loaf of bread? It was a crusty steed!
Horse Joke 77
Why did the man call his horse Fleabag? Because he was often scratched!
Horse Joke 78
Why is a racehorse like a letter? They both begin a trip at the post!
Horse Joke 79
Why is an egg like a young horse? Because it can’t be used until it’s broken!
Horse Joke 80
Why is Dick Clark a favourite star with horses? Because he was a disk jockey from Filly!
Horse Joke 81
Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!
Horse Joke 82
Why is it difficult to identify horses from the back? They re always switching their tails!
Horse Joke 83
Why is manna from heaven like horse hay? Both are food from aloft!
Horse Joke 84
Why is the old, decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!
Horse Joke 85
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses? He was a rough rider!
Horse Joke 86
You said it was a great horse and it is. It took twenty other horses to beat him!
Horse Joke 87
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can’t jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
Horse Joke 88
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ? A seahorse !
Horse Joke 89
What is the slowest racehorse in the world ? A clotheshorse !
Horse Joke 90
A mean horseman went into a saddler’s shop and asked for one spur. “One spur?” asked the saddler. “Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?” “No, just one,” replied the horseman. “If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!”
Horse Joke 91
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
Horse Joke 92
A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says,” Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning.” The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, “WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half asleep says, “I have to get up at three in the morning.”
Horse Joke 93
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
Horse Joke 94
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!
Horse Joke 95
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
Horse Joke 96
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
Horse Joke 97
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!