Letter Joke 59
Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. “What’s the matter?” asked her companion. “Oh dear,” sobbed Auntie, “It’s my favorite nephew. He’s got three feet.” “Three feet?” exclaimed her friend. “Surely that’s not possible?” “Well,” said Auntie, “his mother’s just written to tell me he’s grown another foot !”
Letter Joke 60
Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well, Grandma’s very deaf, so I m writing very loudly.
Letter Joke 61
Which two letters are rotten for your teeth? D K
Letter Joke 62
Why is the letter “t” so important to a stick insect? Without it would be a sick insect.
Letter Joke 63
Have you ever seen a duchess? Yes – it’s the same as an English “s”
Letter Joke 64
What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters? With love and hisses.
Letter Joke 65
What’s the definition of a school report? A poison pen letter from the principal.
Letter Joke 66
Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters? She had never learned to spell properly.
Letter Joke 67
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang mail.
Letter Joke 68
What’s a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It’s a dead letter day.
Letter Joke 69
How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern.
Letter Joke 70
Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don’t know who it’s from.
Letter Joke 71
What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter? Best vicious . . .
Letter Joke 72
Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing. “I m not drawing, Mom,” she said indignantly, “I m writing a letter to Fred.” “But you can’t write,” Mom pointed out. “That’s all right,” said Betty, “Fred can’t read.”
Letter Joke 73
How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express.
Letter Joke 74
Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with “I.” Fred: I is . . . Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say “I am.” Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Letter Joke 75
I got an anonymous letter today. Oh, really – who was it from?!
Letter Joke 76
1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I m overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.
Letter Joke 77
An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her. `Wait a minute, he said, `you’ve written the address upside down. `I know, said the little old lady, `the letter is going to Australia.
Letter Joke 78
An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him. “I ll see, sir,” said the clerk. “What is your name?” “You re having me on now because I m Irish,” said the Irishman. “Won’t you see the name on the envelope?”
Letter Joke 79
What word allows you to take away two letters and get one? Stone.
Letter Joke 80
Braxton and Hollis had jobs at a California cotton mill. One morning the foreman came along and found Braxton reading a letter to his coworker. “Hey,” cried the foreman, “what kind a horseplay you two guys up to?” “Hollis got a letter from his girlfriend,” explained Braxton, “but he can’t read; so Ah m readin the letter for him.” “How come you got the cotton in your ears?” “Hollis don’t want me to hear what his girlfriend writ to him!”
Letter Joke 81
Q: Why did the witch’s mail rattle? A: It was a chain letter.
Letter Joke 82
Did you hear about the sister who wrote herself a letter and forgot to sign it and when it arrived she didn’t know who it was from.
Letter Joke 83
Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten-mile hike he had taken. His father wrote back saying, In my day I thought nothing of walking ten miles. Josh wrote back, To tell the truth, I didn’t think much of it either.
Letter Joke 84
What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing. It just shuts up.
Letter Joke 85
Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters can’t go anywhere by themselves.
Letter Joke 86
What letter is like a vegetable? The letter P.
Letter Joke 87
What girl’s name is like a letter? Kay (K).
Letter Joke 88
When is a letter damp? When it has postage due (dew).
Letter Joke 89
Where do you put letters to boys? In a mail (male) box.
Letter Joke 90
What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it? Add “er” to short and it becomes shorter.
Letter Joke 91
Why is the letter N the most powerful letter? Because it is in the middle of TNT.
Letter Joke 92
How many letters are there in the alphabet? Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Letter Joke 93
Which two letters of the alphabet are nothing? MT (empty) .
Letter Joke 94
What letter should you avoid? The letter A because it makes men mean.
Letter Joke 95
What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.
Letter Joke 96
What letter stands for the ocean? The letter C.
Letter Joke 97
What two words have thousands of letters in them? Post office.
Letter Joke 98
What did the envelope say to the stamp? “Stick with me and we ll go places.”
Letter Joke 99
What did the stamp say to the envelope? “I’ve become attached to you.”
Letter Joke 100
Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter? He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won’t send them.
Letter Joke 101
Why do people leave letters at the football ground ? They want to catch the last goal-post !
Letter Joke 102
What do you call a Welshman who writes lots of letters ? Pen Gwyn !
Letter Joke 103
His girlfriend returned all his letters. I bet she marked them “second class male !”
Letter Joke 104
Where do ghosts mail their letters? At the ghost office.
Letter Joke 105
Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club.
Letter Joke 106
What letters are not in the alphabet? The ones in the mail, of course!
Letter Joke 107
What two letters do you say when you answer the phone? LO
Lotto Joke 108
One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring. “Where did you get that ring?” her husband asks. “Well, she replies, “my boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings. A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat. “Where did you get that coat?” her husband asks. She replies “My boss and played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings. Another week later, his wife comes home, driving in a red Ferrari. “Where did you get that car?” her husband asks. Again she repeats the same story about the lotto and her share of the winnings. That night, his wife asks him to pour her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she find that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the plug at the far end. “And this?” she asks her husband. ” Well,” he replies, “we don’t want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we?!”
Lotto Joke 109
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help. “Oh Lord, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto”. Lotto night arrived and somebody else won the prize. Joe again looked up and prayed… “Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I m going to lose my car as well”. Again, Lotto night came and went and Joe still had no luck. Once again, he prayed… “Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order … ” Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the Lord himself: “Joe, Meet Me Half Way On This One. Buy A Ticket!”